This thought came to me as I was falling asleep last night. I have found myself overwhelmed by life lately. The changes in our life recently have sent me into a tailspin of emotions--but regardless of these challenges, I have a great life. I need to focus on that. I need to be more gentle with the expectations I have for myself. I need to take a step back from being serious, responsible, trying so hard and let life be. I think somewhere along the way I got an idea that if life was supposed to be a certain way. There is always growth and there will always be learning but life with young children, as I know it, won't change. There will always be tantrums but there will also be giggles, quick smiles and twirling girls in my kitchen. Life with my husband, with our paces being so opposite, is never going change. However, as long as we enjoy our favorite things about one another, the things that drive us nuts about one another are thrown back into a healthy balance.
Life is like yoga, life is like being in labor. There are moments when you feel like you are being pushed to a point and you feel like you can't do it any longer but then you get past those moments and you marvel at your capacity to do things you previously thought you couldn't. Many times it is about balancing your power and surrendering to a power greater than your own. The more you practice yoga, the better and stronger you become at it. There are times that certain poses that cause peace and well-being to ripple over your soul like soothing, warm water. There are times when it is all you can do to maintain a pose much less have a inner peace and focus. Sometimes you lose balance, fall on your face--leaving a sweaty mark on the mat--- while you try not to look like an clumsy novice in the middle of the crowded class. Sometimes when you fall, you cause others to do the same. But, at the same time, sometimes the whole class is so focused and in sync that you all hold one another steady simply by flowing together. If that isn't like life, I don't know what is!
I am so grateful for that higher power--for my Savior, Jesus Christ. I can't imagine not knowing that He loves me and that, with Him, I can do anything and everything He has for me to do in this life. I am discovering that when it comes to life, it is all perspective. I think back to my several experiences while in labor with my daughters. There were times that the contractions were intense and powerful but completely empowering, there were times they pushed me past a bearable threshold, there were times that they were easy, peaceful and even revitalizing. I loved it. Then I wanted it to stop. Then I could completely handle it. It was perspective, it was how I chose to react to the forces in my body.
So now I have these lovely and handsome forces all around me. How do I choose to react to them? How do I daily prepare myself to perceive and interact with them? I don't pretend to know all the answers. Heaven only knows that I am a completely caught in the headlights of my good, yet stretching, life experience. All I know is that I can't do it without the help of the Lord and I need to stop attempting to go on with my earthly stewardships without direct, daily, consistent, early morning interaction with my Heavenly Father. I am not completely remiss in this practice but the consistency part has been my particular weakness lately. In our old house, I had a space set up that I would go for my morning devotional--my spirit craved it and it made it easy. I need to find a cozy spot in this house so I can nurture this practice. Life won't change per say, my girls will still be tempted to sass when I tell them that they can't have anymore candy (heaven knows I have a whole lot of sassing left to endure), my good husband will likely never jump for joy when I ask him to help me clean but if I just expect it; if I realize that maybe it is supposed to be this way and remember that it is my reaction to these things that makes all the difference...
There are 15 days left in this year...let's see if I can finish out this year how I want to begin the next one.
