I have been somewhat fighting what everyone says that the transition to three is the hardest. The transition to two was most difficult thus far because Olivia turned three right after Maia was born and we all know that age three is just, well...it the least fun age I have encountered thus far in my young life of motherhood. It had alot to do with the fact that I didn't know what to expect from a three year old and it was a surprising splash of water in the face.
This transition to three is so amazing because it is incredible to see our family grow, see the girls' personalities emerge and expand but handling these wild butterflies is sometimes like trying to keep the sun from rising every morning. So I am going to say it. It is the most challenging transition. Going to two was my personal hardest but this is the most challenging. Now I have said it, it is out there. Phew! Wait, hold on, that doesn't make me feel better AT ALL.
So it is all about stepping up to what feels like an impossibility and boldly humble myself to allowing this challenge to make me--not break me. This is all very similar to transition in labor. Once a woman hits transition while she is in labor, most hit an emotional milestone when they realize that they no longer want to do what it takes to bring the baby into the world. She'd rather stay pregnant forever. She feels and often vocalizes that "she can't do this anymore". But the beautiful thing to behold, as a doula, is that even though she is saying she can't do it...she is actually DOING it in that moment. She is literally doing what she feels she can't do, she is in a transitional transformation.
There is a quote that says " The turning point in the process of growing up is when you discover the core of strength within you that survives the hurt." There is another that says "Top results are reached only through pain. But eventually you like this pain. You'll find the more difficulties you have on the way, the more you will enjoy your success."
Challenges are hard because we have to put forth more effort, strength, heart and endurance than we may realize we already possess. Challenge can bring to the surface the greatness we have within us. I think it is, at that point, where the dreaded transition has the potential to be transformative. In Hypnobabies, a self-hypnosis childbirth preparation course, they use the word transformation instead of transition-mainly because of how women may be programmed to fear that stage in labor. But the word transformation is a powerful and inspiring one. Reworking childbirth and labor words was never needful to me until I heard of Hypnobabies reframing this. And it worked for me. I needed it to be reframed and instead of it being this daunting emotional stage of doubt, it became the point where I had the opportunity to become, to learn that I could do things that were challenging, then to own it and really soak it in.
So, here I sit. I'm sleepy, the house didn't get much tidying on this Monday, I haven't started dinner--nor do I want to, I have a 2yr old wriggling all over my lap whose emotions are tittering on happy and hysterical post her nap, I have FHE to plan, kids to get in bed on time (for my own sanity's sake) and I have other random church and personal obligations to balance...the list goes on.
This is life AND it is all good, despite being overwhelming at times. I just need to remember to let this be an experience that transforms me into a better, newer and improves version of myself instead of just thinking of it being a daunting transition, one that passes, one that leaves me in fear of the next, and has little to no effect on me.
Monday, April 21, 2008
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
IMAGINE
Who is in charge? That would be me . I don't care if you kick, scream, flail. I am in charge. You might wonder what I am talking about but if you are a mother you know EXACTLY what I am talking about. I think I might have mentioned how my darling, tiny little Maia is using this time in her life to express herself. She is almost 3 ,you know, and you are likely to also know that the age of 3 is when kids get very, uh, entertaining--to say the least.
So today we went to the library. We made it on time, things were going swimmingly. Olivia was in her separate storytime class. Maia and Mika were with me in circle storytime. Maia began to complain that she was hungry and go thru my bag. We don't eat in the library so I had no snacks. She had, unfortunately, left a very nourishing and delicious breakfast of apple cinnamon steel cut oats and turkey bacon mostly untouched at home. I explained that we'd have a yummy snack when we got home. She got it, she accepted it but I don't think her blood sugar was copasetic with the whole idea. You see, she held it together as long as she could but by the time both storytimes were over, despite the fact that I let her play on the computer for a bit to distract and abate her--she lost it. COMPLETELY. WILDLY. IRRATIONALLY. LOUDLY. PROFUSELY.EXPLOSIVELY. I think that is enough adverbs. You must get the idea. If not, let me set the picture better.
Imagine yourself in a library, filled with mothers and children after storytime. Imagine having your 5 month old in a sling attached to your body, your 5 yr old walking obediently next you and your 2.5 yr old completely out of control. You, lovingly, pick up her by her arm and almost trip over her. You, calmly, tell her that she gets nothing when she cries. With complete composure, you pick out "The Book of Virtues for Young Children" (don't you love irony?) -- what you are looking for and make your way to the "hold" section. Your screaming child refuses to follow.
So you put her over your shoulder softly, you smile into all the kind, knowing motherly faces and head to the "hold" section. You place said 2.5 yr old down. She kicks and rolls all over the floor. You get "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs" for your 5 yr old. She has been waiting for about 10 days for it to come in. Your 2.5 yr old is still throwing the best temper tantrum you have EVER seen, complete with EAR SPLITTING SCREAMS (in the adult section of the library no less), huge crocodile tears, proceeds to roll all over the ground while ignoring nice passers by who ask her what is wrong. Even a kind 4yr old comes over and gives her a gentle pat on the hand. You walk away 15ft to the self check out. That computer is down. You walk back and claim her when a librarian you know is asking her above question. You walk to another checkout, you can't see her but you can hear her--very well. And she saw where you went.
Your 5 yr old is worried and agitated that you are going to leave her loud, but beloved, little sister. You explain that it is ok. She sasses back to you and you firmly tell her to not talk to you that way. You check out your books--still ignoring the world class act of a tantrum 20 ft away. You walk back to your tantrumer, telling the ppl looking at her that she is yours. One kind mother, who has teenagers, smiles amusedly at you and tells you that it is ok, that she's been there. You tell your 2.5 yr old to come along--that you are leaving now and you walk away.
Another wise mother walks past you, looks you affirmingly in the face and says," You are handling this perfectly". You say thank you twice and still unruffled, even more boosted by the encouraging comments, you beckon to your still wailing little one and walk away.
Your 5 yr old is now upset. She is convinced you are abandoning her sisterly playmate. You tell her that you would never leave her sibling that her sister will follow. She stubbornly retorts that she won't. You remind her to speak in a kind voice to her mother and to watch her sister follow. She does. At this point you are pretty surprised at how unbothered you are, how humorous this is, how thankful you are by the support of strangers and that your kid is following despite her howling the whole time. Another mother smiles and says, "We've all been here...so fun!"
You get to your van. You remind the 2.5 yr old that it is her turn to unlock the car. She does it thru her cries that are a tad more muted now because 10 straight, hardcore minutes of screaming her head off must be exhausting. But she regroups and rededicates herself to complaining and yelling to let her out when you, unemotionally, buckle her carseat.
You make it home. You tell her to finish her tantrum in bed because she is obviously too tired to show her good behavior. She quiets down, she apologizes (upon your request) for screaming and tantruming in the library and at home. She, then, commences to be a sweetheart for the rest of the day. In fact, this is the first time in 9 days that she gone down for a nap easily and without a fuss on her part or frustration and anger on yours.
IMAGINE THAT.
Now, imagine how good you feel knowing that you were obviously attended by angels, both seen and unseen, as you experienced all this.
Imagine how good you will feel tonight as you put your head to pillow knowing that you kept your composure, didn't compromise your parenting values to save face in public and knowing that even when your gorgeous teensy snippet of a sweet, yet determined, spirit of a daughter does this again that you know that you have developed some extremely useful skills at handling your 3 children in public. And now you have more skills at keeping your fire breathing dragon mommy alter ego in check and now you have one more reason to look yourself in the mirror in the morning and say to yourself ," You can do this, you are a good mother."
Isn't amazing how a potentially nightmare of experience can help us truly love and enjoy the moments of motherhood? I, literally, felt joy and contentment--no embarrassment, guilt or shame at my 2.5 yr old throwing a doozy of a temper tantrum in front of a hundred women, men and small children. In fact, I am almost wanting it to happen again. Ignoring her tantrum was surprisingly fun and satifying. Too bad, I didn't have a camera with me. That would have been great to document and add here. But that would've left less to the imagination now wouldn't it?.
But just for fun and in case you are a visual person, here is a fuzzy picture (so you can imagine your own sweet, unhappy little one) of my sweet, unhappy Maia from a few months back.
So today we went to the library. We made it on time, things were going swimmingly. Olivia was in her separate storytime class. Maia and Mika were with me in circle storytime. Maia began to complain that she was hungry and go thru my bag. We don't eat in the library so I had no snacks. She had, unfortunately, left a very nourishing and delicious breakfast of apple cinnamon steel cut oats and turkey bacon mostly untouched at home. I explained that we'd have a yummy snack when we got home. She got it, she accepted it but I don't think her blood sugar was copasetic with the whole idea. You see, she held it together as long as she could but by the time both storytimes were over, despite the fact that I let her play on the computer for a bit to distract and abate her--she lost it. COMPLETELY. WILDLY. IRRATIONALLY. LOUDLY. PROFUSELY.EXPLOSIVELY. I think that is enough adverbs. You must get the idea. If not, let me set the picture better.
Imagine yourself in a library, filled with mothers and children after storytime. Imagine having your 5 month old in a sling attached to your body, your 5 yr old walking obediently next you and your 2.5 yr old completely out of control. You, lovingly, pick up her by her arm and almost trip over her. You, calmly, tell her that she gets nothing when she cries. With complete composure, you pick out "The Book of Virtues for Young Children" (don't you love irony?) -- what you are looking for and make your way to the "hold" section. Your screaming child refuses to follow.
So you put her over your shoulder softly, you smile into all the kind, knowing motherly faces and head to the "hold" section. You place said 2.5 yr old down. She kicks and rolls all over the floor. You get "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs" for your 5 yr old. She has been waiting for about 10 days for it to come in. Your 2.5 yr old is still throwing the best temper tantrum you have EVER seen, complete with EAR SPLITTING SCREAMS (in the adult section of the library no less), huge crocodile tears, proceeds to roll all over the ground while ignoring nice passers by who ask her what is wrong. Even a kind 4yr old comes over and gives her a gentle pat on the hand. You walk away 15ft to the self check out. That computer is down. You walk back and claim her when a librarian you know is asking her above question. You walk to another checkout, you can't see her but you can hear her--very well. And she saw where you went.
Your 5 yr old is worried and agitated that you are going to leave her loud, but beloved, little sister. You explain that it is ok. She sasses back to you and you firmly tell her to not talk to you that way. You check out your books--still ignoring the world class act of a tantrum 20 ft away. You walk back to your tantrumer, telling the ppl looking at her that she is yours. One kind mother, who has teenagers, smiles amusedly at you and tells you that it is ok, that she's been there. You tell your 2.5 yr old to come along--that you are leaving now and you walk away.
Another wise mother walks past you, looks you affirmingly in the face and says," You are handling this perfectly". You say thank you twice and still unruffled, even more boosted by the encouraging comments, you beckon to your still wailing little one and walk away.
Your 5 yr old is now upset. She is convinced you are abandoning her sisterly playmate. You tell her that you would never leave her sibling that her sister will follow. She stubbornly retorts that she won't. You remind her to speak in a kind voice to her mother and to watch her sister follow. She does. At this point you are pretty surprised at how unbothered you are, how humorous this is, how thankful you are by the support of strangers and that your kid is following despite her howling the whole time. Another mother smiles and says, "We've all been here...so fun!"
You get to your van. You remind the 2.5 yr old that it is her turn to unlock the car. She does it thru her cries that are a tad more muted now because 10 straight, hardcore minutes of screaming her head off must be exhausting. But she regroups and rededicates herself to complaining and yelling to let her out when you, unemotionally, buckle her carseat.
You make it home. You tell her to finish her tantrum in bed because she is obviously too tired to show her good behavior. She quiets down, she apologizes (upon your request) for screaming and tantruming in the library and at home. She, then, commences to be a sweetheart for the rest of the day. In fact, this is the first time in 9 days that she gone down for a nap easily and without a fuss on her part or frustration and anger on yours.
IMAGINE THAT.
Now, imagine how good you feel knowing that you were obviously attended by angels, both seen and unseen, as you experienced all this.
Imagine how good you will feel tonight as you put your head to pillow knowing that you kept your composure, didn't compromise your parenting values to save face in public and knowing that even when your gorgeous teensy snippet of a sweet, yet determined, spirit of a daughter does this again that you know that you have developed some extremely useful skills at handling your 3 children in public. And now you have more skills at keeping your fire breathing dragon mommy alter ego in check and now you have one more reason to look yourself in the mirror in the morning and say to yourself ," You can do this, you are a good mother."
Isn't amazing how a potentially nightmare of experience can help us truly love and enjoy the moments of motherhood? I, literally, felt joy and contentment--no embarrassment, guilt or shame at my 2.5 yr old throwing a doozy of a temper tantrum in front of a hundred women, men and small children. In fact, I am almost wanting it to happen again. Ignoring her tantrum was surprisingly fun and satifying. Too bad, I didn't have a camera with me. That would have been great to document and add here. But that would've left less to the imagination now wouldn't it?.
But just for fun and in case you are a visual person, here is a fuzzy picture (so you can imagine your own sweet, unhappy little one) of my sweet, unhappy Maia from a few months back.
Monday, April 14, 2008
The UNCranky Report
Last week, I confessed my crankiness. This week I am happy to report that the whole early to bed and early to rise thing is definitely all that it cracked up to be. However, if I am being completely honest and accurate it was "EARLIER to bed and early to rise". My goal was to retire between 9:30-10:30pm. I did do this at the beginning of the week and towards the end it was more like 10:45-11pm and on one day 11:30 or 12am. BUT it has been much better. And the getting up about 6:50am is WONDERFUL! There is nothing like waking up in the lovely peace of the morning, sitting in the playroom on the futon, snuggling into a blanket, listening to the birds chirping, seeming to feel the earth awakeningwhile soaking in that serene feeling of the morning light increasing and the sun peaking over the mountains; now add to that reading my scriptures and journaling. There is no better way for the day to begin. The girls have also tended to sleep in about 15 minutes more since I began so I am getting a solid 15min-25min alone in the morning.
Now it wasn't all ease and I didn't make it everyday. I did it 4 days out of the 5 weekdays and nothing on the weekend early morning wise. It really has been a delight. However, this isn't to say that I haven't been cranky at all. I mean, come on, I am human, a woman, a mother of three small children. AND if you know me, I am not the mild mannered sort either. This mommies experiences lots of feelings and can express them when the need arises. So anyway, the crankiness is lifting.
We have begun to do a few more simple things to connect and be happy as girls throughout the day and we are having a superb time. A mother friend of mine mentioned to me that she reminds herself to play to her strengths as a mother. I have pondered that alot. So that is my focus this week--to focus on my strengths and develop them. I think I have a tendency to focus on weeding out or strengthening my weaknesses so much that I forget to enjoy my strengths.
She is so wise-- so that is what I am doing and so far it is a breath of fresh, fun air.
Now it wasn't all ease and I didn't make it everyday. I did it 4 days out of the 5 weekdays and nothing on the weekend early morning wise. It really has been a delight. However, this isn't to say that I haven't been cranky at all. I mean, come on, I am human, a woman, a mother of three small children. AND if you know me, I am not the mild mannered sort either. This mommies experiences lots of feelings and can express them when the need arises. So anyway, the crankiness is lifting.
We have begun to do a few more simple things to connect and be happy as girls throughout the day and we are having a superb time. A mother friend of mine mentioned to me that she reminds herself to play to her strengths as a mother. I have pondered that alot. So that is my focus this week--to focus on my strengths and develop them. I think I have a tendency to focus on weeding out or strengthening my weaknesses so much that I forget to enjoy my strengths.
She is so wise-- so that is what I am doing and so far it is a breath of fresh, fun air.
Tuesday, April 08, 2008
The Fairy Tea Party
Back in February, the library had a Fairy Tea Party. It was really cute. We were really lucky to have gotten tickets because if Talia hadn't been patient or kind enough to offer to get our tickets when she got hers AND then stood in line for them for several hours--we would not have gone. I am glad that we went because I always love an excuse to dress up or in this case--wear fairy wings! I had this HUGE pair my sister gave me. I usually have them on the wall of my girls room but I fixed them for wearing and threw them on. It was quite fun. Olivia was all cuteness in hers as well. We walked into the ballroom and it was totally decorated in lights, flowers and sparkles.
We sat at the Chrysanthemum table.
These cute party favors were there to meet us when we sat.
Mommy and Eldest Daughter Fairy Duo
We were so caught up in the magic of our fairy experience that we tried to take fairy flight.
Fly! Fly! Fly! Fly! Fly! Fly!
It didn't go as planned so someone suggested we try flying together.They were sure we'd accomplish the task and offered to take pictures. Fly! Fly! Fly!
We look much better on the ground anyway, right?
We had a great time together. We don't often get lots of uninterrupted one on one time together anymore so this was a great time for us to do something out of the ordinary. Next year, we get to bring Maia. She is going to love it. Since she was Tinkerbell for Halloween last year, maybe she will sprinkle us with some pixie dust--we will surely fly then :) We can't wait.
Monday, April 07, 2008
Attack of the Super Cranky Mommy
"Mommy, you've been cranky all day long, could you please try to be happy"--Olivia
"Mommy, you've been cranky all day long, I think you need more sleep so you can be happier"--Olivia
This was what Olivia told me several times last week.
Can you guess what kind of mood I was in last week? Can you guess the reason? Sleep. That is right. It is vital that mommies get as much as they can. My girls' behavior is directly proportional to the amount of good sleep they get. That is true for me as well. But you say to yourself..you are the mother of a almost 5 month old, 2.5 and 5 yr old--isn't sleep supposed to be quite limited for you at this point in your life? Well, not really for us. Olivia and Maia sleep thru the night, they only wake on occasion for a hug after a bad dream or a spoonful of peanut butter (Maia). The culprit of my sleep deprived crankiness?
Little Old (I do need to post about my 30th Birthday) Southern Me.
This Mommy is a stickler for the girls heavenly 6:30 P.M. bedtime and she needs to be more of a stickler when it comes to her own bedtime. So that was my goal last night. Go to bed at a decent time so I could grant Olivia her afore mentioned request. So, I went to bed at 10:30 P.M. and woke up at 6:50 A.M.BEFORE (WAHOO!!) my energetic jumping princesses. I read my scriptures and journaled all before they found me in the playroom. I, then, proceeded to make them and myself breakfast, cleaned the bathrooms, vacuumed, unclogged a drain and got ready for the day-- all before Michaela woke up.
This is a very dreamy start to this week but hey...part of enjoying life comes in savoring the shining moments right? It was even a pretty good hair day.
I did happen to be thinking about blogging this as I got ready this morning ay 8:57 am exactly. So this is my goal this week..go to bed no later than 10:30--9:30 would be ideal, 10pm would be great but 10:30 is good and realistic. I'll let you know how this flies next Monday.
"Mommy, you've been cranky all day long, I think you need more sleep so you can be happier"--Olivia
This was what Olivia told me several times last week.
Can you guess what kind of mood I was in last week? Can you guess the reason? Sleep. That is right. It is vital that mommies get as much as they can. My girls' behavior is directly proportional to the amount of good sleep they get. That is true for me as well. But you say to yourself..you are the mother of a almost 5 month old, 2.5 and 5 yr old--isn't sleep supposed to be quite limited for you at this point in your life? Well, not really for us. Olivia and Maia sleep thru the night, they only wake on occasion for a hug after a bad dream or a spoonful of peanut butter (Maia). The culprit of my sleep deprived crankiness?
Little Old (I do need to post about my 30th Birthday) Southern Me.This Mommy is a stickler for the girls heavenly 6:30 P.M. bedtime and she needs to be more of a stickler when it comes to her own bedtime. So that was my goal last night. Go to bed at a decent time so I could grant Olivia her afore mentioned request. So, I went to bed at 10:30 P.M. and woke up at 6:50 A.M.BEFORE (WAHOO!!) my energetic jumping princesses. I read my scriptures and journaled all before they found me in the playroom. I, then, proceeded to make them and myself breakfast, cleaned the bathrooms, vacuumed, unclogged a drain and got ready for the day-- all before Michaela woke up.
This is a very dreamy start to this week but hey...part of enjoying life comes in savoring the shining moments right? It was even a pretty good hair day.
I did happen to be thinking about blogging this as I got ready this morning ay 8:57 am exactly. So this is my goal this week..go to bed no later than 10:30--9:30 would be ideal, 10pm would be great but 10:30 is good and realistic. I'll let you know how this flies next Monday.
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