Is this thing in focus?

Do you ever wonder if you are too focused? Or that your target isn't what you should be shooting for in the first place? Doing your best, being your best, growth and becoming better. These have been my foci as long as I can remember. But ya know, I am kind of tired of thinking that way. I have come to a point in my life where just being me takes more energy than I "think" I have. But I wonder if its not that I don't have energy but because I am not putting the most important things first and the things that matter the least are sucking my valuable energy.

Ever since Maia was born, life has been a transition. Which is to be expected, there is no going back to "normal" as your family grows. It is all about a new normal. Just like a growing garden, it is in a constant yet regular state of change. However, what is coming to my realization is that I am not doing those things that I did regularly before Maia was born and I haven't really refit my consistency with the change that has occurred. Its like using the same recipe that serves 3 and not increasing it to suit the needs of an extra guest, so who suffers and sacrifices when there is not enough for the guest? The host, of course.

Growing up in the south and living very near to my beloved grandmother, I witnessed virtually weekly her gracious and generous hosting. And there were ALWAYS extra guests. And if my memory serves me correctly, there was always enough. And she enjoyed her guests. She always made more than enough and even had plenty of leftovers to send home with us. That is who I want to be, and I need to put more preparation in becoming that person...

Which brings me right back to my initial question, am I focusing too much on doing more and being better? Frankly, I don't know how NOT to. But its a question running thru my head. Am I relying too much on the arm of the flesh and not on the the Lord? Am I bearing burdens alone and not asking for the promised help of the Lord? I'm not sure. I am sure am trying though.

Earlier this year, I listened to a prompting that told me to get up before my children (at 6:30 am) and read my scriptures but my daughter, Olivia would always wake up with me. That said, she did do well at letting me read and it was a positive experience because she has developed a love and abiding interest in the scriptures but it kind of undermines the whole "get up before your kids and prepare for the day" thing. Which, of course, is less motivating to get up, day after day after interrupted night. So do I need to get up earlier? Or maybe I can just read after they go to bed since we just changed bedtime from 8pm to 6:30 pm (a dream come true let me tell you!)

I guess maybe I am just feeling burned out and feel like I am spinning my wheels a bit. Being a mother is so demanding, I am the one who sets the tone for our home and if I am in a bad mood, EVERYONE else is in a bad mood. If I am sleepy, I just have to push thru it till night and hope for an uninterrupted night. I don't want to whine, I love being a mom and I'd never ever change it but I am feeling stretched and its not comfortable. Then to even begin thinking and planning for a third child, homeschooling and life changes upon graduation...phew..its alot. I wonder if I am equal to this, I wonder how ANY woman has ever been equal to such demands and these are GOOD things I am talking about. A new baby, teaching one's children and college graduation are things that we dream and get excited about as little Mia Maids and Laurels. Amazing how the fruition of our dreams can be overwhelming and feel almost suffocating, isn't it?

I suppose I just have to strap on the old joy bag and do my best and rely on the Lord on plug ahead, bringing me back to my initial question....

Maia is growing up

It is amazing, our little peanut is just blossoming. She is saying new words, showing her personality and getting more teeth. But she is still just a little button, so tiny with such a big presence. Maia's vocabulary and sign language is growing steadily. She is showing off her smarts all the time and its so fun to behold. Last night, I told her that we were gonna get into our pj's and then I'd give her a cookie. I showed her the sign for "cookie". She did the sign back to me and got all excited. She apparently knew exactly what I was talking about. So I changed her clothes and then Olivia came over to ask a question. So I responded, "We are gonna get our pj's on and then what are we gonna do, Mai?". She looked at me in the eye and smiled big and signed "cookie'!. I am very proud of my fast learner. When I put her in her chair, she signed cookie again and then said, "kuki". Its so fun to see her learn and grow! Today while carrying her into a store she pointed to the sky and distinctly said "bird". She was right, there were 2 birds flying verhead. She has begun to bring me diapers when she wants a diaper change. She has learned so many signs and said so many words in the last couple weeks. She can sign cookie, bread, apple, please, all done. She says da da, starting to make sounds that sound like "Oey" (what my mom calls Olivia), ma ma (sometimes), apple, up, bread, all done, bird, kitten, cow, cookie, and her version of thank you, she started saying "amen" like 2 days ago. She say "ah, ah" when she does something she is not supposed to do and "uh oh" when she drops something. Its just fun. Its hilarious to see her dance, she raises her hands in the air like the family on My Big Fat Greek Wedding and looks like she should say "Opa!" any second. She is just a cutie.


Olivia is so good to her and with her. I couldn't ask for her to be a better big sister. They are so cute together, I am so thrilled that they have one another. Just an update, we love our girlies.

My lucky number is 4

And today my firstborn turned four years old. It is official. Our baby years are over. My brilliant, intelligent, energetic little lovey is a KID. It is shocking. Where did the time go? This time last year I was snuggling with her for our first night together and now she is sleeping in her big girl bunkbed, that she made this morning, and wearing 4T sleeper pajamas. This little girl has brought me so much joy and a myriad of opportunities to become better. There have been moments, specifically in the past year, where I wasn't sure I was the right woman for the job of raising her and I thought I would go insane. And there have been moments where tears have clouded my vision because of the love and joy that comes from being her mother, from just observing her discover everything around her. She takes my breath away.

I remember when she was about a year old and we just locked eyes and our spirits spoke to each other. There was a recognition, a confirmation that in no uncertain terms that we were supposed to be together. That I was to be her mother and she, my daughter. Olivia is a gem. She is so bright and tender. So intuitive and strong willed, so loving and sincere. She is a powerful spirit. I pray that I will guide her in goodness and wisdom throughout her life, that she will always know of her majesty and divinity. That she will look to her Heavenly Father always, that she will love her Savior and apply the Atonement in her life. That she will know and feel that Sam and I love her immensely. That she will recognize truth and that she will live it.

Today was a neat day because we spent about 30 minutes, writing and spelling words. She'd ask me how to spell words like "volcano", "gooey geyser", "mermaid", "cookie" and so forth. I would look at her as she writing and she was so grown up. I cannot believe that she is four years old. It's a whole new chapter we are beginning and I am so grateful to be apart of it. My cup runneth over. Oh wow, I have a four year old.

GOOD DAY!!

Good days exist and I am living proof. I have wondered what ever happened to the good ole days and today I had one. I started off the day with some special time with my husband, read some scriptures, said my prayers...oh and lest I forget..BOTH OF MY CHILDREN SLEPT THRU THE NIGHT! The kids woke up happy. They ate breakfast happy. I did oversleep my 5:45am tennis appt but I did some Turbo Jam and all this tennis playing I have done the past 2 mos has brought me into good condition because the workout was MUCH easier than I anticipated. We played with friends. Olivia happily came when it was time to leave friends house and was very cooperative in getting ready in the morning.

I have had a goal lately of my daughter to bed at 6:30ish pm. But that goal in mainly contigent on my starting dinner at 3pm, I have noticed when I do this I ALWAYS get things done for the day..when I do it later than that..well, I don't. So, I made a new dinner dish, Tepanyaki Special, began preparations for dinner at 3pm. O didn't nap but remained happy. Sam came home and took the girls out for a drive and some hot cocoa at this work. I finished dinner and we sat down and ate at 5pm. The girls ate their dinner and it was a pleasant dinner. I decided that chocolate chip cookies were in order. While I made them, Sam washed dishes!! Without my asking!!! We all danced, played and sang to music while we baked cookies and the dishes were washed. The girls were in their pjs by 6pm and we all watched 30 min of a Cinderella (Brandy version) and ate cookies.

Then we read books and scriptures and the girls went to bed. Maia was asleep by 7pm and O tried to fight it (in a pleasant way) but succumbed to sleep by 8pm. So now, I need to go do some quick tidying so I can read a book in bed and then go to sleep at a good hour. Nothing extremely special but it was a beautiful day!!

And just to explain the pictures, they were taken today while we were playing in the kitchen. My children are so tiny they fit in a medium sized stockpot! They are delicious enough to eat though huh?

Life shock

I am beginning to see how truly crazy life is-for EVERYONE. I remember hearing an apostle-I think it was Elder Eyring who once said in a talk that we ought to treat one others as if they are going thru a crisis in their lives because chances are that they are. This is so true. I was having a particularly challenging day yesterday and as I frequented the some online boards I am a part of I saw myself, my feelings and similiar experiences thru the expressions of other women. We are all going thru the same thing. This surprises me, but its not any wonder, generally speaking we deal with the same challenges and opportunities to grow everyday.

That said, I am blessed. My husband loves me. I love him. We love our children and they love us. We have food, clothing, shelter. We love the Lord, we feel the Spirit in our home, we know and live the gospel of Jesus Christ. We are healthy. We even have many of our wants despite having a meager income.

After listing all these life essentials it sound ludricrous for me to say that I feel like I am just struggling or drowning in my life. I love my life and beyond any improvements that would make it easier, if I had all that I have now for the rest of my life we'd be just fine and very happy. But I just can't seem to get control of my surroundings. I do feel the strength of the Lord but I am going thru my reality sort of shell-shocked. Tired and in a fog, still functional technically speaking but I just can't seem to get control and that is what I need. I guess I just need to keep giving my best, after all our best in combination with our faith in God is all we can give.

She was right

I have this friend named Sarah. She is a midwife and a wise, resilient, sincere friend. A few weeks back when I asked her how she knew I wouldn't suck as a doula. She told me that I was what they needed, not all my fancy skills or knowledge (not that they are all that fancy or extensive..lol) But I am finding she was right, however my journey is just beginning. But the first mom I was a doula had her baby a little over a week ago and I learned that lesson that Sarah told me, that I was what she and her family needed.

She did beautifully with her Hypnobabies and didn't need me much at all when I expected her to need me but there were times whereI was with her for about 7 hrs in the first time she went into labor and Sarah's admonition rang true. After that first time with her family where I took care of them, served her childrenin addition to the mother and the father. And when I came back for the real deal, the kids remembered me and welcomed me like a family member and I knew that in that moment I was supposed to be there.

My second mom went into prelabor this morning, I have been worrying about being a doula in a hospital, my first was a homebirth with the midwife that delivered my second daughter. Ironically, I had been prompted to lay out my clothes and pack my bag last night and when they called at 4:30 this morning I was ready. Again ironically, we were sent home (although those hours of labor turned her posterior baby so they were very significant and productive) but again I knew I was where I was supposed to be. I was needed because of who I am, not because of a class I took.

So, I am learning alot in this process. I have kind've been nervous and on edge about being a doula but the Lord is gently preparing me and teaching me things about myself in this stage of my life that are so important for me to know. I am where I am, as a mother, a wife, a doula, a sister, a daughter and so forth for a reason and I need to remember only to be who I am. To be true to it, to stand in my majesty always. I have struggled so much lately as I feel like I am relearning how to be a mother to my almost 4 year old. She has been challenging me almost to my detriment,at least that is how I feel sometimes, but I am trying to absorb the fact that if I am supposed to be with these women and men while they bring their children into the world then I am supposed to be with this daughter of mine because of who I am also. I just have to hold on fast to this realization. I believe this is extremely important for me to soak in and own. in. I still have processing to do but anyway....

I just wanted to thank that wise and kind Sarah for her words, they are becoming a significant part of me.

Give said the little stream

This primary song comes to mind when I think of my role as a mother and housewife.

“Give,” said the little stream,
“Give, oh! give, give, oh! give.”
“Give,” said the little stream,
As it hurried down the hill;
“I’m small, I know, but wherever I go The fields grow greener still.”
Chorus Singing, singing all the day,
“Give away, oh! give away.”
Singing, singing all the day,
“Give, oh! give away.”
2. “Give,” said the little rain,
“Give, oh! give, give, oh! give.”
“Give,” said the little rain,
As it fell upon the flow’rs;
“I’ll raise their drooping heads again,”
As it fell upon the flow’rs.
3. Give, then, as Jesus gives,
Give, oh! give, give, oh! give.
Give, then, as Jesus gives;
There is something all can give.
Do as the streams and blossoms do:
For God and others live.

Is it any wonder that we are so extraordinary as women? We are in the business of giving. It is what we do. Sometimes its hard, sometimes it feels as natural as breathing. Sometimes we try not to give of ourselves in the hopes to reserve something for ourselves. But ultimately it is in the giving that we do receive. It's in the giving our precious time to the Lord that we are filled to have the ability to give. It is in the giving of our faith and hope that we receive blessings and are fortified. I've been marveling at women around me, we give so much. It is inspirational. It makes me want to give more, knowing that if I yoke myself to the Lord that the giving won't be a burden and that I will always have enough to give.

These are the moments that I thank God that I am alive

I feel good. I have been generally feeling this way for a little while now and I love it. I think alot of things are influencing the way I feel. Number one, reading the Book of Mormon every night to my children. I was asked to give a talk on why the Book of Mormon was important to us and it was the perfect timing for that talk. I love the book. It is so true. It really does change lives. It has shined such a lovely light on my life as I have been truly using and partaking of it more fully.

Number two, I am feeling offically UNpostpartum. Maia turned one and since then the stubborn baby fat has been coming off more easily and people have been telline me right and left how good I am looking. That and I am playing tennis....my love. I love the game. It makes me feel strong, capable, wise and vibrant inside. The girl, Marissa, I have been playing with is such a great companion and a great player. I am grateful for her.

Number three, Olivia is sleeping and behaving like the daughter I once knew and I am feeling much more confident in handling her. I am becoming a better mother for her in the stage we are passing thru. Refreshing! Not many things feel better than feeling capable.

Number four, I am facing a challenge of the mind pertaining to my capacity and have found myself capable once again. I don't know if I have written much about being a doula and my concerns about it. But in discussing with a friend, Sarah, about my cocerns in being a doula she told me that more than anything my clients would need me. After yesterday, I found that to be true. I had my first experience as a doula and I loved it and I was enough. Though her labor took a break and this experience is not complete. I walk into it knowing I am enough and what peace that is! I am not one to shy away from who I am. I try to be true to me, but I began to doubt my ability after completing my doula workshop. But now I realize its just Satan. My husband is thrilled that I am doing this. He says it makes him proud to see me doing it, developing my skills and overcoming any self doubts I have. I have so much to say about my experience yesterday..but I will write on it when the whole extraordinary experience is complete.

Number 5-I AM SO GRATEFUL TO BE A STAY AT HOME MOM AND WIFE. I love my "job" and nothing comes before it. I love it. I love my husband and I adore my daughters.

This is how I am feeling... I love this quote.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." ^^ Authored and published by Marianne Williamson ^^

"Yes, This is Wonder Woman speaking. Could you please hold?"

Life has been such a whirlwind this past week. A good whirlwind. I have nothing to complain about but man do I feel whipped. Things have been nonstop since this time last week and I thought they'd slow down today but I was mistaken. I feel like Superwoman who is in desperate need of a sugar free dark chocolate bar and a good UNINTERRUPTED :) night's sleep. From Home, Family and Personal Enrichment planning and execution to helping a most beloved sister-in-law to 3 days and 24 hrs of doula training to preparing last minute (which took hours) details for the Fantastic Friday display on Sunday to 6am tennis to unclogging bathtub drain to reseasoning a VERY rusty dutch oven to washing laundry, running errands, back to a most beloved sister in law to buying a birthday present to the birthday and back home for evening bedtime routine and to sink overflowing with dishes and a messy livingroom I just cleaned 8 hrs earlier...I am BEAT. Seriously, someone take me home and put me to bed!
HOWEVER, despite needing to put my feet up and snuggle in bed with a good book all this productivity makes me feel very good. So, I am gonna go wash just enough dishes for breakfast and out the door to preschool and a vaccination appointment in the morning.

Sleep well, Wonder Woman, Sleep well. You just might too, after all, you did give your 3.5 yr old some benadryl just before bed. That might be just what you need to get a good night's rest ;)

OH! And by the way, THEY HAVE DARK CHOCOLATE COVERED RAISINETS NOW!! Talk about a perfect treat. I have been literally dreaming about and telling my friends that one of my favorite treats-Raisinets would be perfect if they came in dark chocolate. Well, my dream has come true!

My cup runneth over

Well, I can't believe its been a week since I last wrote. This whole blog this is neat. I like writing out the thoughts of my mind and keeping my own record. It feels really nice. So, alot has happened in a week. First and foremost, I feel good. I really do. I am starting to feel like myself again. I am feeling more happy, upbeat and peppy. I think I am going with the flow more of this hectic and learning phase of my life. I am getting used to things that have been jolts to my system and I suppose I am getting a hang of the craziness of this season of my life. It does help that Olivia is moving out of the disequilibrium of being 3.5 yrs old and moving into more emotional equilibrium of turning 4. I know that 4 will come with its own unique challenges as well but I ready for a change. And four is my lucky number after all. Not that it means that all will be daisies and sunshines because that just isn't a consistent something to expect. There are those kinds of moments to anticipate and I am looking forward to them.

So, I mentioned that Home, Family and Personal Enrichment was coming up and that I am the HFPE leader- which tends to be a usual calling of mine. But I LOVE it. So, Vicki Tate came last night. We had a taster's table-all food from food storage and one with garden harvest/food storage combo. We had displays on how to creatively store your food storage. We had folders with laminated food storage calendars, recipes and other info. And guess what. It went BEAUTIFULLY!! I could not have asked for it to have gone better.

We had the best attendance ever! Sister Tate was so impressed with the interaction and attention of everyone, people requested group orders for things and the food was DELICIOUS. Delicious, I say! There was this 11 yr old girl who came in for seconds of the wheat chili even. We had Pinto Bean fudge, Wheat Chili, Whole Wheat Bread (the EASIEST recipe ever..it was perfect!), Honey Butter, Homemade Applesauce, Garden Harvest and Bean Salad, Country Hearth Muffins, Whole Wheat Chocolate Cake made with dehydrated eggs and dry milk and the Cannery Fruit Drink Mix. People didn't even realize that it was food storage stuff, that the cake was whole wheat or the fudge had beans in them. Even Sister Tate, who is an expert of yummy food storage said the food was delicious, had a full plate and was enjoying herself. I cannot tell you how good it made me feel. She complimented me on the spread and setup before, during and after her presentation. Of course, it wasn't all me. My HFPE counselor is my best friend in this. We make such a good complimentary team. We were on the phone alot on Monday and Tuesday. But I was in charge of the food storage portion of the evening (we also had a class on Family History, it was a MythBusters HFPE) so it was my baby. I am so blessed to be surrounded by good people. I called 3 other ppl to help me with the cooking and I was grateful for their support. My cup, again, runneth over.

Our goal was to fire up the sisters about Food Storage, to learn and build on what we know, to get pp there and it all happened. I was surprised at how many ppl didn't have Sister Tate's book, but they all want it now and many other things she mentioned. Anyway, it really went well. I am still feeling the warm fuzzies.

Ok, so my friend, Gabrielle-Gabby called me last week to say that there was a doula course she was gonna take this Th, F and Sat (all day) and wanted me to do it with her. That she'd like to pay for my course so that I'd have no excuses to not do it. At first, I wasn't sure if I really wanted to do it. I didn't want to leave my girls for 8 hrs for 3 days straight and I was heartbroken knowing that I'd miss my most favorite Utah fall event, the watermelon festival in Green River. I can't express how much I LOVE it. LOVE IT! I am still quite sad that I am missing it. So, after some prayer, support from my kind hubby, some good counsel from my friends , Sara-who gave me perspective and really boosted my desire and Corey, who called me on the fact that the only reason that I wouldn't do it was because I was being a chicken..a LAZY chicken at that, I start my doula training tomorrow!

Again, I have great people who are willing to love and watch after my girls while I am away. I am so looking forward to learningnew things about a topic that I am quite passionate about new and developing a new skill.

So, I love the Book of Mormon. This reading outloud as the girls fall asleep at night is the best thing I could be doing every night. And the timing of it all is so easy. We have not missed a night yet. Olivia hasn't fussed about bedtime in a week. She goes to sleep in her bed. And if she is not asleep when I finish one chapter she asks for more. And I feel the Spirit very strongly as I read. I love the Book of Mormon. It is true. Every parent should be reading it to their children at night. I hope that we keep this tradition forever. We all have more love for one another, all of our behaviors have been improved and a more peaceful spirit abounds in our home. Wow. I am so glad my mom suggested it, I am so blessed that I listened.

I feel good, I feel great, I feel wonderful

The day has begun and I am feeling GOOOD!!! And I wanted to make sure that I documented such a superb feeling. I woke up this morning at 6:30 and got to play tennis for about 45 min, I did really well too. Tennis was my passion in high school. I ate, drank, slept, dreamed, thought tennis. Its rejuvenating to revive that passion. I am dressed and so are the girls. Its a beautiful, mild late summer morning. We just need to eat some breakfast and do our hair and we are gonna go for a walk. Vicki Tate, the author of Cooking with Home Storage, a big good storage guru is gonna be our guest speaker at HFPE next week, I am looking forward to that and Olivia has awakened for the second day in a row in her normal pleasant, obedient self. This Book of Mormon reading is potent, let me tell ya. I am not going to be dense and ungrateful and write it off as luck or coincidence.

"There is a power in the book which will begin to flow into your lives the moment you begin a serious study of the book. You will find greater power to resist temptation. You will find the power to avoid deception. You will find the power to stay on the strait and narrow path. The scriptures are called “the words of life” (D&C 84:85), and nowhere is that more true than it is of the Book of Mormon. When you begin to hunger and thirst after those words, you will find life in greater and greater abundance."

That isn't the quote I was looking for but as I type, the first tantrum of the day has come and gone and I was not even tempted to be bothered by it. Now Olivia is happily trying on my bra for Maia. LOL! We have breakfasted. Now to do hair and the walk.

Is this me or what?

They even have ones that say "Chocolate Baby"...never for any other reason would I be tempted to pay 17 bucks for a t-shirt, but that would fit me and my girlies so well on many different levels. They have some at Shepherd's Cake and Candy here but were all out when I went there. The one they carry sounds like it's a cuter font and t-shirt. I just think this is hilarious.

Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming

Yowza, I am one sleepy woman! My house is a disaster. I cannot seem to keep up though I am putting in valiant efforts. I guess life with young children really is about chaos and learning to accept it within reason. Something that is somewhat challenging because I was raised to decrease chaos not accept it.

I have been organizing here and there, getting rid of more and more things. On Saturday, while driving to a family get together, there were 6 abandoned large black and clear organizing rubbermaid drawers sitting on the corner of a block. I love those things consequentlly but am too cheap to buy them. Hooray! Don't ya love it when that happens? They have helped me decrease the chaos. Today, I DI'ed a double stroller back to DI, where Sam got it earlier this year. I also went thru all the bins of girls clothing I have and took out those I don't love and filled an entire large Bath and Body Works bag of clothing to Kid to Kid, along with a Leapfrog play gym, some shoes, a window sunblocker, a ball popper, some books and dvds. I hope to get some extra money. We'll cross our fingers. Ok, I better go start dinner and go back to creating a bit more order...may the force be with me ;)

I, Tisha, having been born of goodly parents

Well, as I might have mentioned Olivia has been having a hard time going to sleep. The alligators in her room are bothering her....what alligators you say? About 2 weeka ago, we were watching Disney's " The Happiest Millionaire" where an eccentric family has pet alligators. Olivia was supposedly asleep but she came out during a scene where the butler falls into the alligators' pool. He isn't hurt at all, because they are "nice" alligators but Olivia interpreted the alligators growls as negative. SO,we have endured many nights full of alligators who bother us and although we tell them that they won't get any treats if they don't leave and go home to there mommies or when I personally escort them out of the room or spray them away with "Alligator Be Gone" or tell her they are not really there...they really like Olivia and her room and want to stay.

SO, that brings me to today, she has been doing better the last few nights. But my mom suggested, that I read scriptures outloud to the girls as they go to bed. So we began 1 Nephi today. Olivia was out like a light pretty quickly and we got our family scripture study in..that does qualify right? It does set a nice tone to the end of the day and I won't the Spirit will abide with her and us through the night and help Olivia have good dreams.

Maia's 1st Birthday Party

We had a great time. It was so nice to be surrounded by friends and family to celebrate Maia. Kaylee aka, our Super Aunt Goddess, helped me TONS in pulling off the party. It was fun to share the experience. We cooked and she cleaned tons, the food would not have been ready on time without her. We had a Sandwich Ring, Pasta Salad, watermelon, cupcakes topped with sugar cookie stars that had a "1" or "M" written on them, ice cream and lemonade. Maia ate ALL her cupcake, getting most of it in her mouth.

In attendance were: Kaylee and Jarom, Sara, Matthew, Adele and Elaine, Talia, Grace and Clark, Emily, Autumn and Prarie. The little girls and Clark played well and loudly together, got all dressed up in dress up- Clark as well, in some white and purple glitter fairy wings. LOL! Adele favored up with many excerpts from Annie and did a smashing job too! Broadway just might be in her future.

Maia is REALLY enjoying her presents,which is saying something because she really isn't a toy kind of girl. But the Wooden Learning Center, Baby Einstein trilingual
Ocean book, Goodnight Moon board book and Leapfrog Learning Table have been quite the pleasant distraction.

Maia wore some lovely baby Walmart couture bought at Children's Orchard for 65 cents! I love bargains! The funniest things about it is that it was 0-3mos sizewise!
Her stats as of one year. 14lbs, 7oz -my little featherweight hasn't even doubled her birthweight (7lbs 6oz) and is in the less than 3rd percentile. She is 27.25 inches long (8%) and a smart 45.8cm head circumference in the 50th percentile.

She is doing the "all done" sign more regularly these days. She loves to clap her hands, stomp her feet, turn circles,dance, run after her big sister, climb ANYTHING, play in water-especially the tub and toilet if we'd let her;) She has started giving me kisses too. She walked up to me yesterday with a sock in her hand, held it out to me and said, "sok!", she was saying "duck" while we were at the botany pond this week so I am thinking it wasn't a fluke ;) She says "Da da", "bye bye", and only this morning mimicked me when I said diaper. She has a keen eye and instinct for she always seems to know when one of us is leaving the house and is at the door before we are. Even with all these fine accomplishments, she is keeping her doting mother on ever so anxious on pins and needles, waiting for her to say...MOMMA!!

And that is my proud mommy report on Maia Catherine-Hope Hunt, our newest creamy baby addition!

Maia dreamboat

Ok, so I call Maia ALOT of different things.

Maia Dreamboat, Maia Cate, Pumpkin, Sweet Cheeks.

Olivia calls her Maia, Maia Bell or Baby Maia.

I have made up songs too.

M-A-I-A, that is your name. Maaaaia!

Maia Catherine-Hope Hunt, that's who you are.
Maia Catherine-Hope Hunt, you are our little star.
Maia Catherine-Hope Hunt, you are so sweet.
Maia Catherine-Hope Hunt, you make our life a treat.

Maia Dreamboat, Maia Dreamboat, Maia Dreamboat
Maia, Maia, Maia.

Maia Cate, Woo! Maia Cate, Maia Cate, Maia Cate Maaaaia Cate.

And here is the sweetheart that inspires such words of love...

The beginning of my tender mercy

On the morning of August 31st, I had an appt with my midwife, Suzanne. I was one day short of being 41wks and I was dilated to 2cm and not effaced. All was well but Suzanne said, "Not looking like any baby today". Later on that afternoon after having a nice nap, I was sitting on the mauve lazyboy in the living room watching a "What not to wear" makeover show on Oprah. As the show was coming to an end, I shifted my weight and felt a slight ripping pop. In my mind I said to myself, that is exactly how it felt when my water broke with Olivia. I looked at my sister Tempest and said, " I think my water just broke". I stood up and walked to the bathroom and gushed the whole way. I called my sil to let her know; she was gonna have Olivia and Tempest over while we had the baby at home. She said she'd be there in 45 min or so. I called my dh, he left class. I called my mw and she said to call her when things got serious. We had plenty of time to do some cleaning, well Tempest and Sam did. I just sat on the pot while I continued to gush amniotic fluid...seriously I didn't know I could have so much fluid. :)

Kaylee came to get Tempest and Olivia and they went out to get some dinner for Sam and I. Our house was clean, quiet and peaceful. I was in heaven. Sam had PaPa John's pizza and I had half of a turkey bacon avocado sandwich from Kneaders. At about 9pm, I could feel things picking up and I told Sam that we should go get some rest and do some hypnobirthing. Things started to pick up after that about 9:30 and I was well on my way to having my second daughter. Sam was WONDERFUL. I really wanted to us to be a fluid team in this birth and it was everything I had hoped for.

For the first couple hrs, I sat on the birth ball and leaned forward into his lap while we did hypnoborthing and we kissed and smooched a little bit. It was really a special bonding experience, the positive energy was very tangible. I, then, decided that sitting upright on the toilet while hugging Sam made the contractions seem more "productive". It was great because Sam would prompt me to let go and release and I did. He would hug and squeeze me and I would go limp in his arms. I then felt like I wanted to throw up so I got on all fours in front of the toilet, so I could be close. It was funny because when surges came I would say outloud to myself, "I release and let go" and then I would relax on leaning forward on a birth ball in between contractions. It was like I was bowing before and worshiping the "toilet gods"They were getting more and more intense and I would start to shake and tremble with the power of the contractions and I wanted to get into the water.

So, Sam called Suzanne about 12:30ish. She got there about 1:30m, I was at a 4cm and about 50% effaced. I was happy, 4 being my lucky number, I felt it showed lots of promise. I labored sitting and hugging Sam on the toilet for a while longer because I felt so productive there and I didn't want the water to slow me down. I threw up and felt very relieved.I tried to get into the tub but the temperature was off and so I labored for a while longer outside of the tub, while they warmed the water. I was soothed a great deal on all fours while Sam would apply pressure to my right shoulder and say deeper, deeper..prompting me to go deeper into relaxation. I was really proud and pleased with myself at staying on top of the contractions, I even did many w/o Sam being there and that made me feel confident, even though I really wanted and was depending on his strength. I finally got in the tub about 2:30ish. I was at 5cm.

The water was nice and soothing. But getting into the tub changed things a bit, at that point Sam was getting tired and I wanted him to rest up so he wouldn't get too exhauted to be there for me later. I had him turn on my hypnobirthing tapes and he told suzanne some of the things that he did that I was responding well too. My recollection of time at this point gets really foggy. I labored well in the tub but had to ask for what I wanted and as things got more intense, that was frustrating for me and I started to get cranky. Suzanne checked me and I was at a 7...transition and boy was it a transition. Nothing anyone did was right and a contraction hit that just bowled me over. I was disappointed with myself for losing control after being in control for so long, Suzanne would tell me what to relax. Relax your left leg, relax your left hip, but I was tensing up more and more. I started to snap at Sam, at one point I remember him saying something to the effect of "relax, don't tense up" and I said, "don't tell me what NOT to do, tell me WHAT to do."

I think it was about 4:30ish. Another contraction came and I left loose a nice LOUD yell. I was freaking mad and frustrated. How in the heck could I lose it and how in the world was I ever gonna find whatever it was that I had lost? I told everyone to shut up. I was sick of being told to relax, I was sick of the stupid analogy of staying on top of the "wave". In my mind, the only thing that would help me relax was an epidural. I remember saying it was a shame there was no such thing as a homebirth epidural. I continued to yell, whine and tense for about 30 min according to Suzanne. I tried to scream to drown out the pain deep in the front of my abdomen, but it didn't work. A voice within told me to not to tense that it would only delay full dilation. I asked and pleaded with Suzanne to do something, wasn't there anything she could do? She was so calm and rational when she said she was sorry but there wasn't anything she could do make it stop. Her wisdom and calm annoyed me. I asked Maia to help me get her out. Sam tried to put his previously all powerful and comforting hand on my shoulder and I told him not to touch me. I remember beginning to ask the Lord to please help this be over soon, but I got the distinct impression that was not what I was to ask for. I felt alone. Noone could do anything for me. How in the world could I do it? How could I get thru it?

I kept saying outloud "I can't, I can't" and something very small yet deep within me responded vocally, "I can". It was a verbal battle. "I can't!!" a small trembling cry "I can". I told Suzanne we had to go-meaning go to the hospital. "We are going right now, right now!" She said, "Let me check you first" I was at an 8. Suzanne asked if she could call her apprentice Brigotte, who I love and adore. I said "fine whatever", but I didn't want her to see me all unglued. I asked for the MagBoy magnet, I told Sam to turn on my birth affirmation tape. I began to run the magnet over my belly. Something had to be done about the pain I was feeling low in the front of my uterus. I started saying my hypnobirthing scripts outloud to myself. "Go in the control room, find the dial for your uterus, turn in DOOOOOOWNNN. I started to moan loudly. TUURN it down MOOOOORE. Turn it down some MOOOOOOORE. Turn it OOOOOOFF. RESSSSST." Over and over, I would say moooore, reeeeest, turn it down mooooore. It seemed like forever. I was gaining much needed composure back. My uterus still hurt low and in front but I was in control. I was afraid to lose control again. I had to stay in control. I remember thinking it had been long enough. That if I had to do this much longer I might lose it again.

I told Suzanne she had 5 secs to check me. I was at a 9. I resumed my "rest, turn it down, more, rest" tantra while running the magnet over my abdomen. I asked for hot water. I liked the hot water on my belly. I communicated that. I opened my eyes after a while wonder how they were pouring water on my belly to see my sweet favorite Brigotte pouring a larger tupperware measuring cup on my belly. I was disoriented. I had thought I was still in the water but apparently I had been moving about back and forth on my side in the fetal position and was facing the opposite direction than I thought I was. I saw dawn light thru the blinds and the beautiful lavender curtains in my daughter's room. I got mad, wasn't it time yet?

It was just after 6am. I started to push, not because I felt the urge but because I had decided Maia should be out. I told her it was time to come out. I overcame the urge to curse. Suzanne kept asking me if I was feeling pushy. I told her I didn't know and to stop asking me questions. She checked me, I was complete but had a rim. I was on my side floating in the water, trying to get past the discomfort of pushing but it hurt and I was getting annoyed again. I yelled, who freaking cared if my upstairs neighbors heard? My hips and back hurt, I got a cramp in my hamstring from tensing. Brigotte pushed on my knees, which helped alot while Suzanne massaged my low back and hamstring. How that wonderful woman could take such abuse from and me then care for me and continue to love and believe in me was overwhelming. I asked her why it hurt to push, she checked me.

The rim of my cervix was coming ahead of the baby's head. She said I was gonna hate her but she had to push slip it back up over the baby's head while I pushed. It hurt, I told her to stop. I was mad, I was done! I told her to stick her fingers in there and do something...lol. She asked me if I would be willing to get out and get on the birthing stool. I said yes, Brigotte went to get that ready in the living room. When they were ready, they asked me if I was ready. I remember looking into Suzanne's eyes..she still believed in me. It was a challenge.

I stood up and marched down the hall into the living room. "It's cold, I am cold!" I whined. They covered and warmed me. Sam sat behind me in a rocking chair, I sat on the birth stool in front of him. I pushed, Suzanne put my feet on her legs as she sat in front of me. It opened my pelvis. Brigotte slipped some socks on me. I pushed, she tried to keep my cervix up around the baby's head. I felt pressure, I told her I was pooping, she said, "oh good" in a very chipper voice. It was as if she were the poop loving microbiologist instead of me. I felt the ring of fire, I greeted, I knew what that meant, I was crowning, the end was coming soon. Hooray for the ring of fire, my spirit was revived, that stool helped me focus my power downward. I got praised for good pushing. Suzanne asked if I wanted to touch the baby's head-something I LOVED doing with Olivia, I said no. Didn't she know I was busy pushing? I felt a pop, the head is out, is the head out? Maia's hand was up by her face, just like Olivia's had been. Suzanne told me to push more gently, "yeah right, let it all tear I thought, I don't care, I am done" but I obliged and pushed more gently. The cord was around Maia's neck and as her body was coming out Suzanne was still holding a bit of my cervix up and back. She was out, relief swept over me. It happened so fast, I sat on the stool at 6:45am and Maia was born September 1st at 6:51am. I knew immediately that she was much tinier than Olivia.

I found out a while later that she was 7lbs 6oz and 21inches long. I kept saying over and over again how I could not believe I did it. I trembled and whimpered in joy, relief and elation. She nursed perfectly from the get go. I had a minor superficial first degree tear that didn't require any stitching or glue and I haven't noticed its presence at all.

I got my homebirth. I didn't bleed at all after Maia was born as I had with Olivia. The placenta came out fast, Sam cut the cord and we were soon situated all snug in my wonderful bed. This birth was powerful, healing and harrowing in many ways. Will I homebirth again? I am pretty sure I will, am I at all nervous about facing that the fact that I might lose it again..yep absolutely. I am still processing this whole experience.

Sam, Suzanne and Brigotte are so proud of me. They say, yes, I lost it for 30 min out of 9hrs and 56 min, but that I should be so impressed with myself that I "found" it all on my own. Suzanne said it was amazing to watch me just choose to be in control again, that I did it all on my own. Her belief and faith in my ability did more than she realizes. Sam called me a trooper, that I should be way more pleased and impressed with myself more than I am. That he is proud. Brigotte says it was as if I was giving birth to myself that is was precious to behold.

Throughout this pgcy, I have felt like I have had to face and overcome my personal demons and weaknesses. To rely not on the praise of others but rely on my testimony of who I am and who it is that I am to become. I have felt the Lord give me opportunities that I have felt were too much for me but they were given to me to give me the opportunity to grow. This birth fit very appropriately in this season of my life. I have learned that even though things seem and feel impossible, they are only if impossible if I think they are. Do or do not, there is no try. There is no chance, no fate, no destiny, that can circumvent or hinder nor control the firm resolve of a determined soul. I am grateful for the experiences that I have been purposely given to show me the measure of my determined soul and it was worth every pain to have the most blessed prize of Maia Catherine-Hope Hunt and I believe it is no coincidence that her name means "Mother of Pure Hope "


So, that is what I wrote this time last year. Ever since Maia was born, I refer to her regularly as my tender mercy. She reminds me on a constant basis of the goodness and mercy of the Lord to me. She has strengthened my testimony that children come into their families for a specific reason and at a specific time. And my Maia has literally brought the meaning of her name in full force into our lives. My cup truly runneth over.

In the trenches

Today, I thought I was surviving the battle to only find myself weakened and found very lacking. I simply feel like I don't know what I am doing anymore. I am trying so hard only to find myself in a weaker state. I don't know what else to do. So, tomorrow morning, Kays is babysitting and I am off to the temple.

Activation Energy

Ok, I feel the need to just brainstorm my thoughts and feelings. So, we'll see any of this makes any sense. I've heard it said that a breakdown precedes a breakthru. Now I am not having a mental breakdown or what one might initially think of when you hear breakdown but there are major rumblings going on within. I feel the growing pains, I feel the need for greater light, less junk. I am particularly sick of all the junk. I am hungry, I am thirsty. I am tired, I am confused. I want to focus but feel like I have no time to do so. This reminds of me of a chemistry class (which I had to retake) in which my professor was explaining activation energy. It was a particular amount of energy to drive a chemical reaction/ a completion of making a chemical compound into fruition. And that is what I feel like is happening to me. Its time for me to grow more. Its time for me to increase but its gonna take some work, some serious acivation energy to bring this reaction to completion.

However, as J. Reuben Clark said, " The task ahead of us is never as great as the power behind us." So, I have to trust in that, remember that. I need to choose to be peaceful in that knowledge and not let any opposition cloud my focus. I do know who I am. I know where I am going. I know to whom I belong. I have a Savior and He knows me. He will never ever draw away from me. All I can do is do all I can to remain close to Him, to not offend my spirit nor the Spirit. I need to obey with exactness. I need to be still and do my part. A former good stake president of mine spoke words that continue to reverberate within me. He said, " Don't make choices that don't reflect who you really are." More than anything I do know who I am. I need to stand back and not get in my own way as a daughter of God. Being His daughter, makes me good. It makes me majestic, pure, humble and kind. It makes me powerful and always enough. It makes me compassionate. It allows me to be filled with charity, if I take upon myself that gift.

Ultimately, the truth is that the Lord knows the way because HE IS THE WAY. He is my only chance for successfully negotiating mortality. His atonement makes available all of the power, peace, light and strength to deal with life's challenges-those ranging from our on sins/mistakes to trials over which we have no control, but still feel pain.

Its time for me to study 1 Nephi 17. The account of Nephi building the ship and the Lord's preparing Lehi and his family for another part of their journey in the wilderness in prepartion for the promised land. And that needs to my focus for now, perhaps this is a time for me to sojourn in the wilderness so that when it is time for me to arrive at the promised land I will be ready, worthy and truly grateful for those blessings and promises.

LET ME SLEEP FOR SANITY'S SAKE!

It has happened. Olivia has discovered how to break her parents down most efficiently. Deprive them of sleep. She won't let me/us nap in the daytime and she won't let us sleep in the nighttime. She fusses about going to bed, tries to avoid napping in the day. She fits, she attempts to negotiate. She is going crazy because she isn't getting enough sleep and I can't efficiently think up a creative way to get her to sleep on such a fuzzy sleep deprived mind. I have never been sleep-deprived before this, in my whole short 3.75 yrs of parenthood. This is not fun.But trials are our greatest ally, right? I think I can, I think I can.

Laughingly though, last night Olivia woke when Sam and I were going to hit the sack early (10:30) to hopefully get some rest to deal with the nights un-festivities. She wouldn't go back to bed. So, Sam made her stand in the middle of the living room in one spot. She couldn't wasn't to move from the spot until she said she'd go to bed and miraculously she didn't move from the spot. Sam and I sat on the couch in front of her, ignoring her, while she fitted, hollered and tantrumed and gave one another massages with our magboy magnetic massager. Sam said that was his favorite form of punishment yet :)

I am considering video taping her with our new digital camera while she is throwing a fit and let her watch it, I wonder if that would deter her...yeah right.

Both girls are SUPPOSEDLY napping, I just put O back into her bed for the 4th time in the last hour. We'll see how long I get to nap before she wakes me. I give it 12 minutes. I am praying for an hour. Then, on to dinner prep and putting her to bed a whole hour earlier in hopes she will go to sleep earlier and get a good night's rest and not be so behaviorally challenging tomorrow. A mom can dream, right?

Champion bed maker of the world!

Olivia came into our room this morning and said, " I made my bed, Mommy!" I went in to discover a very well made bed, specifically for her age and that its a bunkbed and bunkbeds are hard to make! It is moments like these that make you realize that your children really are listening to you when you teach them things. In other Olivia news, she gave her 3rd talk in Primary on Sunday. She did a great job, she loves to give talks, scriptures and prayers. It was the first that Sam wrote and helped her with and they made a great team. He had her speak on how the Savior washed the disciples feet and how if we loving serve others, we will be happy.

And if it offend thee...

CUT IT OFF:) So, Olivia cut her hair several months ago, she gave herself a bang-like poof in the front of her head. Well, she also cut it in the back (her hair was up in a bun). So her cut made it long on the sides and short in the back, which really didn't look bad but it made for more tangles. So,about 2 weeks ago Sunday, I told Sam we should trim it so it was all one length. I had no idea it'd be so short! It was past her shoulder's. After church that Sunday, Olivia went into the bathroom to potty but was quiet too long, she had mentioned that she didn't want her hair short anymore...

Well, I went into the bathroom only to find her cutting her hair AGAIN. She cut a nice chunk off the sides. But it isn't too bad and is covered up by a headband. Anyway, that is my firstborn, Olivia the super hairdo curly Q.

Olivia and I

I figured I ought to post a picture of myself on my blog. This is one of me and my oldest daughter, Olivia. Its one of my favorite recent pictures of myself and it shows how long her hair was before we and then she cut it recently.

In the Beginning

This afternoon, I was walking down my hallway marveling at all the thoughts of my heart. This week has been a very full one. I am feeling my heart and mind swelling with many things to ponder over. There are thoughts to organize, impressions to understand and counsel to obey and apply so I may learn and grow; that my perspective may be clear and truth made manifest.

So, I begin my blog by explaining its title. It is me. I am Joy Who Supplants Bitterness. That is what my whole name, Latisha Jacqueline-Marie, means. As far as Enthusiasm goes, I found out yesterday at Education Week at BYU that enthusiasm means "God within". Always having been an enthusiastic person, I loved the meaning and realized, indeed, that my love of my Father in Heaven and my Savior Jesus Christ, is ultimately where my enthusiasm does comes from.

I am excited for this blog, for everything I will be able to record about my feelings, experiences and memories. And so it begins...