Maybe it is supposed to be that way

This thought came to me as I was falling asleep last night. I have found myself overwhelmed by life lately. The changes in our life recently have sent me into a tailspin of emotions--but regardless of these challenges, I have a great life. I need to focus on that. I need to be more gentle with the expectations I have for myself. I need to take a step back from being serious, responsible, trying so hard and let life be. I think somewhere along the way I got an idea that if life was supposed to be a certain way. There is always growth and there will always be learning but life with young children, as I know it, won't change. There will always be tantrums but there will also be giggles, quick smiles and twirling girls in my kitchen. Life with my husband, with our paces being so opposite, is never going change. However, as long as we enjoy our favorite things about one another, the things that drive us nuts about one another are thrown back into a healthy balance.

Life is like yoga, life is like being in labor. There are moments when you feel like you are being pushed to a point and you feel like you can't do it any longer but then you get past those moments and you marvel at your capacity to do things you previously thought you couldn't. Many times it is about balancing your power and surrendering to a power greater than your own. The more you practice yoga, the better and stronger you become at it. There are times that certain poses that cause peace and well-being to ripple over your soul like soothing, warm water. There are times when it is all you can do to maintain a pose much less have a inner peace and focus. Sometimes you lose balance, fall on your face--leaving a sweaty mark on the mat--- while you try not to look like an clumsy novice in the middle of the crowded class. Sometimes when you fall, you cause others to do the same. But, at the same time, sometimes the whole class is so focused and in sync that you all hold one another steady simply by flowing together. If that isn't like life, I don't know what is!

I am so grateful for that higher power--for my Savior, Jesus Christ. I can't imagine not knowing that He loves me and that, with Him, I can do anything and everything He has for me to do in this life. I am discovering that when it comes to life, it is all perspective. I think back to my several experiences while in labor with my daughters. There were times that the contractions were intense and powerful but completely empowering, there were times they pushed me past a bearable threshold, there were times that they were easy, peaceful and even revitalizing. I loved it. Then I wanted it to stop. Then I could completely handle it. It was perspective, it was how I chose to react to the forces in my body.

So now I have these lovely and handsome forces all around me. How do I choose to react to them? How do I daily prepare myself to perceive and interact with them? I don't pretend to know all the answers. Heaven only knows that I am a completely caught in the headlights of my good, yet stretching, life experience. All I know is that I can't do it without the help of the Lord and I need to stop attempting to go on with my earthly stewardships without direct, daily, consistent, early morning interaction with my Heavenly Father. I am not completely remiss in this practice but the consistency part has been my particular weakness lately. In our old house, I had a space set up that I would go for my morning devotional--my spirit craved it and it made it easy. I need to find a cozy spot in this house so I can nurture this practice. Life won't change per say, my girls will still be tempted to sass when I tell them that they can't have anymore candy (heaven knows I have a whole lot of sassing left to endure), my good husband will likely never jump for joy when I ask him to help me clean but if I just expect it; if I realize that maybe it is supposed to be this way and remember that it is my reaction to these things that makes all the difference...

There are 15 days left in this year...let's see if I can finish out this year how I want to begin the next one.

Don't Gimme Any Sugar

I am going public with this goal to keep me on track. If you have known me since Olivia was born you might be familiar with my odd eating habits. The fact that I periodically eat virtually no refined sugar is likely no news to you. I lost 23lbs after Olivia was born because of that habit. Some of my friends thought I was crazy but I didn't care, I looked really good 18 mos after I had Olivia. My mom even told me that I was almost too skinny, I sure do miss those water aerobics and weight lifting classes at BYU. Ah those were the days.

The no eating sugar thing started when a co-worker told me if I didn't eat sugar I would lose the desire for it. I love a challenge. I tried it out and it was true. I got really good at it too. Chocolate chip cookies, cheesecake and all those yummy little treats lost their allure. Then I learned how to cook using honey, then splenda, then not splenda, then sucanat, stevia, brown rice syrup, powdered evaporated cane juice and so forth. I found ice cream that I like that doesn't have any refined sugar, I found dark chocolate chips without sugar--there isn't much more than this girl can ask for. I know what snacks I can buy and eat and when I am off sugar my body craves all the good stuff anyway. It has been a journey, one that started when I was pregnant with Olivia and one that continues to this day--6 yrs later.

At this point, I am pretty good at not cooking with sugar because I learned how to cook using whole, unrefined sweeteners that don't spike your blood sugar and give you the same side effects that white and brown sugar do. When I am "on' sugar I tend to be cranky, have mood swings, am generally irritable b/c my blood sugar goes up and down because I am on the insulin/sugar treadmill all day and crave sugary foods that aren't good for me. The other main reason for not eating the sugar is that when you eat "clean" it allows you to lose weight and tone up alot easier, particularly in your midsection. All in all you just feel good. So I am feeling like jumping on that sugar free wagon again. Of course, this is the worst time of the year to do that--in a way. However, I can always choose cheat days on special occasions (moderation in all things)--the good thing is that when you are not eating sugar and then you do, your body's response to the sugar limits portion size. At least it does for me, it just makes me sick to my stomach and get a headache after 3 bites. But since I can cook, I can make my own treats with the unrefined, whole food sweeteners when I really want something.

SO, I feel like shaking life up a bit and creating favorite old habits from yester...months to this new house. The more oldie but goodie routines and practices I do here, the more it feels like home. So tomorrow is Day 1 and since I really want to stick with it and not be lazy, I am blogging it. Nothing like confiding to the world that you aren't eating sugar for a while to keep you honest and moving forward. Feel free to mock me or wish me luck. ;)

Hairless

Maia, my lion maned daughter, has cut her hair. I was trying so hard to not get mad that I am sure I didn't get a good picture. I am too tense at the moment to post pictures. I am just decompressing on the computer while Sam tries to even out the mess. In some places it is only an inch or two long. In other places--like the opposite side of her head-- it is 6-7 inches long. This is going to be some reveal. Well, there is nothing like a "New You Hairdo" as Max and Ruby says. Needless to say, Maia will not be wearing her hair down for a long while. On the positive side, we did take our family pictures last weekend. So that is good. I feel calmer now. Now I get to go play with it and see what we can do with it for the next several months. I heard a quote from a kid that said," Never let your mom do your hair while she is mad." Maia is lucky I blogged out my frustration before I attempted her hair. Pictures coming soon.

Until the pictures arrive--just think of Maia with a Jackson Five curly fro or an Annie hairdo. The kid is dang lucky she is so adorable. I love three year olds, I love three year olds, I love three year olds....

One Year Old Cupcake

Ok, Michaela is like heroin to me. She is like good food you just can't stop eating. I am so thankful for her and her presence in our family. Today she is one and I just want to hold her forever. I nursed her to sleep last night--this never happens. She hasn't nursed to sleep since she was probably 6 mos old. I just held her sweet little sleeping body for a long time after that. This year has zoomed by.

This time last year I was sitting in my midwife's office and she said," Let's have a baby tonight, ok?" I was surprised at her request since it was 5 days BEFORE my due date and I have always had my babies 7 days AFTER my due date. I was even more surprised to have regular contractions in Walmart 1.5 hr later. The kind of contractions that make you want the world around you to be quiet and stay out of your way. Olivia would ask me if I was having "birthing waves" and if I said yes, she'd say,"Ok, I will be quiet." She asked if Michaela was coming. I told her I didn't think so. I still didn't think it was labor when my doula arrived at my house 3 hours later. I kept saying," This isn't labor, it is too easy" or "I am not having a baby today"--both Sam and Katie told me I was. I wasn't convinced 3 hrs after that until I felt a shift in energy in my contractions. I told Katie to call for Suzanne my midwife but I was sure I would only be 4 cm dilated. Imagine my SHOCK when she checked me and announced I was FULLY dilated.

Michaela has been the sweetest, most scrumptious baby since. We held her ALL.THE.TIME. because she had some extra mucous in her airways and we were beyond paranoid that she would suffocate. I swear we held her for 4 weeks straight after she was born--and I am so glad we did. I can never say I didn't hold her enough--though I would love to go back to that stage and hold her even more.

Now she is one and still my baby. I am convinced she is holding off full blown walking to appease my baby hunger. She CAN do it, she just doesn't want to. She is my "fattest" baby. I have never had a child fit 12 mos clothes on their birthday. Maia wore a 0-3 mos old outfit on her birthday, in fact. Anyway, my baby is one and I couldn't be more addicted to her. A part of her middle name is Naomi which means "Pleasant". I did that on purpose because that is an attribute that I wished for her and since kids are what we call them I went for it. She is truly SO pleasant. Oh Yum..the kid is like the most perfect cupcake you've ever had--incredibly delectable, deliciously beautiful and leaves you wanting more. I am wondering if God has given her me to ensure that I have more children. I hope there isn't a wild one waiting in the wings for me. For now--I'll enjoy my pleasant, delicious little cupcake. How lucky am I? I get to have my cake and eat it too. Bliss I tell ya, BLISS.

Misty Potty Colored Memories

I'd like to express how pleased I am with myself that I survived last week. I have always dubbed myself as a potty training wimp/lazy potty trainer, but I did it. I wanted to quit but my friends told me "NO!! Don't do it! You'll be so happy this time next week if you stick with it."

Bless you my brilliant, encouraging friends!!! ((HUGS))

Maia has made it dry through every trip to the store( which totals 3), trick or treating, 3 hrs of church and is 48 hrs free of an accident. Her "pullups" (we just attach the sides of a diaper up and draw a princess on the front and tell her not to pee pee on Cinderella) are still somewhat wet in the morning but she is getting the hang of it. I can't believe it. Woo Hoo! And I did it with her!

She has LOVED the attention. I think being the middle child in the midst of a move, her older sister starting Kindergarten, her baby sister needing more attention at times and not having our preschool co-op anymore has been alot for her. I have enjoyed the time to reconnect with her myself. She thought picking out her own panties was a blast. She is so pleased when she tells me she has to go and I go cheerleader frantic on her. She must think I am pretty crazy. All my jumping up and down and yelling "Woo Hoo!" over and over again is good exercise. I even made up some pretty fun chants that we all just can't get out of our heads. Even Olivia broke out into the most popular one "Look at that girl! Wearing her fancy panties!" as we were buckling up in the van this afternoon on our way to Kindergarten.

I feel like I have earned a mommy merit badge that I didn't have previously. Sam was particularly key in Olivia's potty training so I don't take any credit with her. I can potty train a kid--who knew? WOO HOO! WOO HOO! WOO HOO!

Sweet Six on Halloween

Oh my first little baby is a little girl. A beautiful one with an energetic, tender heart. Her spirit is so good and sincere. She is loyal. She is smart. She hungers after knowledge. She is fireworks. She is the most thirst quenching babbling brook. Her mind is sound and incredibly curious. She is creative. She is kind. She is the baby for whom I labored 36.5 hrs with. She is my Olivia.

I told Olivia that six year olds are especially sweet. Is that manipulative of me? Possibly. But she is really buying into only one day into it. Today she commented that she knows six year old are sweet and so she'd do her best to be so. She is my Halloween baby that girl and as busy as a Halloween birthdays can be. I love it and so does she.

Here are some pictures from Halloween. Olivia was Belle, Maia was Aurora, Michaela was a lamb, Sam was dressed in my dad's old funky pants from the 70's and an equally 70's leather jacket and a wacky tie the girls made him for Father's day and I was a flower.

I couldn't resist posting this picture. I love that huge smile on her face.Spooky Trick or Treating LightingI thought for sure that the girls would be afraid of this scary dude holding the candy bowl. I was so thrilled to get this shot. Maia's face was adorable and her reaction most decidedly unexpected.Pinata Hitting LineupBeat down that pinata.
Take that! Just give me the candy!Dainty striker.What the cakes looked like. Olivia's had a gigantic 6 candle behind the candy heart.

More

What if I am doing it wrong? Being a mother, I mean. I think of all the things I spend my time on. Do I spend my time in the right places? What if what I am doing is not the best that I could be doing? I've been thinking alot about how I spend my time during the day. A dear friend of mine has a quote on her blog that says "How we spend our days is how we spend our lives".

Now I am the type of person that tries awfully hard. I tend to expect a great deal and hold my self to a high standard. Not to be better than anyone else in any way, but to be my very best self. To fulfill the purpose of my life thru being as humanly present in my life's experience. I don't expect perfection but I do expect my best. I don't feel out of balance in any major way so much as I feel like it is time for more. But in what way is my more? I am searching, pondering and praying for more perspective and thoughts on this.

The move has been crazy but good but as we begin to form a new rhythm of life I am realizing the timing of this move was divinely significant for my growth as a woman and as a mother. I think this is the reason for the inner rumblings of stress, uncertainty, questioning and, in some degree, even wrestling. This is a growth spurt--I only have to figure out how and what the Lord wants for me and how to proceed. As I sit here, I am feel that one of the best steps to finding guidance and answers is to go to the temple. As members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints we are blessed with the opportunity to attend the temple. A sacred and holy place where we go to find respite from the world, peace, comfort, instruction and inspiration from the Lord.

Here we are in a new place--a good place, a new city, a new home with new neighbors and my favorite temple is now "my" temple--the closest temple to me. It is time for us to be personally acquainted. I feel so blessed and I want to do the best that I can. I don't want to waste time on things that are not needful. I hunger after the "better part"--the very best part. I don't want more, I want to be more. There is a song called "More" and the lyrics encourage more from my searching soul, they inspire faith--which implies action, they embolden the shy or reserved fibers of my being and put music to the desires of my heart.

More Steady, More Sure, More trusting, More Pure
Some say it doesn't matter
More trained and more aware
More aim to get me there
I climb this far, You raise the bar
You want my heart

More fierce desire to stand against the wind
More blazing fire when darkness closes in
More love inspired change within
So there's more and more of me to give

More words to learn and know
More etched upon my soul
Some say it doesn't matter

More tried, more true
Less me and much more you
I stretch this tall
You sound the call
You want my all

More fierce desire to stand against the wind
More blazing fire when darkness closes in
More love inspired change within
You keep reaching out
You're calling out to me

For more strengthened shoulders
To face the war with sin
More wise and bolder
To save the souls of men
A more faithful soldier to the end
You want more and more of me to give

More and more of me to give
More love
More light
More purpose
More serve with all might
I need more hope, more faith, more patience
Each day I prayer for more

More and more of me to give
More fire
More zeal
More spirit to know what's real
More courage, More joy
More, more and more of me to give
More grateful, more true
More humble to trust in you

You call- I hear
I walk the path that's set in stone
My heart is fixed on getting home
What on earth could ever matter more?

These are alot of words but they remind to hold on, to do my very best, to seek and remind me that I will find. They cause me to be true to the good desires of my true heart. They bring to the surface the knowledge that I am loved, that I am enough--as we all are-- that I will be made enough and that the best is yet to be.

On the same dear's friend blog there is another quote that says,"

"We should begin by recognizing the reality that just because something is good is not a sufficient reason for doing it. The number of good things we can do far exceeds the time available to accomplish them. Some things are better than good, and these are the things that should command priority attention in our lives."

--Elder Dallin H. Oaks

I think that after I get off my knees after praying for guidance, I need to break out my paper journal(indeed I do have one of those too), determine what those best things are. Then, identify what keeps me from them, how I can disengage from the things that aren't my priorities and create a plan on how I can engage in the best things in my life and pour myself into them.
Well, here goes.

Like a Lamb to the Slaughter

Better said, it would be like a mom to the slaughter. If you know me well at all, you know that I am not a fan of potty training. I don't push the kid, I just wait until they want to do it. I go along with their interests so long as it lasts and when they pull back and it becomes more of a struggle I pull back and wait for their cue. Maia cued me on Monday. She had a perfect day. I was so cautiously thrilled. But I wasn't expecting a perfect day on Tuesday. She had 3 accidents, all 3 times she wet or messed herself while wearing clothes and underwear. So it was very minimal mess. No big deal, I was expecting this. She apologized, I said it was fine, encouraged her and cleaned up.

This morning, she gets dressed, she decides to go commando under her shorts which is fine by me--it is a favorite potty training method of mine anyway. She goes potty just great and then about 15 min later, I am finishing Olivia's hair and I see that Maia has changed shorts. I go into the living room. I see water all over the floor and the baby with wet hands and knees. I, unwittingly, asked Maia where she got the water from and why she poured it on the floor...and then something clicks. Remember that scene from Disney's Tarzan where the elephant looks at the watering hole and says, " Is this water sanitary? It looks questionable to me!" Bells began to ring in my head.

I ask Maia what that is, she confesses uses the hardwood floor as a lavatory. Oy. This where the frustration steps in. After losing my temper, cleaning up the baby and wasting a perfectly good, but useless, lecture on a 3 yr old, I calm down, apologize for losing my temper and have her help me mop it up. We have a little motivating talk and raise morale. Things settle down. It isn't even 9am yet. Oy vey. Heaven grant me wisdom, calm and a great potty cheerleading attitude today. Although, I am thoroughly convinced that Maia lead me into potty training under false pretenses, I think this is it. I think if I stick with her over the next week she will get it down and get used to the world without diapers. Again, I pray for a merciful, encouraging attitude and a cooperative, motivated child.

On a good note, as I was down here writing and clearing my system via writing the girls came down and said, we have something important to show you! I went upstairs, they escorted me into the kitchen and with a enthusiastic TA DA! they show me that they unloaded the dishwasher! Olivia's daily stewardship is unloading the utensils from the dishwasher and put them away. This time both girls took everything out of the dishwasher and stacked them neatly on the counter for me. They were so pleased and proud of themselves and rightly so, they did an awesome job. I now close this post with one other happy announcement--Maia just used the potty. Woo Hoo! Perhaps I am not being lead like a lamb to the slaughter after all--this mother can only hope.

Fancy in Panties

At least that is what we are working on. This is a secret, I wouldn't want to jinx us. So shhhhh!!

My Maia has peed and just now POOPED in the potty ALL DAY LONG. She was naked under her princess dress until about 2 hrs ago until she said she wanted panties. She now has her fancy dora mermaid panties on. She has gone every single time on her own accord and initiative. We were even outside and she came in on her own. The poop she did in the middle of watching dora with panties AND a skirt on. Whenever I reminded her she'd just say "no thanks, mom." she says she is all fancy with her painted nails, toes, necklace, bracelet and fancy frilling edging on her panties.

Feel free to pray that my girly continues with this desire to wear big girl panties. She was just rewarded with some candy and if she stays dry all day we are having a ice cream sundae party. So far so good! Either way, this is progress! *seriousmommycrossingfingersaction*

New House

Our family has moved! Sam and I closed on our first home just 3 weeks ago. We moved 45 minutes closer to Sam's work and we are very happy he doesn't have to commute to work any longer. The neighborhood is great, the neighbors and our church members have been very warm and welcoming. We love the cul de sac that we live on. It is very kid friendly and quiet--well it was until our energetic girls arrived but the neighbors say they are happy to have kids on the circle again. Olivia is enjoying her new school, she says her new teacher, Miss Hardy, is very good and nice but that she still misses her first Kindergarten teacher, Miss Werner. She has made a new friend who is in the same Kindergarten class. We are very, very grateful for that. She lives just around the corner and they get along swimmingly. We are busy doing some fun things to the yard and flower beds. Sam is a regular Paul Bunyon, he has cut down TWO whole trees on our property. I guess that makes me his Babe, huh? He has now declared that he needs a chainsaw--guess I know what I should start window shopping for his birthday, Christmas and/or Father's Day.

Here are some pictures that our realtor took of our family in the house just before we closed.

One of Michaela because I have been remiss in posting pictures of her.


And at the end, Olivia and Maia made themselves at home my playing in the mud in the carport. My girls sure do love the mud. I think I need to do a history of mud in pictures when it comes to them. At least they won't be able to say that I never let them get dirty when they are grown.

Today and Tomorrow

Today was a emotional sort of patchy day. I wasn't the best kind of mom or wife. I tried. There were good moments. I did tell the kids the story of Christopher Columbus at the dinner table and I shined in that motherly moment, if I do say so myself. I gave them my heart and my enthusiasm in those moments. I forgot that there were boxes to be unpacked and dinner dishes to wash. It didn't matter that I was 4 minutes late to pick up my Kindergartener when I read her that story at bed. Somehow the day ended better as I cuddled with my handsome husband on the couch and watched "Good Eats". The shutters arrived today and Sam did do a great job at putting them up. It was almost surreal to stay up after everyone else was asleep and soak in the quiet I was desperate for just 5 hrs ago. Who knew I wanted to pull the hair from my head at certain moments as I let loose and danced to the song "Footloose" in the dark family room in the glow of the computer and TV.

Tomorrow, I will try very hard to not care that I have a literal mountain of laundry lurking in the bottom of the linen closet and I will smile and play with my children. Today, I kissed Olivia's cheek as I buttoned up her coat and sent her running off to Kindergarten late and the tender softness of her cheek was soothing to my somewhat stressed lips and soul. Tonight, she was radiant in her Little Einsteins pjs as I told her how lovely she was and her honey eyes just sparkled at me and in that moment she forgot that I lost my patience with her for asking me her millions of endless questions. Tomorrow, I will turn the music on in the morning and dance with my little princesses. We will roll on the floor together and play "Break the Ice", we'll practice walking with Michaela. Today, that yummy baby is 11 mos old. Somehow I am sure I will likely feel like pulling my hair out tomorrow but I will remember this day only happens once and I will try harder to keep my voice kind and my daughters just might do the same in return.

Tomorrow maybe Maia will poop on the potty. Tomorrow maybe I will go to bed with a clean kitchen at my back. Tonight, I will not. But I will remember to smile at my dirty kitchen and be glad that I have one of my own for the first time ever in my life. Tomorrow maybe I will wake up just early enough to honor my body and do some pilates after I honor my spirit by reading my scriptures. Today was hard and tomorrow will require plenty of work and energy but tomorrow I will be more joyful as I do it because today I am deciding to do so.

Way Up High In The Apple Tree

Two little apples smiled down at me
I shook the tree
As hard as I could
And down came the apples
Mmm! Mmm! They were good

So we have an apple tree in our backyard. I thought they were crab apples but apparently they aren't. Or if they are--they make the yummiest fresh apple juice I have EVER had. This morning, Olivia came up to Sam and I and asked if she could have an apple. We didn't have any. Peaches, grapes, pineapple, pears--yes...but no apples. Sam suggested we go outside and try the ones on the tree. Thus began our morning adventure. How fun to see Sam and the girls pick apples! Sam would shake a branch and the girls would run to pick them up and put them in their cute little baskets. We gathered about two gallons worth of apples. Sam broke out the apple peeler, corer, slicer--I love you, Pampered Chef! An hour later, we had 9 racks of those apples drying out in our dehydrator, 1.5 qt of applesauce (homemade applesauce on toast is so good--I love it even more on peanut butter toast), apples for a apple cobbler and three-quarters of a pitcher of apple juice.

Watch out, Jack LaLanne! If your home juiced apples taste this good, I now know why people buy your juicer! (Ours is a Nutri Source.) It is SOO good. It tastes like apple lemonade to me. The juice itself is so clear. Most of the fresh apple juice I have had in the past was very frothy but this wasn't at all. Sam's mom gave us the juicer we have now and he says this one was likely made to make good, non frothy apple and carrot juice. In addition to that, I think it must have something to do with the kind of apple. These apples were green blushed with red flavored with just enough sweet too temper the tart. All I have to say is that I love my mother in law because that stuff is dang good. So good that I climbed the apple tree to get some more apples--they filled a 4 gallon bucket just shy of half full. Ah the goodness of nature.

September's List

It is 9:25 pm. My children and husband are asleep. My world is INCREDIBLY peaceful. Noone needs my immediate love or attention. I can just sit, reflect and learn. I was reading the blogs of two friends, Jessica and Alissa. Two of their entries put me in a very reflective mode. We all have things we love right? Things that make our souls sing, that fill our hearts with humble pride as we develop skills and focus our energy on the right things. Having a daughter in Kindergarten has made me feel an urgency of how quickly days slip thru our fingers and how important it is to do the very best things that I can--things of both a recreative, leisure nature and things in a productive, wise realm as well.

Alissa's posted about the things she wants to remember about her children and recounted some of her tender experiences with them. It made me tear up because I can hardly stand to think what I might have forgotten about the yummy moments of life with children--the moments when it was just Olivia and I, the moments a year ago when Maia was our baby and the moments last month when Michaela had less hair. Just yesterday I was sitting on the floor by a bookshelf and found a calendar from Maia's first year of life. You see, she doesn't have a baby book. I just wrote down the random funny moments and tiny milestones of her life--not everything by any means, but it is a darling glimpse at the moments of the past. It's time for me to pick up a cute composition notebook at Walmart and more regularly keep record of those funny sayings and misty watercolor memories.

Jessica posted about food storage. Oh my love--do I love food storage. It is a passion passed down to me from my mother, one that was key in her interest in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, when the missionaries knocked on her door. Jessica has a to die for lovely heaven haven of food storage in her basement. I am wishing for a place to store my food storage like unto hers when we buy a home. My almost year's supply is stored under beds, in closets, and in kitchen cabinets. This next week, I am going to organize more prettily my main food storage closet.

Also, I am going to go at the holes in my food storage and emergency preparedness items more fully. The areas I need to complete are water and toiletries. The main area I need to seriously begin is alternative heat and cooking sources in case we have no electricty. This month is also the month of caselot sales here in Utah. The two stores where I do my caselot are having their sales 2 weeks long back to back. I have already been to this week's caselot sale. I can't wait for next week and the week after that and the week after that--that is where most of this month's grocery money is going.

This year, I plan/desire to expand my canning abilities. I know how to can peaches, but this year I want to can pears and homemade applesauce. I can't wait to see how this fall ends up.

So that is September's list.
1)Get a composition book and write down the cute kid comments (or what will be considered cute in the future) and the fun memories/experiences we make. Nothing fancy--just take a minute each day or so and jot favorites.

2a)Organize the food/water storage--fill in holes. Have fun shopping!
2b) Begin research/saving so we can get our alternative heat and cooking sources in order.
2c) Can/Dehydrate Peaches

September's Project Wish List
--Read the manual to my digital SLR.
--Sew a skirt
--Brutally get rid of clothes (again) that don't love, fit, are no longer in style or that I haven't worn in forever.
--Cull children's books--this could be painful but I don't need a thousand books right? We only read about 20 regulars anyway. If I wimp out, I will just get rid of old toys when my girls are at school, preschool and napping. With 3 fall birthdays and Christmas all in a row, I am sure DI (a local Goodwill like store) would like my donations.

I'll stop there. There is always October :) Thank you for the inspiration, Jessica and Alissa!

Not two, but three

Coming Soon..a report on Maia's third birthday.

I sure wish I could find my transfer cord for my camera. I am bushed. This report could take days. Whenever we ask Maia how old she is--she says "TWO" or "ELEVEN!" Last year, she'd say, "THREE!" At least, I know how old she is. ;)

Kindergarten Time

I have done it. I have sent my first born child to Kindergarten. I have to say that while it was pretty thrilling that this day has come--it was surprisingly anticlimatic. No tears from either one of us, no heartpounding moments of separation, no backward glances other than snapping a photo in my retreat--just a "I love you, Olivia! I will back to get you at 11:15!" I don't think we even hugged, she was too distracted trying to pick a table where she wanted to sit.

I will come back with her report of the day later on but I can't believe I have a kid in Kindergarten and at the same time it feels just like another day. First grade--if we choose not to homeschool that year--will be a bigger change since it will be all day. At this point, Kindergarten feels like preschool--just less than 3 hrs of learning and peer interaction for her and just less than 3 hrs of me trying to get some morning one on one time with Maia, Michaela napped and errands/morning chores done. ANYWAY--you don't care about what I do while she is away at school do you? You just want to see pictures, right? Be forewarned--Olivia really doesn't like to take pictures. She wasn't that cooperative so my photography is snapshotty at best. But we have the morning recorded in digital immortality nonetheless.

Behold, The Kindergartner

She actually smiled AT the camera--Woo Hoo!
Yes, Mom, I can read your mind--I know I should get some windex on the glass door behind her ;) *giggle*

Walking to her class

Independently opening that door--Baby!

Seated at the table with her new friend, Jenna.

The Path of Tender Mercies

Today I am happy.
Yesterday I was not.
I am learning more often than ever
The days of a mother are sometimes like that.
The girls were all crazy
And I was definitely all caught up in a tether.
I was literally feeling selfish, not wanting to serve and ill
I wanted the day the recover ALONE and on my own
But then the heavens parted and I was reminded that the Lord's tender merciful hand is, for me-- stretched out still.

I am not a poet but I felt a whack at it was in order. A very favorite person and dear friend of mine was a manifestation of the Lord's tender mercy to me this morning. After going visiting teaching we talked and visited like we always do. However, the fact of the matter was that as the day began I was hoping to not go visiting teaching. I put it to the back of my mind. My monday as a mother was a tiresome, somewhat manic one. We survived but it was discouraging to my maternal soul. My visiting teaching companion called to remind me that we had an appt.

Ok, now let me tell you quickly about this woman. She has six small children, 5 girls and a boy--ages 8 and under. I love to be around her. Her laugh is infectious and though it sounds corny, it buoys my heart to a place of contentment to see her do so. Talking to her about our roles and challenges as mothers makes me remember truths about motherhood that any evil force against this stewardship would have me forget. It is not necessarily about the absence of yelling or any other natural man tendencies we strive to overcome as parents but it is the presence of truth and purpose we bring to our homes and families.

This woman is just like all of us-sometimes she feels like yelling, pulling her hair out and run to the hills when the pressure of raising children gets too much BUT in the midst of it all--she uses the energy she has to purposely teaching her children good principles, the true gospel of Jesus Christ and sharing her love of the blessings in the world with them. AND she laughs--she laughs till she is tears. She experiences the joy that is her (as it is for all of us) purpose to experience in this life. I needed that this morning. I am sure glad the Lord was watching out for me and put Tara in my path to remind me of that when I wanted nothing more than to cross paths with noone today.

Oh and guess what? Today we are smiling and laughing. We are happy.

But behold, I, Nephi, will show unto you that the tender ^cmercies of the Lord are over all those whom he hath chosen, because of their faith, to make them mighty even unto the power of ^ddeliverance. (1 Nephi 1:20)

The Lord is good to all: and his tender mercies are over all his works (Psalms 154:9)

The Ancient Truth

There once was a brilliant and energetic little girl. She was a fast learner and she soaked in new experiences and knowledge. Sometimes she got frustrated when she didn't understand things right away but she remembered the special truth she held in her heart. It was an ancient truth. A truth learned by her sassy, stylish aunt in early childhood, passed down thru the 80s and 90s and into the new millenium from sister to mother to other siblings to her. The special truth was this.

"I am special as you can see
Because of my speciality
I can climb any mountain
I can swim any sea
'Cause I am special.

I am special as you can see
Because of my speciality
If I set my mind to it
I know I can do it
Because I AM SPECIAL!"

This reassuring truth assisted her thru many of her learning quests. It was there for her as she attempted her first button. It comforted her as she learned to push and balance herself on her scooter. It was there for her as she screwed her courage to the sticking point and braved the backyard where dreaded bumblebees and the beloved swingset resided. It bolstered her courage as she waved goodbye to her mom and walked to the edge of the pool for her first ever swimming lessons. Her mother had her repeat it over and over again to herself whenever her confidence waivered. Sometimes the girl loved this and other times it plain ticked her off and sent her further into waves of tumultuous woedom. The truth had obviously begun to take root and sprout when the growing girl decided that it was time for her to ride her bike on her own without training wheels after bike riding tutorials bestowed upon her by her loving father. She didn't need to say it out loud that day. She simply made a decision and did it. Success was the outcome. Today, that truth began to blossom when that lovely flower of girl put on her new tennis shoes. Shoes with laces--not velcro closures. Her gentle father sat down with her to teach her. The girl promptly showed her parents that she could do the first step. Make an "X", put one string thru the X's legs and pull tight. Her father reminded her of the next step. Our noble little girl watched. She repeated her father's actions and you know what? She tied her shoes all by herself. And then, she did the other one. All by herself.

As her mother, I wonder how this precious little truth assisted her confidence as she progressed passed another childhood milestone. I like to think that it positively influenced her. Mostly I just can't believe that my baby can READ, tie her shoes, ride her bike and begins Kindergarten NEXT WEEK. How in the world has life gone by so quickly? Only heaven knows. But we do know for sure that no matter what--we can climb any mountains, we can swim any sea because we are special!

Pictures coming as soon as I can find the blasted transfer cord. ;)

It is green but it is not "GREEN"

Comet, I mean. Dang that stuff works brilliantly!! I remember scrubbing the kids' bathroom with it growing up. I asked Sam to pick some up for me while he was at Costco. Thinking it'd be a HUGE two can pack for a buck or two. Well, it is a SIX pack of the largest tallest cans I have ever seen. So I have been using it all over the place and DUDE--my bathroom tubs, toilets, sinks and kitchen sink are SO shiny. AND they stay shiny in between cleanings.

I feel somewhat guilty for using it since I do like to use products that are organic and good for the earth but I will admit that all the baking soda and vinegar, Green Works and Simple Green haven't made my bathtub this sparkly before. I wonder if AJAX is more environmentally sound. Until then--I have 5.5 cans of Comet to use. Sorry Mother Earth, I sure did try.

Feel the Burn, Mommy!

I'm feeling the burn--that's right. I've been working hard and I can feel the fatigue deep in my mommy muscles. So when you are feeling like you can't do one more lunge, tricep press or leg lift--what do you do? You breathe. You take in a good, replenishing breath of air so you can finish your reps. You allow that muscle to go numb and YOU DON'T STOP. Muscles become stronger when you push them to failure. A few years ago right before I got pregnant with Maia, I was taking a weight lifting class. I had been taking the class for a couple years. This new teacher challenged us to lift more weight and to go to utter failure--to perform rep after rep until we could no longer do any more with good form and that muscle group was healthfully done in. You know what happened? I had some dang good looking muscles. I was strong, confident and capable. I felt it and it translated into my life. So you may think I am again alluding to my current quest to getting back into shape after giving birth just 9 months ago--but I am not. It's all about motherhood. Being a mother to three has pushed me to failure as I am exercise these new matriarchal muscles I didn't know existed.

I am finding that in my search to create a nourishing, orderly and peaceful environment in my home that I am forced to oppose the alter egos of these goals. The alter ego of nourishment is emptiness and fluff. Nourishment takes purpose and effort--not hours of effort but it requires focus attention and purpose if even for a short five minutes. I often wonder how much time I spend on fluff--a seemingly beautiful and tempting something that has no real meaning, substance or sustenance. I need to remember that as I feel tired and want to reach for a cookie--instead of a well balanced snack that will take 2 minutes more to prepare and one that will fill me. It also means reaching for my scriptures to ponder over instead of sitting on the computer for wasteful and distractory periods of time.

The opposite of order is, of course, chaos. Not to be confused with movement and energy. A home with small children is full of motion, EMOTION (my home especially) and a great deal of vitality. Will I ever be able to find matching socks? Maybe not all the time but this is what cute sparkly sandals and furry snowboots will conceal for me, right? But creating order is a journey, it is a process--my children will eventually put their clothes away (and not on the floor) at least 60% of the time if I stick with the long process of teaching and reminding them--right? I just need not let any of my restless or negative emotions about this repetitive chore of my stewardship add chaos to my experience. I also should stop and remember that a toys on the floor isn't chaos--is it a chance to teach, serve or.... declutter. All of which add to order--not take away from.

Peace. Be still my sweet soul, there is peace to be had. I have a decorative tile that says, "When you find peace within yourself, you become the kind of person who can live at peace with others."
Amen to this. My peace is found with being gratefully ok with the challenging blessings I have. My children and my opportunity to stay at home and rear them is hard work. My motherly muscles get weary and get pushed to failure more times that I wish they would but all of that means that I am getting stronger and I need to allow myself to take on the strength that comes with that. My peace is found in knowing that the Lord always helps me when I ask and many times when I don't. If I am willing to be ok with me, as a daughter of God with incredible potential, who can do all things thru Christ who strengtheneth me--there will be peace. Peace in the midst of tantrums, sasses, smiles and giggles--peace in knowing I can pick up the mess and bring myself peace that way. Or peace in knowing I can just step over the mess and do something that will energize and reboot my fatigued (but tightening) mommy muscles like a deep cleansing breath would in a weight lifting class.

I definitely don't have the answers but putting my perspective in writing helps me figure out what areas I can focus on and it helps me see that even though I may be tired, I am really ok. You know that feeling of peace and satisfaction that comes after a hard workout? How proud you feel of yourself that you did it? That you can do much more than you think? How proud you feel of your body and spirit for carrying you thru a challenge--to know that you survive the burn. Well, thus is my experience in motherhood anyway--feel the burn, mommy--don't resist it or fight it. If we push thru and finish the very repetitious weight lifting of motherhood--we'll be proud to realize that we are made out of some pretty stern stuff and we'll have some pretty ripped hot momma muscles to boot.

For me, I am realizing it is time for me to expect the burn, to push thru it, to take time to breathe and replenish my maternal muscles REGULARLY and to be proud of myself after each mommy training session with my girls that pushes me to my limit. And how comforting it is to know that going to failure in this sense is only making me stronger--it is progress, endurance and capability brought on by pressure, resistance and weight. It isn't failure at all.

Dazzling Day

Fourth of July reminds me of glorious childhood at its best. Splashing in the pool with my cousins all day, eating Pa Pa's famous homemade vanilla ice cream and barbecue ribs. There was the time we had a crawfish boil, in addition to that mouth watering bbq, and observing those poor crawdads crawling out of their styrofoam prison trying to pardon themselves from being boiled alive in Zataran's Crawfish Boil was unforgettable. I remember cuddling securely in the lap of a favorite family friend, Kathy, all wet and tanned to dark chocolate perfection while watching fireworks rain down on us. The sounds of my family singing our firework song while my father and uncles set off the firecrackers in the street will forever shoot tearful feelings of elation and wonder into my soul at the memory.



Now I am 30, happily married to an incredible man, with 3 beautiful daughters and the beloved family of my childhood live 3 states away but I never cease to be excited about 4th of July. For the second year in a row, Sam and I have continued to create dazzling memories of this blessed holiday with our children. We had a Family Home Evening earlier in the week about patriotism and we learned about the flag and its history and importance. It is fun to hear Olivia call the flag by many of it's nicknames every time we see one and to hear Maia sing "You're a Grande Ole Flag" complete with the hand gestures we created.

On the day, we woke up early at 6:30am and met with a favorite family of ours to watch the hot, air balloons rise over the valley at a local park. We ate donuts, yogurt and juice. The kids had a great time socializing and we mommies and daddies had a great time being childlike and promptly got nauseous from rolling down a hill with bellies full of those oh so healthy donuts and yogurt. Sara told me she was nauseous for most of the day, a little polka kielbasa sausage helped my stomach get over said ailment by noon.


The best picture I got of Sara that morning..she is going to love me for posting this one.
LOVE YA --Sara! ;)

Then we packed our van with cold drinks and strollers and went to the Freedom Festival--a 4th of July fair/celebration. This is my new favorite thing to do on 4th of July with our family. We have a great time doing crafts at the Children's Tent, Sam and Olivia climbed a rock wall, watching a cool reptile show and get all hot, wet and sticky, while trying to cool off with snowcones and frozen water bottles.

Later on, Kaylee, Jarom and their new son, Elijah came over for dinner. We made shishkaboobs, hamburgers and hot dogs.

We brought back the spark in our lives by doing sparklers in the backyard.

Don't they just make you scared and smile all in the same moment?

They can make hornets terrified if they dare to take up residence in your swingset and bite your eldest daughter too.

After that Sam and I got wild and started doing cartwheels and roundoffs in the backyard--I told you that 4th of July brings out my inner child, right?

Thankfully, Olivia thought I was cool, instead of crazy.

We put the girls to bed, cleaned up a bit and waited for the fireworks to begin. We could see alot from our neighbors yard. She welcomed us over to watch them and give the chance to take my first ever shots of fireworks. We woke the girls up and they watched with us. All in all--it was a dazzling day. The things I hope my daughter's best childhood memories will be made of.