Don't Gimme Any Sugar

I am going public with this goal to keep me on track. If you have known me since Olivia was born you might be familiar with my odd eating habits. The fact that I periodically eat virtually no refined sugar is likely no news to you. I lost 23lbs after Olivia was born because of that habit. Some of my friends thought I was crazy but I didn't care, I looked really good 18 mos after I had Olivia. My mom even told me that I was almost too skinny, I sure do miss those water aerobics and weight lifting classes at BYU. Ah those were the days.

The no eating sugar thing started when a co-worker told me if I didn't eat sugar I would lose the desire for it. I love a challenge. I tried it out and it was true. I got really good at it too. Chocolate chip cookies, cheesecake and all those yummy little treats lost their allure. Then I learned how to cook using honey, then splenda, then not splenda, then sucanat, stevia, brown rice syrup, powdered evaporated cane juice and so forth. I found ice cream that I like that doesn't have any refined sugar, I found dark chocolate chips without sugar--there isn't much more than this girl can ask for. I know what snacks I can buy and eat and when I am off sugar my body craves all the good stuff anyway. It has been a journey, one that started when I was pregnant with Olivia and one that continues to this day--6 yrs later.

At this point, I am pretty good at not cooking with sugar because I learned how to cook using whole, unrefined sweeteners that don't spike your blood sugar and give you the same side effects that white and brown sugar do. When I am "on' sugar I tend to be cranky, have mood swings, am generally irritable b/c my blood sugar goes up and down because I am on the insulin/sugar treadmill all day and crave sugary foods that aren't good for me. The other main reason for not eating the sugar is that when you eat "clean" it allows you to lose weight and tone up alot easier, particularly in your midsection. All in all you just feel good. So I am feeling like jumping on that sugar free wagon again. Of course, this is the worst time of the year to do that--in a way. However, I can always choose cheat days on special occasions (moderation in all things)--the good thing is that when you are not eating sugar and then you do, your body's response to the sugar limits portion size. At least it does for me, it just makes me sick to my stomach and get a headache after 3 bites. But since I can cook, I can make my own treats with the unrefined, whole food sweeteners when I really want something.

SO, I feel like shaking life up a bit and creating favorite old habits from yester...months to this new house. The more oldie but goodie routines and practices I do here, the more it feels like home. So tomorrow is Day 1 and since I really want to stick with it and not be lazy, I am blogging it. Nothing like confiding to the world that you aren't eating sugar for a while to keep you honest and moving forward. Feel free to mock me or wish me luck. ;)

Hairless

Maia, my lion maned daughter, has cut her hair. I was trying so hard to not get mad that I am sure I didn't get a good picture. I am too tense at the moment to post pictures. I am just decompressing on the computer while Sam tries to even out the mess. In some places it is only an inch or two long. In other places--like the opposite side of her head-- it is 6-7 inches long. This is going to be some reveal. Well, there is nothing like a "New You Hairdo" as Max and Ruby says. Needless to say, Maia will not be wearing her hair down for a long while. On the positive side, we did take our family pictures last weekend. So that is good. I feel calmer now. Now I get to go play with it and see what we can do with it for the next several months. I heard a quote from a kid that said," Never let your mom do your hair while she is mad." Maia is lucky I blogged out my frustration before I attempted her hair. Pictures coming soon.

Until the pictures arrive--just think of Maia with a Jackson Five curly fro or an Annie hairdo. The kid is dang lucky she is so adorable. I love three year olds, I love three year olds, I love three year olds....

One Year Old Cupcake

Ok, Michaela is like heroin to me. She is like good food you just can't stop eating. I am so thankful for her and her presence in our family. Today she is one and I just want to hold her forever. I nursed her to sleep last night--this never happens. She hasn't nursed to sleep since she was probably 6 mos old. I just held her sweet little sleeping body for a long time after that. This year has zoomed by.

This time last year I was sitting in my midwife's office and she said," Let's have a baby tonight, ok?" I was surprised at her request since it was 5 days BEFORE my due date and I have always had my babies 7 days AFTER my due date. I was even more surprised to have regular contractions in Walmart 1.5 hr later. The kind of contractions that make you want the world around you to be quiet and stay out of your way. Olivia would ask me if I was having "birthing waves" and if I said yes, she'd say,"Ok, I will be quiet." She asked if Michaela was coming. I told her I didn't think so. I still didn't think it was labor when my doula arrived at my house 3 hours later. I kept saying," This isn't labor, it is too easy" or "I am not having a baby today"--both Sam and Katie told me I was. I wasn't convinced 3 hrs after that until I felt a shift in energy in my contractions. I told Katie to call for Suzanne my midwife but I was sure I would only be 4 cm dilated. Imagine my SHOCK when she checked me and announced I was FULLY dilated.

Michaela has been the sweetest, most scrumptious baby since. We held her ALL.THE.TIME. because she had some extra mucous in her airways and we were beyond paranoid that she would suffocate. I swear we held her for 4 weeks straight after she was born--and I am so glad we did. I can never say I didn't hold her enough--though I would love to go back to that stage and hold her even more.

Now she is one and still my baby. I am convinced she is holding off full blown walking to appease my baby hunger. She CAN do it, she just doesn't want to. She is my "fattest" baby. I have never had a child fit 12 mos clothes on their birthday. Maia wore a 0-3 mos old outfit on her birthday, in fact. Anyway, my baby is one and I couldn't be more addicted to her. A part of her middle name is Naomi which means "Pleasant". I did that on purpose because that is an attribute that I wished for her and since kids are what we call them I went for it. She is truly SO pleasant. Oh Yum..the kid is like the most perfect cupcake you've ever had--incredibly delectable, deliciously beautiful and leaves you wanting more. I am wondering if God has given her me to ensure that I have more children. I hope there isn't a wild one waiting in the wings for me. For now--I'll enjoy my pleasant, delicious little cupcake. How lucky am I? I get to have my cake and eat it too. Bliss I tell ya, BLISS.

Misty Potty Colored Memories

I'd like to express how pleased I am with myself that I survived last week. I have always dubbed myself as a potty training wimp/lazy potty trainer, but I did it. I wanted to quit but my friends told me "NO!! Don't do it! You'll be so happy this time next week if you stick with it."

Bless you my brilliant, encouraging friends!!! ((HUGS))

Maia has made it dry through every trip to the store( which totals 3), trick or treating, 3 hrs of church and is 48 hrs free of an accident. Her "pullups" (we just attach the sides of a diaper up and draw a princess on the front and tell her not to pee pee on Cinderella) are still somewhat wet in the morning but she is getting the hang of it. I can't believe it. Woo Hoo! And I did it with her!

She has LOVED the attention. I think being the middle child in the midst of a move, her older sister starting Kindergarten, her baby sister needing more attention at times and not having our preschool co-op anymore has been alot for her. I have enjoyed the time to reconnect with her myself. She thought picking out her own panties was a blast. She is so pleased when she tells me she has to go and I go cheerleader frantic on her. She must think I am pretty crazy. All my jumping up and down and yelling "Woo Hoo!" over and over again is good exercise. I even made up some pretty fun chants that we all just can't get out of our heads. Even Olivia broke out into the most popular one "Look at that girl! Wearing her fancy panties!" as we were buckling up in the van this afternoon on our way to Kindergarten.

I feel like I have earned a mommy merit badge that I didn't have previously. Sam was particularly key in Olivia's potty training so I don't take any credit with her. I can potty train a kid--who knew? WOO HOO! WOO HOO! WOO HOO!

Sweet Six on Halloween

Oh my first little baby is a little girl. A beautiful one with an energetic, tender heart. Her spirit is so good and sincere. She is loyal. She is smart. She hungers after knowledge. She is fireworks. She is the most thirst quenching babbling brook. Her mind is sound and incredibly curious. She is creative. She is kind. She is the baby for whom I labored 36.5 hrs with. She is my Olivia.

I told Olivia that six year olds are especially sweet. Is that manipulative of me? Possibly. But she is really buying into only one day into it. Today she commented that she knows six year old are sweet and so she'd do her best to be so. She is my Halloween baby that girl and as busy as a Halloween birthdays can be. I love it and so does she.

Here are some pictures from Halloween. Olivia was Belle, Maia was Aurora, Michaela was a lamb, Sam was dressed in my dad's old funky pants from the 70's and an equally 70's leather jacket and a wacky tie the girls made him for Father's day and I was a flower.

I couldn't resist posting this picture. I love that huge smile on her face.Spooky Trick or Treating LightingI thought for sure that the girls would be afraid of this scary dude holding the candy bowl. I was so thrilled to get this shot. Maia's face was adorable and her reaction most decidedly unexpected.Pinata Hitting LineupBeat down that pinata.
Take that! Just give me the candy!Dainty striker.What the cakes looked like. Olivia's had a gigantic 6 candle behind the candy heart.

More

What if I am doing it wrong? Being a mother, I mean. I think of all the things I spend my time on. Do I spend my time in the right places? What if what I am doing is not the best that I could be doing? I've been thinking alot about how I spend my time during the day. A dear friend of mine has a quote on her blog that says "How we spend our days is how we spend our lives".

Now I am the type of person that tries awfully hard. I tend to expect a great deal and hold my self to a high standard. Not to be better than anyone else in any way, but to be my very best self. To fulfill the purpose of my life thru being as humanly present in my life's experience. I don't expect perfection but I do expect my best. I don't feel out of balance in any major way so much as I feel like it is time for more. But in what way is my more? I am searching, pondering and praying for more perspective and thoughts on this.

The move has been crazy but good but as we begin to form a new rhythm of life I am realizing the timing of this move was divinely significant for my growth as a woman and as a mother. I think this is the reason for the inner rumblings of stress, uncertainty, questioning and, in some degree, even wrestling. This is a growth spurt--I only have to figure out how and what the Lord wants for me and how to proceed. As I sit here, I am feel that one of the best steps to finding guidance and answers is to go to the temple. As members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints we are blessed with the opportunity to attend the temple. A sacred and holy place where we go to find respite from the world, peace, comfort, instruction and inspiration from the Lord.

Here we are in a new place--a good place, a new city, a new home with new neighbors and my favorite temple is now "my" temple--the closest temple to me. It is time for us to be personally acquainted. I feel so blessed and I want to do the best that I can. I don't want to waste time on things that are not needful. I hunger after the "better part"--the very best part. I don't want more, I want to be more. There is a song called "More" and the lyrics encourage more from my searching soul, they inspire faith--which implies action, they embolden the shy or reserved fibers of my being and put music to the desires of my heart.

More Steady, More Sure, More trusting, More Pure
Some say it doesn't matter
More trained and more aware
More aim to get me there
I climb this far, You raise the bar
You want my heart

More fierce desire to stand against the wind
More blazing fire when darkness closes in
More love inspired change within
So there's more and more of me to give

More words to learn and know
More etched upon my soul
Some say it doesn't matter

More tried, more true
Less me and much more you
I stretch this tall
You sound the call
You want my all

More fierce desire to stand against the wind
More blazing fire when darkness closes in
More love inspired change within
You keep reaching out
You're calling out to me

For more strengthened shoulders
To face the war with sin
More wise and bolder
To save the souls of men
A more faithful soldier to the end
You want more and more of me to give

More and more of me to give
More love
More light
More purpose
More serve with all might
I need more hope, more faith, more patience
Each day I prayer for more

More and more of me to give
More fire
More zeal
More spirit to know what's real
More courage, More joy
More, more and more of me to give
More grateful, more true
More humble to trust in you

You call- I hear
I walk the path that's set in stone
My heart is fixed on getting home
What on earth could ever matter more?

These are alot of words but they remind to hold on, to do my very best, to seek and remind me that I will find. They cause me to be true to the good desires of my true heart. They bring to the surface the knowledge that I am loved, that I am enough--as we all are-- that I will be made enough and that the best is yet to be.

On the same dear's friend blog there is another quote that says,"

"We should begin by recognizing the reality that just because something is good is not a sufficient reason for doing it. The number of good things we can do far exceeds the time available to accomplish them. Some things are better than good, and these are the things that should command priority attention in our lives."

--Elder Dallin H. Oaks

I think that after I get off my knees after praying for guidance, I need to break out my paper journal(indeed I do have one of those too), determine what those best things are. Then, identify what keeps me from them, how I can disengage from the things that aren't my priorities and create a plan on how I can engage in the best things in my life and pour myself into them.
Well, here goes.