Imperfectly Beautiful

I am imperfect but I am good. I am not yet who I want to be but I am headed in the right direction. I envision beauty and the outcome isn't always as neat, inspiring and incredible. But the point is that I go after it, always. Never giving up. It isn't about perfection as much as it is about learning to be who you are as a daughter (or son) of God. It is about loving who you are because you are His and with that comes the ability to create beauty and hopefulness because of who you are and how you going about acting true to your eternal identity.

Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf said “Sisters, trust and rely on the Spirit. As you take the normal opportunities of your daily life and create something of beauty and helpfulness, you improve not only the world around you but also the world within you.”

Whenever I hear those words, I almost always tear up. I don't know why but there it is. Perhaps it is because I want so badly to make the world around me beautiful. I feel this restlessness within me. My beauty creating skills want to break free and DO. However, my skills are still tender little buds. I am still waiting for the blossoms. It could be time for some Miracle Gro or compost, I think.

This week, I will be working on straightening out more of my personal kinks. I have felt like a necklace that has sat too long in the bottom of my jewelry bowl and is, therefore, all jumbled up. There is no comfort or peace in that state. The full luster of that embellishment cannot be seen in such a condition. That is me. I am working on those kinks so that one day thru my everyday living something lovely and bright can be seen at its best.

I woke up this morning pondering on my day. I wondered what it was that I wanted to do and study to become better and close to the Savior. I had THE best Easter lesson in Young Women yesterday. It was the best one I have ever had in my entire life. As I thought and pondered a bit, a few of my favorite talks came to my mind. I want to study them and their accompanying scriptures.

There is one that I haven't read but one that was recommended to me. It is called the Whole Armor of God by Rex Reeves.
http://speeches.byu.edu/reader/reader.php?id=6849&x=62&y=4

One of my all-time favorites is one from Sheri Dew titled 'This is a Test. It is Only a Test."
http://lds.org/ensign/2000/07/this-is-a-test-it-is-only-a-test?lang=eng&query=life+test.+only+test.

A current favorite that I have been listening to and studying is one from the most recent General Conference by Elder Lynn G. Robbins
http://lds.org/general-conference/2011/04/what-manner-of-men-and-women-ought-ye-to-be?lang=eng&media=audio

Of Things That Matter Most by Elder Uchtdorf from last fall's General Conference
http://lds.org/general-conference/2010/10/of-things-that-matter-most?lang=eng

Reflections of a Consecrated Life by Elder D. Todd Christofferson
http://lds.org/general-conference/2010/10/reflections-on-a-consecrated-life?lang=eng

The Tongue of Angels by Elder Jeffery R. Holland
http://lds.org/general-conference/2007/04/the-tongue-of-angels?lang=eng&query=tongue+angels

Mothers Who Know by Julie B. Beck
http://lds.org/general-conference/2007/10/mothers-who-know?lang=eng

Those are some that have flowed to my mind so I am going to just start reading, studying, writing down impressions, listening to and acting on them. What are YOU going to be studying this week?

Today is Make Yourself Feel Good Day

My house is a mess. I feel like a time wasting slacker. Pollyanna just paid me a visit. I have pollen and flower petals in my hair. And now, I am taking this bull by the horns. This is my plan.

Put on my cute pink converse sneakers. Feed us. Groom us. Put some music on for us. Let the kids wash windows and clean floors. Take out the garbage. Change Sheets. Start some laundry, stock towels. Mango Chicken with Brown Rice and Broccoli for Dinner, Vacuum, Tidy living room. The hubster is coming home late so that will be the perfect time to have late naps and quiet reading time. I've got LOTS of books on my bedside stand to read. Instead of seizing up, I am seizing the day.

There. I said it. Now you know. Make me accountable and ask me if I did it.

Don't Beat up Pollyanna

There she is. Our poster child for the spirit of optimism. I am pretty much a Pollyanna and I think it is a good thing to be. However, I have been feeling anti-Pollyanna lately. I have been inwardly pounding my fist; thinking good and hard about beating up my inward Pollyanna. But, let's face it. That is a pretty sad and revolting image. I just can't do it, I just can't pop her a good one, even if I wanted to. I have thought about turning my back for a minute but that couldn't last for long because I'd feel like I was betraying myself...which I find revolting as well.

I have settled on plugging my ears and singing "LaLaLaLa" until I feel more the thing. One day, I will wake up and not feel like doing it. What I am hoping it that my inward Pollyanna will pry my fingers from my ears, whack me over the head with a bouquet of wildflowers while reminding me of all the things I have to be glad about. I bet you she even wrote the song "Count Your Blessings". SO, here's my plan. I am going to take my fingers out of my ears, go get prettied up and work on organizing the meca of our household clutter--the homeschool room. Who wouldn't feel fine after that? I know I would. Maybe I will sing a little song or two. And after (likely even before) all is said and done, I'll have even more things to be glad about. Happy Monday!

The Dawn of Spring

Spring is like nature's Monday. The beginning of all that is to blossom and grow in the coming year. I tried my hand at some spring flower bed planting (which is done in the fall) and I am so pleased with how it is turning out. Compliments have boosted my excitement about applying this new skill and I can't wait to see how things continue to bloom. There is so much potential. My summer flowers are yet to be seen but they are filling out and readying themselves for display.

I am working on extending Spring's fresh splendor into our home. Spring cleaning is where its at around here. This year is my first official and in depth whack at it and I like the feeling of productivity and the potential of what could be. My house doesn't really look all that different but the more I get into the more it will. This year's spring cleaning has been motivated by the fact that we are gaining new life experience, an experience that we didn't think that we'd have. Layoffs. But this layoff has been a blessing in that we knew it was coming and we've had much more time to prepare for the potential hardships that can come with it. We were informed in February and the actual layoff date is June 9th.

We are feeling peaceful but active. We are readying ourselves for moves, stays, unemployment, first time home selling, lean means (I am grateful to still think of ourselves as living like college students) but hoping for the best and, frankly, we are seeing it. The Lord's hand is everywhere. It pops up and shows it merciful and glorious hand just like my spring flowers seem to expand and bloom almost overnight.

Not only has spring sprung but so has hope. Each step comes with something to get excited about and hope for. Some steps are less than thrilling but even those have expanded our perspectives and force us to face fear with faith. We have come closer as a family, my children are learning about fasting, praying for the Lord's will and about having hope in the unknown. Sam and I have become closer as a couple and we are doing this together. Our temple attendance has become a weekly occurrence. In the most recent General Conference, it was said that regular temple attendance helps to make a burdens feel lighter. Indeed it does.

Things could very well get worse and we are preparing for it as best as we can BUT this Pollyanna can't help thinking that the best of spring, even with its gloomy, wet days or feather ruffling snow is on the horizon. The snow does fall on my daffodils and makes them droop, however,when the snow melts they always rise back up seeking and receiving renewed strength from the sun. Lest we forget, April showers do bring May flowers. And no matter how rainy or snowy it is, those May flowers DO come. Even if they don't come until June. So, bring on the blooms, I say! Until then, I am relishing the ones that bring a smile to my face and spring hope in my heart right now.

Cling to Faith and Optimism

I am a rather happy person by nature and I admit to being a Pollyanna as well. I can't help it. I am sure I may have annoyed many a person being this way but I can't help it. It feels better to be positive and happy. This morning, I started to feel a dark cloud creeping overhead. I could feel an "opposition day" threatening. It is still attempting to hover but I am trying to figure out the best way to blast thru it. I am beginning to imagine myself as a happy Pollyanna who pulls out a sunblasting ray gun out from under my skirts and then dispelling the gloom.

But it is not usually as simple as that. I have to accept that even Pollyanna has her off days. She is no less herself nor half her value. Pollyanna just needs a boost from time to time. She is human, and with humanity comes ups and downs. The gift, I'd like to think, is that Pollyanna's remember, are encouraged by and are compelled to finding the silver lining that enables them to see the dawn of an indomitably resplendent day. I came across a quote today that helped me to see the silver lining. I have read it before but the timing of seeing it again was excellent. It brought out my fighter.

Go at life with abandon; give it all you've got. And life will give all it has to you.

The secret of life isn't what happens to you, but what you do with what happens to you.

Help other people to cope with their problems and your own will be easier to cope with.

Never use the word impossible seriously again. Toss it into the verbal wastebasket.

Self-trust is the first secret of success. So believe in and trust yourself.

Stand up to your obstacles and do something about them. You will find that they haven't half the strength you think they have.

Joy increases as you give it, and diminishes as you try to keep it for yourself. In giving it, you will accumulate a deposit of joy greater than you ever believed possible.

How you think about a problem is more important than the problem itself - so always think positively.

Go at life with abandon; give it all you've got. And life will give all it has to you.

Norman Vincent Peale .

On top of that, I was reminded of some scriptures that has prepared me to take on what life had for me to experience. My girls and I memorized this scripture about 2 months ago and everytime I hear Michaela say it in her sweet little voice I feel succored. "Be of good cheer and do not fear, for I,the Lord am with you and will stand by you." Nothing is better than knowing, remembering and trusting in the Savior. He has overcome the world and He will not leave us alone while we face it. Thru Him, we can overcome it too.

Be careful: Those trees were trained by the Yankees

Never once did it cross your mind that you'd get ruffed up by an apple tree did ya? I mean, that came out of nowhere, right? How ridiculously R.U.D.E. You are appalled and definitely shocked. And then it dawns on you, you did get off the road. Now those trees not only hit, they throw. Apples. And perhaps those apples aren't what they are supposed to be but they are big, round and hard. But the farther away from the tree you are, the worse its aim is. Apples are still thrown and some may hit their target, but you receive less of their smarting brunt from farther away.

Rule #1: Stay on the ding dang brick road. Rule #2: Don't go searching for food or nourishment in a strange land where you simply don't know what you are going to get. Trust in the "Wizard" to do that. Rule #3: If you break rules #1 and #2, expect those apples, get back to the road and when you get angry at being accosted, use that burst of energy (that you get from getting angry) to compel you forward and away from those sassy frassy trees towards the wisdom, comfort and strength of the mighty Oz--who in our case is our Savior, Jesus Christ.

This morning, I learned a couple things. When your kids (or anyone else who happens to trigger you) throw apples at you and you get all mad at them for throwing them, use that boost of energy that anger gives you towards moving forward. You can cry as you move forward. You can even vent and feel angry as you move forward. Just move forward. Resist the urge to look back even. Flee the apples that want to cripple you with hurt, frustration, pain or anger, get back on the road and remember what we are told in Philippians 4:13. "I can do all things thru Christ which strengthenth me."

When you do that, the destructive power of anger will have been left on the wayside and you'll find yourself headed in the right direction after the dust settles a bit. You may think you can't. But you can. Because He has and He will help you. He will for you and me. We are never alone. He is always with us. We just have to stay on the yellow brick road.

I listen to myself about as well as my children do...

I believe I eluded to the fact that I tend to cheerlead myself--you know give myself some words of affirmation when I need some love. Well, I guess I need some good lovin' because it is only Tuesday and here I am posting on my blog..again. DERUTIFIAGE. No overresting! (ie. Being lazy). Now you all know what a lazy bum I am.

Time to slip on my sparkly reds and help myself out of this rut by putting away the laundry and fold a bit more. We may have leftovers and/or cold cereal for dinner but by golly...

Watch out for those Poppies! They will make you sleepy. Get back to the yellow brick road.

Take a deep breath. Breathe in your blessings, let them calm you. See that sky darkening ahead? Looks ominous doesn't it? No worries, Sister. Hang tight to the realization that just beyond that blustery gray gloominess luminously clear and blue skies abound.

I just opened up my scriptures and these three scriptures popped out at me.

19For I perceive that ye are in the paths of righteousness; I perceive that ye are in the path which leads to the kingdom of God; yea, I perceive that ye are making his ^apaths straight.

23And now I would that ye should be ^ahumble, and be ^bsubmissive and gentle; easy to be entreated; full of patience and long-suffering; being temperate in all things; being diligent in keeping the commandments of God at all times; asking for whatsoever things ye stand in need, both spiritual and temporal; always returning thanks unto God for whatsoever things ye do receive.

24And see that ye have ^afaith, hope, and charity, and then ye will always abound in good works.

27And now, may the ^apeace of God rest upon you, and upon your houses and lands, and upon your flocks and herds, and all that you possess, your women and your children, according to your faith and good works, from this time forth and forever. And thus I have spoken. Amen.

I love how the Book of Mormon soothes my nerves and gives me the gentle boost I need to just DO it. There are many moments in my mommy day where I want to just do nothing but overresting and falling asleep on the job leads to an overgrowth of poppies right here in my little home. Those poppies are the very frustrations that are seeking to unnerve me and lull me into a state of demotivation. I am on a mission. DERUTIFIAGE (I think I really like my new word.) Time to just say a prayer put on some happy music and attack this day. Derutifiage is the word of the day.

Follow the Yellow Brick Road

Monday, Monday. Come on, don't ya just feel the exciting potential of this new week? I have been spinning my Tisha wheels lately BUT I am feeling a bit of de-rut-ifiage. Like my new word? I think it works. I have thrown a few sticks in my rut and I am enjoying some traction. I am hoping for the exhilaration that comes from getting out of a muddy rut this week. Will this week be perfect. No way, Jose! Life with children (or just plain life in general) means it is a waste of time and energy to expect the picture perfect. But we can do our best with faith in the Savior and He is the one that makes our efforts perfectly enough. It is about giving our all and our upmost, letting go of the doubts, framing our days with prayer and getting up and doing some good work while we emulate Christ. We will stumble but we will also succeed. We will become better because of those falls and bruises. Our strength will be renewed as we remember who it is that has paved the way to happiness for us.

The path isn't hard to miss. I like to think of it as the yellow brick road. Not all want to follow it and some get off only to be pummeled by apples, attacked by flying monkeys and harassed by wicked witches. But we aren't afraid of lions and tigers and bears! We are daughters of God (Oh my!) who have taken upon ourselves the atoning blood of the Savior and that gives us power from on high. It is a power that no wicked witch can deshod us of. We know that there is no place like our homes here on earth and our heavenly home to which we are striving to return. We, sometimes, forget to click our heels though. It is so simple and sometimes we don't use our energy to do so.

I have been counseling with the Lord as to the best way to click my heels. I am getting back to some basics and am seeing the need to implement some new basics. My basics are no more magical than yours. I just have to DO it. There is power in those small things. I have been reminded many times in the last month that by small means the Lord can bring out great things. I am small. I am simple. I also like sparkly red shoes whose power comes from my Heavenly Father. That power will help me to accomplish the great things that He has for my family to do, to be and to accomplish. It is Monday. There is no time like now to slip on my sparkly reds and get to work. There is nothing like feeling purty and sparkly while you do the basics. I dare you to join me. Bienvenue Domingo !

First one to 5lbs!!

I hang out with this chick. Alot. We have been workout buddies for the last 3 months now. We did the Couch to 5K together. We watched each others hineys' shrink into awesomeness. We lost the Biggest Loser challenge by the skin of our teeth. She had the highest percentage of weight loss (6%) and I had the second highest (5.7%)but someone else had more points that we did. *Groan*

We have been in a bit of a rut lately. Lately=two weeks. Ok, so not that long but long enough for us to know that we need a CHALLENGE to get us to the end of our weight loss goals (and the end of our homeschool year--believe it or not they go hand in hand). So, we decided to do a "First to 5lbs!" Challenge to whip our lackluster drives into high gear.

We have another peep. She wanted in on the fun. Score for us. The more the merrier. (And boy, are we merry together already.) The more the motivation. The more the cash pot prize! That's right. After these 5lbs, we skinny chickypeeps are going to need a new outfit.

You can hear the "Eye of the Tiger" music in the background can't ya? Uh huh. It is ON. We are a competitive lot. But, we also are great cheerleaders. We proved that in the last weight loss challenge. If I didn't win, I wanted Rachel to win (Shelley wasn't competing in the last one). At least this time I know that the person who wins will be one of my favorite people. So, we definitely each want one another to succeed--just for ourselves to get to 5lbs first! *giggle* It should be way fun (in a sore thighs sort of way). Better yet, I think I see a group shopping trip in our future. Woot!