Beyond Expectations: Day 13

Tonight during family movie night, Olivia said, "Isn't tomorrow going to be MARCH?" We all bursted into laughter. Yep, folks, unless Baby P decides to show herself in the next 3 hrs we will not be getting our February baby. I thought it'd be cool to have a February baby at the beginning of all this because that would continue our birthday months all in a row.

Oh well. I can't say I am sad. March is blowing in and I can say without a doubt that I will definitely have a baby in the month of March. My doula texted me today and asked me what I had learned today. She has texted me with uplifting, positive and supportive thoughts and affirmations. She has been an incredible force in keeping me positive and centered in a peaceful place where I could stay in tune with the Spirit and my instincts. I will love her forever for what she has done for me in this regard.

I went to church today and it was wonderful to be there. We kind of faked everyone out because Sam, the girls and my Mom walked in the chapel while I was hanging up my coat. Right at the moment when the people sitting behind Sam and Mom were leaning forward to ask if we had had the baby, I walked right in to find them sitting in the middle of the very front row of pews. I smiled at everyone and took my seat.

So, what have I learned today? Well, I have learned that peace does come when you let expectations go and just let things be. I have learned to trust in the Lord more. I have learned that it is ok to cry and that stillness and peace do come after a resignation of expectations. Last night, as I was going to sleep, I was feeling frustrated. We really thought Paisley was coming and it was a let down to have our expectations up so high. I began my prayers and I didn't know what to ask for or what to say. I simply told the Lord that I wanted what He wanted for me, tears rolled across my face and I said, "Amen".

This morning, I woke feeling very well rested and mildly despondent. I didn't know quite what to feel. I wasn't sure what to pray for. I said a prayer of gratitude. It was freeing to list all those things I am grateful for. I smiled at myself at the mirror and said it was going to be a good day and it has. Tomorrow will be a good day too. Welcome March!

Beyond Expectations: Day 12.5

I am 7cm dilated and not really in labor. Are we learning patience yet?

Thanks for the apple pie, Rachel! :)

Beyond Expectations: Day 12

Had some contractions that were sporadically regular. They'd go from being 11 min apart, then 15 min, then 20 min, then back to 11 min, then 15 min, 20 min etc. After that I lost my mucous plug. Yay!

Went to bed and had a good night's sleep. So now we are heading down to visit some family and drop O at a birthday party for 11am. I am going in to see my mw at 11:30. She is going to stretch and sweep my membranes at that point. Could the eviction really be working? Did Alissa impart some of her magic powers on me? We shall see.

Beyond Expectations: Day 11--Eviction Notice

Me at 40w 5 d. Doesn't Rachel's apple pie look fabulous?

A couple days ago, you might remember my mentioning that the second of my friends had her baby. I was reading over good Alissa's blog and she reminded me of a "tradition" per say that she has with her unborn babies. She writes an eviction notice and very shortly thereafter they are born. I think both of her last two children came a day after she wrote them. I think that would be fun to do. So I think I will try to write my own "Please vacate the premises" love note to wee Paisley. Here goes...

Dear Paisley Pie, my love, my sweet-

The time has come. The time is now. Just come, come, come. I DO care how. Paisley Breanna-Kay Hunt could you be please come NOW? I'll take tomorrow that is all good and well. We'd really like to see you, come out of your shell. You can come in the day or come in the night, there is even a full moon on Sunday night. Mimi is here to take care of Mom. If you come before March, I'll buy you a great dress for prom. You have sisters who are beside themselves to love you and your Father in Heaven will never cease to guide you. Your dad wants to snuggle with you on his chest and mom will make great milk that will come from her breast. I love you my dear, please come in a hurry--especially before the end of February.

Alissa--If you ever read this, thanks for your great idea. I hope I have the same kind of magic that makes my babies come when I ask, like you do. Baby Libby is delicious and dreamy. Congratulations! Don't feel bad that your babe came before mine, they come when they know it is time. I appreciate your love, friendship and compassion. ((HUGS)) Enjoy your babymoon.

In other news, I am officially 4 cm dilated. Woo Hoo!

Beyond Expectations: Day 10

39wk 5 d

This was me 12 days ago. Right before we went to the Valentine's dance.


Still here! Doing well. My appointment with my midwife went well. Baby is looking great. I did have her check me just for kicks. I didn't think I was much of anything because my hunch was that all the contractions I have been having are mainly for positioning baby and priming my birthing machine :) not dilating. I am dilated to 1.5cm. Better than a zero. We talked about my options. She put in a foley catheter in my cervix and when it falls out I will be 4cm no matter what. It doesn't necessarily start labor but it starts you at a nice point when it does start. My midwife predicts that I will have a baby before March. My newest prediction? March 1st. What is yours?

Beyond Expectations: Day 9

We went out for the day. A tour of Welfare Square and some fun at Target got me many more birthing waves closer to Paisley. But that is about it. I woke up today ready. I felt like an athlete who was focused and ready for the game. No nerves, just primed and in the zone. It made me think maybe the game would be today. But it's not looking like it will. You just never know though. That is a bit of a bummer because I love the energy that comes from being ready and so focused.

Tomorrow, we are going to IKEA to get excited, oh, ah and shop/walk around IKEA for the morning before my appointment with my midwife. I'll keep you posted! I just found out that another friend of mine who was due in March had her baby a couple hrs ago. I really did laugh. I really do think this is uncannily funny. This is just so WEIRD. Am I dreaming or do I just live in the twilight zone? Is it possible that Paisley just REALLY doesn't want me to be her mother and she is pleading with Heavenly Father to NOT be sent to me? Surely not, we are nice people.

Beyond Expectations: Day 8

Today, I feel bathed in the affirmation "Trust Birth". My emotions, instincts and feelings meet right at this belief. I feel good. I feel kind of swaddled if that makes any sense. I've had a few paradigm upgrades that are keeping me in my happy place. My heart and spirit are open to all instruction, education and promptings but I just feel peace. In fact, my mind just doesn't feel the need to accept anything less than that.

We so often get caught up in the potential negative "what ifs" of birth and while I believe in being properly educated, aware, open to alternatives and changes in plan my subconscious seems to be teaching me about keeping all that in proper balance. I was reading an excerpt from my Hypnobabies book and it talked about shifting our minds to the positive "what ifs" to maintain proper balance and not be forced to act out of fear.

What if this birth is to be my most calm and enpowering experience ever? What if she comes out and everything is well-- as it should be? What if trusting my body and instincts is the best option rather than going against them merely to satisfy the fear of the unknown "what coulds"?

Life isn't perfect and I do know that. We don't always get what we want, when we want it, how we want it but I do know that things work out the way they are supposed to. I know that my instincts and promptings have always brought me to the right places and choices in my life. I also know that going against them have kept me from blessings and positive experiences that were intended to be mine.

Beyond Expectations: Day 7

My sister-in-law had her baby early this morning. YAY! She was 41w and 4 days along. My niece is is 9lbs 1oz and 21.5 inches long. YAY AMBY!! That would put me next on the list. She and I had daughters on the same day 4.5 yrs ago. I am hoping that Paisley thinks that idea is cool and decides to come before the day is over but if not.....

When you are a 7 days past your guess date any time you call your husband at work to ask him what kind of candy he wants, he will think you are calling to tell him that you are in labor and that you should come home. Just so you know.

Last week, I found a birthing statistic somewhere that said you are more likely to give birth on a Tuesday than you are to give birth on the weekend. Interesting huh? At this point, I am beginning to forget that I am pregnant. I have happily settled in for the long haul. I won't be going past 42 weeks so I will definitely be meeting my daughter in 7 days or less. Ten bucks she is 9lbs. These hips can totally handle it.

Beyond Expectations: Day 6

I am almost there! Tomorrow I am 41 weeks. Who wants to make a bet that Paisley will go over the 41weeks even mark? I will! I am happy and feeling good. Tomorrow I am going for another walk around the block for sure though.

My mom is in town so now we have in house child care for the birth. If it happens during the day, mom and the girls will go on a day excursion. If it happens during the night, she will be here if the girls happen to wake up. I have had some contractions that have become increasingly stronger but they are sporadic. Like I said before, I will believe them when the baby comes out.

Sam looked at me a second ago and said," Do I really have to go to work tomorrow? I am going to go in and everyone is going to ask me why I am here." Poor guy. Several women told him to put me in a swing and push me until the baby came out. LOL. I had every intention of going to church today but Michaela got sick (just a cold) so I stayed home with her.

Maia looked at me today and said,"MOM, you said that by the time Mimi (my mom) got here that Paisley would be born." Yep, this one has made me a liar with my family. The girls all kissed and talked to my belly. They asked her to come and told baby that they love her. And that is my report on day 6 of the Paisley stake out. I am going to go watch Persuasion. :)

Beyond Expectations: Day 5

Happy Day! No boredom. Whee!! It has been one of those nice Saturdays. Don't ya love simple pleasure, easy Saturdays? No where to go, nothing major to do. Sam and I chatted in bed for what seemed like forever. The big girls just hung out downstairs for 2 hrs longer than normal. Michaela slept in for an extra hour herself. Then he and I downloaded some fun music from Amazon. The girls watched some cartoons, we had lunch, then we went on a walk around the neighborhood for about an hour.

It was fun to chat with people who stopped to talk to us. We got alot of "Do you think walking will really do it?" remarks. It was pretty funny. I got stopped by these two ladies in my ward who are sisters. One was telling me how far her children went past their estimated due dates. This was probably about 35 years ago and she went 1-4 weeks past her guess dates. Imagine that. FOUR WEEKS! Another friend and she went 3 wks past her estimated due date.

It was awesome to be out in the fresh air and I loved the crampy contractions that came with it as well. We came home, ate some apple pie and now it's quiet time. I am about to go catch a nap myself. It's been a good day.

I hope you all know how much I appreciate your encouragement and kind words. I can feel your love and it means a great deal. I downloaded a song from my high school years. Remember the song from the Waiting to Exhale Soundtrack titled "Exhale (Shoop Shoop) " by Whitney Houston? There is a line in the chorus that says

Sometimes you'll laugh, Sometimes you'll cry
Life never tells us the "whens" or "whys"
When you have friends who wish you well
You'll find a point when you will exhale

You all have been that to me and that is a priceless gift. It makes everything in life good, bearable, fantastic and just plain happier. There are few things better than being given permission to share your feelings, to feel sincerity from those whom you love and be reminded to take in a good, cleansing breath and let go of all the rest. We all need to be reassured and fortified with peace and positivity from others. THANK YOU. I hope I can return the favor if given the chance.

Beyond Expectations: Day 4 and a Half

I just got a comment from my friend, Christina, who asked if I ever think "Will I ever have my baby." This is quite ironic because I just wrote an email to my friend Kris and this is what I said.

Kris--I can say this to you. But I rather not admit it to the whole world. I haven't had this thought before now but I just want to say it and get it out....

I am NEVER going to have this baby, am I?

That thought came to me after I got the most darling picture on my phone from my friend Amberli who just had her newborn son. Amberli was about 38wks along. I just knew when my friends who were due in March started having babies before me that my resolve might begin to waiver.

I called Sam and he praised me for being such a trooper and said,"Don't worry honey, you'll have her tomorrow at 3pm, remember?" This is an excerpt from a discussion we were having last night. He did call the time that Michaela was born (of course, I was in labor at the time) but I like the way he thinks. But in all honesty, it really just can't be that long now. I think I will go make my pie and find my happy and patient place again.

So, yes, Christina, I must admit to having that thought. Do I get any bonus points for only having thought it today?

Beyond Expectations: Day 4

When it comes down to waiting for baby, mornings are always the hardest for some reason. I get bored. It must be the planner in me that gets ready for the day by figuring out what is on "The List". I can't just put "Have a Baby" on the list and expect it to happen. So I guess it makes me anxious. So I struggle with the boredom, then the afternoon hits and I am not bored anymore. Thank goodness for the arrival of our tax return this morning. I spent a hour or so putting it where it belonged and then I went on to paying bills since Sammy got paid today as well.

My sil, Kaylee, called today to see how I was doing. She is Florida for work. She will be there until Wednesday and hopes she won't miss THE calls from Amby and I. She told me to be sure to even text her if my call goes to her voicemail. She said it would be well worth the .20 texting fee that she'd get.

You know you are really getting down to the wire waiting for your baby's arrival when you hear the phone ring and your first thought is "Maybe I am in labor!" Yes, I truly did think that 3 minutes ago when the Friends of MS called me.

Yesterday my friend, Rachel, fed me the best homemade apple pie for lunch. We get together weekly for a little homeschool playdate/mommy get together. The playdate is really for us. The kids enjoy it I am sure but I am CONVINCED that Rachel and I giggle, play and girl chat more than our kids do.

As I was waking up from my nap after playdate, I started craving that apple pie. It was YUMMY, folks. I called and got the recipe. I think I will make that pie again today. In fact, I am sure of it. I really hope that my skills will prove as promising as Rachel's. If not, maybe I will bribe Rachel to make one for me. :) In fact, I will make a request and see how she responds. You whooo, Rachel!!! I know you are out there. If I go past 41 wks (which is on Monday) will you take pity on me and make a pie for me? You can come over and we can eat it for lunch again, if you want :)

So, the apple pie is my project for the day. We will do some grocery shopping as well and we were hoping to go for a walk around the block but since it is snowing a walk around Winco and/or Costco will have to suffice. I am also thinking that I might be brave to paint my front living room a lovely neutral yellow. I might go and get a paint sample can and see if it will work.

Rachel's Delectably Delightful Apple Pie

Crust:
1.5 C. flour
1/2tsp. salt
1/2 C. + 1 T. butter
Combine the flour and salt. Then cut in the butter.

1 egg yolk
2-3 T. ice water
2 tsp. lemon juice

Mix these 3 ingredients and drizzle over flour mixture until it forms a ball. Add more water if needed.

Roll into a ball and then flatten a bit. Wrap in plastic wrap. Refrigerate dough for 30 minutes. She only had 2o minutes and the crust was stellar.

Filling:
5-7 baking apples, peeled and thinly sliced (she used Granny Smith, I want to mix Granny and Pink Lady)
3/4C. sugar
1tsp. cinnamon
1/4 tsp. salt

Mix together and put filling into crust. I forgot to ask Rachel if she lightly baked the bottom crust to set before she added her filling. I will assume she did and do that.

Put 2 T. of butter on top of apple filling. Cover with top crust and cook in a preheated 425 degree oven for 45 minutes.

Beyond Expectations: Day 3

We had an 9am midwife appointment today. We made it on time. Happily. Dude, I was proud of my mommy skills. I have been preparing Mika for the past month specifically to be a big girl by having her walk next to me and holding my hand when we get out of the car and walk across the parking lot into the building. She is finally getting the fact that I really will make her hold my hand but is thrilled with the independence she gets once she is inside the building. She sticks by me and comes/stops when I call really well. Yay.

So, all of you moms know the drill right? When you go in for your checkups, they need a urine sample. Maia calls this "pressing the pee". We walk in the bathroom and Maia says," Mom is it time to press the pee?" "Yes, Maia," I say. "It is time to TEST the pee." Kids are hilarious. We go in to Suzanne's exam room, the girls break out the toy drawer, I weigh myself, they check my temperature and pulse, blood pressure, measure my fundal height and we listen to heart tones and check baby's position. I got complimented for the second time by Suzanne's apprentice that I have a great belly with which to check baby's position. I feel a swell of pride over my trusty basketball belly.

Speaking of baby position, she is ANTERIOR. FINALLY. Yay. I have been very confident all this time that she would finally get into a good position but I was relieved to not have the pressure of thinking I might have to push out a posterior baby. Phew. Happy Dance. I have been having significantly more birthing waves since.

Michaela. She is a fine thing she is. I love watching my youngest as they realize that there is going to be a new baby. I was curious to see how Mika would catch on since she is pretty young. She loves to listen to heart tones when we are Suzanne's. She is very attentive about it all. She tells Suzanne that Paisley is in my belly and shows them. She kisses my belly alot. Every morning, she likes me to pull up my shirt, she, then, she strokes my belly and says "Hi", "Good Morning" and "I love you, Paisley."

Today, while I sat their chatting after my checkup was complete, I looked down to see Michaela standing right in front me of me. Her lips were only cms from my belly and she was staring. it. down. She was focused. Gazelle intense, I tell ya. It really did look like she was trying to exert her big sister powers to call Paisley forth from my womb. We all cracked up laughing.

So, here we are. End of Day 3. I will admit that this morning, I had a thought that made me believe that I would be holding my baby tonight. This just proves that I know nothing when it comes to the arrival of this bambina. I cannot believe that tomorrow is Friday. This week has flown by. 41wks,which is when Olivia and Maia came, is only a few days away on Monday. I wonder if this creamy baby is going to go for the gold and go past even my own expectations.

At this point, I am just trying to decide if I am going to skip church on again or not. My sister in law, Amber, turned 41wks today. She and I have this uncanny knack on being pg and due at the same time. Last time, we had our daughters (Maia and Hazel) on the same day. They were born 3 hrs apart. She went to church this past week so if she makes it to Sunday and goes then I would feel like a weanie if I didn't. But there is nothing wrong with being a weanie, right? :)

Beyond Expectations: Day 2

I have energy today! I love energy days. *Happy Dance* So, I woke up this morning and thought "Wow, I am still pregnant. " I went to a Mardi Gras party last night and I thought that maybe the spicy food would do the trick. I wasn't hanging my hat on it, mind you, but it's been known to work before. I even brought a change of clothing should my water break while I was there. No such luck. I am still pleased with the fact that I was prepared.

While at the party, it was quite fun to answer the big question whenever someone would ask. The big question is "When are you due?" I would smile and say, "Yesterday!" I got some good reactions from that. Later on, we dropped my sister and brother in law's house. He said that my belly didn't look real. I catch a glimpse of myself from certain angles and think the same thing.

Today, I came up with a brilliant idea. I decided that Paisley just might need a little encouragement to come. I didn't want her to think that just because I am trying to be a patient mommy didn't mean that I wouldn't be happy to see her sooner than I expected. I made up a new song for her. It is called "Let's Have a Baby Today" accompanied with lots of hip jiggles. I don't think she bought it.

So now I am digging deeper into my memory to try to attack some of those projects I thought I wouldn't have the time to do before Creamy Chick #4 arrives. I wrote them down a second ago. Good thing because I can't quite remember what they were. Oh yeah, I wanted to work on hanging up a wall of family pictures mixed with some of my favorite quotes downstairs in the family room.

During lunch today, Olivia asked if I had any birthing waves last night. Maia then asked if Paisley would come today. I said, "I don't know but you can pray ask for her to come tonight if she is ready." She did. Afterwards, Olivia explained that we don't always get answers to our prayers exactly when we want them. That we get them exactly when Heavenly Father knows it is best for us to receive them. Not bad for a 7 year old huh?

So as you can see, I am still hanging in (and out) there. I find myself in a weird state of mind. There seems to be a huge part of my brain that is in denial of the fact that I am actually going to be having a baby. What if I have come down with case of beer belly-itis and I just thought it was a baby? Beer Bellies don't kick, do they?

All kidding aside, it is true. The logical side of me knows that she will be born sometime relatively soon. However, the forefront of my mind is kind of blind to the fact. It's not convinced there is a baby in the first place. Is that odd or what? This is what I attribute a great deal of my patience too. I like being pg but I am no saint. It's that bubble that seems to keep me in this peaceful oblivion.

I do have birthing waves off and on, some are obviously Braxton Hicks and some wrap around from my lower back up around to the front and pull up. I really just kind of blow them off. I practice my Hypnobabies, roll my eyes and say, "Whatever. I refused to be tricked into thinking that this is the real thing. I'll believe you when the baby comes out." That kind of thinking is mildly dangerous because with Michaela I was NOT convinced I was in labor. Sam and my doula were convinced but I wasn't. Then I had a thought that said, "Call your midwife." So we did, she came and I was complete and ready to push.

My midwife lives about 45 minutes away now and she told me to be sure to call her a bit earlier than I think I need to this time. Where is the fun in that? I keep having dreams that she doesn't make it for the birth too. Sounds thrilling, doesn't it? I also dream that this wee bairn was 9lbs even. Imagine that. Never mind, don't. Either way, I can handle it for sure. Ok, I'll stop rambling for now.

One of these days I will upload my 40wk belly shot. I'll get Sam to do that tonight, I think. See ya tomorrow, I am sure ;)

Beyond Expectations: Day 1

I honestly am a bit too tired to write but I have so many thoughts swirling thru my head that getting them out will be the best form of therapy beyond, a treat and nap. Both of which will happen after I am done typing.

Yesterday was my "guess date" or my estimated due date. I have been here before. Olivia and Maia came 7 days past their guess dates. Michaela came 5 days before--imagine my surprise.

I enjoy being pregnant and so the past three experiences have been very good ones. This one hasn't been any different. My body has been very good to me during this pregnancy and I love it for that. However, it seems that the majority of society does not want you to be at peace with happily waiting on your baby to come. But if I can be patient, can't they?

I mean, I am the one whose belly has not only outgrown driving the family car (that was weeks ago) but the family minivan. Not them. Paisley seems to like kicking the steering wheel. She seems pleasant enough. Let's all follow her example. No, I didn't mean kick the steering wheel.

Today I find myself tired. Isn't it ironic that being pregnant and having children aren't compatible? Today has been one of those Mommy Murphy days where the inevitable leaky poops, peanut butter smears, children who are slow to listen and obey and numerous spilled cups all collide with a mother's resolve to be patient, pleasant and kind all the while being hammered with whacked out pregnancy hormones and a fatigued body that can only move so fast.

During lunch, I was barely holding it together. Michaela was threatening to blast us with her cries for my not getting her Ovaltine fast enough, I was still calming down from a run in with a slow to obey child. wiping up more elusive peanut butter smears and I started to say to myself, "I am becoming smarter and stronger with each step, I take. Perfect or not." Over and over and over and over and over again. Then I just started to cry.

The girls asked me why I was crying. I told them that being a mom was really hard sometimes. Olivia and Maia looked at me, startled and then both said, "We need to pray." Maia then began to say one of her marvelously sensitive prayers. I folded my arms and just sank into the peace that comes with praying and knowing without a doubt that someone IS listening.

After the prayer, they both imparted me with some advice. Olivia said," Mom, sometimes the hardest things are not the easiest but they are always worth it." Maia then said," Yeah and remember you always have your daughters, we are here for you." Then she said," And remember, you are taller than we are." Enter the comic relief.

Today, I am going to let myself be tired, cry, and still remember that I am still alright and happily waiting this kid out. I have to remember that "I am becoming smarter and stronger with each step I take. Perfect or not." With any luck, I haven't been too emotional to make a point. If I did miss the "making a point" mark, I will try to make one tomorrow.

Oh and by the way, Happy Fat Tuesday! Laissez les bons temps rouler!

Life is Supposed to be Imperfect--Wise Thoughts from a Mother

I recently discovered a show Hannah Help Me! and I signed up for her newsletter. Her thoughts were perfect ones for a Monday and so important for all mothers to remember. Basically she debunks the myth of perfection that we foolishly tie ourselves to. When we do that, it becomes a stumbling block for all of us at some point.

A few weeks ago, my sisters threw me a baby shower. In preparation for the shower my very good husband had a goal to hang crown moulding before the shower. Hanging that stuff has a definite learning curve and Sam found himself at a standstill at 11pm the night before. What was up looked great but it was definitely not done.

I was so proud of his effort. He was definitely disappointed to not have finished and very frustrated with the challenge itself. He asked me if I wanted him to take it all down for the party. It only took me a second to firmly say, "No way, I am proud of the work you have done. Keep it up, it will fun to be able to see better if we will like it or not." BUT in that second, I had a flashback of myself at a time where I probably would have so frustrated at the unfinished, imperfect look of the project that I would have selfishly asked him to take down the good work he had already done so well. I would have put the impressions of others before my husband and I would have fallen flat on my face on that stumbling block. Fast forward to today and Hannah's Weekly Newsletter.

We were watching the opening ceremonies for the winter Olympics and everything went off without a single hitch - up until it was time to light the torch. Four legs were supposed to rise up out of the floor and form a base for the torch cauldron. Unfortunately, only three were operating correctly. There stood four Canadian superstars waiting to light the torch, and waiting, and waiting. Finally, they just decided to forgo perfection, go with the three that were functioning correctly, and just light the darn thing.

I'm sure there were plenty of people that considered this little hiccup a failure. Instead of focusing on everything that went right, they were consumed with that one little thing that went wrong. They were probably the same people that kept stalling and stalling, waiting hopefully until everything was operating perfectly to light the torch.

But necessity finally won out. Someone who was working behind the scenes (it was probably a mom) said, "forget about that fourth leg and just light the torch already!" And they did. And it was a success. Not because it went off perfectly, but because the torch was lit.

Not everything is going to go perfectly in life. And if you're a mom, that's an iron-clad guarantee. There are going to be bumps in the road. Your child gets ill the day before a vacation. Dog poop gets tracked in on the new carpet. Your washing machine dies just when you paid your last bill and you only have twenty-seven dollars in your account. You could easily focus on these challenges and let them get you down, frozen in your tracks and waiting until life is perfect before moving forward.

This is when you fail. It's not the dips in the road that are the failures; it's hanging out in them, waiting until the road evens out before you take a step. Life is supposed to be imperfect. That's what gives it depth, volume, and character. When you are faced with things going wrong, focus on everything that is going right and keep moving forward. You become stronger and smarter with each step you take - perfect or not!

Don't you just love that? I know I sure do.

I am becoming stronger and smarter with each step that I take. Perfect or not.

I also think that I like myself more and more the more I allow myself the leeway to be imperfect as I learn and grow. I stress myself out less. I am sure I stress my family out less as well. That is my focus for the week or the next month for that matter. My resolve will be tried bigtime as I find myself HAVING to rest and recuperate instead of jumping in doing all the stuff that "must" be done.

Day 14: Love Never Ends

Today's List:
Olivia: I love the true meaning of Valentine's Day and the presents were fun too.
Maia: I love the cake Daddy made.
Michaela: I love Valentine's Day. It was the cutest thing to hear her say Valentine's all day long. "Can I have candy Valentine's?" "I want cake Valentines! "Yeah, I think this holiday will be on the top of her list of favorites.
Tisha: I love the blessing of being a forever family.
Sam: I love our ward family.

We had a fun day today. The girls got some fun little presents. Sam helped me nest all weekend, bought me lovely flowers and a picture frame I wanted. He also made us pink heart-shaped pancakes for breakfast, he assembled, frosted and decorated a 3 layer heart shaped red velvet cake for us. We ate by candlelight and Michaela's overwrought cries of not wanting dinner but wanting cake Valentines. We did take pictures and I will post them soon just not tonight.

I can't believe we have managed to complete these 14 days of love without missing a day. It has been really fun to list the things we love for two weeks straight and I am very happy to have made a record of it.

In other news, tomorrow is my guesstimated due date. If I go past that date, I think I might start a chronicle of life being past the guess date. I think it will be a fun thing to do while I wait out the arrival of Miss Ma'am.

Day 13: We love...

Today's List:
Olivia: I love drawing.
Maia: I love Goldfish crackers and the Valentine's cookies we bought today.
Mika: I love the house. She and Maia were making a pretend house/fort at the time.
Sam: I love watching my wife dance.
Tisha: I really love my husband. Really I do. We've grown in a tremendous way in the last 8 mos and I truly love that man more than I ever realized I could. *heartbeat* I am so blessed to have him. When we got married, I engraved the words "Que Suerte Tengo" inside his wedding band. Those words "I am so lucky" are so, so true. My cup runneth over.

Day 12: Love Goeth On

Today's List:
Sam: I love weekends.
Tisha: I love payday and grocery shopping.
Olivia: I love my babysitter, Breanna.
Maia: I love to help Daddy when he is bleeding.

Sam had a scrape with the nailgun last night. The girls kicked it into high gear. They got him bandaids, Olivia brought him a glass of root beer and Maia brought him a handful of carrots. How darling is that?

Michaela: I love singing.

Day 11: And we still love stuff

Today's List:
Olivia: I love movies.
Maia: I love your dinner.
Michaela: I love playing with my big sisters.
Tisha: I love it when Sam comes home from work.
Sam: I love it when I get work done.

Day 10: Still Confessing our Love

Today's List:
Olivia: I love my Daddy and that my birthday is on Halloween.
Maia: I love naps.
Michaela: I love cereal.
Tisha: I love the people who love/care about my children.
A neighbor came over today to deliver the cutest baggie of Valentine goodies for my girls. We have just recently become better acquainted and it was the sweetest thing ever. When we were looking at homes/neighborhoods one of the things of the top of our lists was that we would be surrounded by good people and neighbors. We have been continually blessed in this way and this gesture just extends that circle of love and is another answer to prayer.
Sam: I love the restoration of the gospel and Joseph Smith.

Day 9: Listing our Loves

Today's List:
Olivia: I love homeschool.
Maia: I love preschool.

They were in completely different rooms and didn't hear the other give their answers. Uncanny, no?

Michaela: I love the sun.
Sam: I love my job.
Tisha: I love that my body is healthy and strong.

Living Life

Today, I think I am going to lay all other responsibilities aside (or at least I say that now) and work on finishing some things I really have wanted to get in order before Paisley arrives. I am feeling really good physically but today my emotions are churning. Don't you hate it when your mood turns to "emotional diva"? It won't help if I let myself express those things because I would just get all that attitude magnified back at me at least 3 fold in the form of my equally emotional daughters. So, in an attempt to self soothe, I am going to post a poem I found a while back. My hope is that it will center and give perspective to my feelings.

Living Life
Life is not a race-but indeed a journey. Be honest. Work hard. Be choosy. Say "thank you", "I love you" and "great job" to someone each day. Go to church, take time for prayer. The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh. Let your handshake mean more than a pen and paper. Love your life and what you have been given; it is not accidental--search for your purpose and do it as best as you can.

Dreaming does matter. It allows you to become that which you aspire to be. Laugh often. Appreciate the little things in life and enjoy them. Some of the best things are really free. Do not worry, less wrinkles are more becoming. Forgive, it frees the soul. Take time for yourself--plan for longevity. Recognize the special people you've been blessed to know. Live for today, enjoy the moment.

Family Home Evening Fun

Tonight was one of those Family Home Evenings that were priceless. Family Home Evening is a special evening that members of the LDS church set aside to be with their families and learn about how to become closer to the Lord, be more like the Savior and strengthen family bonds. Sam picked an activity out of the Friend magazine. The title was "Cease to be Angry". First of all, teaching a 4 yr old about the meaning of the word "cease" is pretty funny. She kept saying "Cease! Cease!" It really did crack us up.

The article was a multiple choice quiz. We put our girls names in the quiz and put them in the situations outlined and then asked them what choice they could make to cease to be angry but to be kind instead. Again, our 4 yr old, Maia was funny. For example, we asked Maia what she would do if she were playing at preschool and she accidently ran into one of the boys there.

Before Sam could give her her choices she said," I would say...'Ryan, you should watch where you are going!' in a nice voice, of course." LOL. She obviously missed the memo that it was HER fault in the first point and that bumping into someone warrants a kind "Excuse me, I didn't mean to bump you" in order to smooth the situation over.

So anyway, it was lots of fun, the girls got a kick out of it and we went over our family rules and tried to pick out the family rule that went with the topic for the night. We got all kinds of answers. "Be Happy?" "Keep your Promises?" "Obey?" We finally figured out that it went with "Use Nice Words" and out came the highlight of all Family Home Evenings--the treat. Cupcakes!

The girls were quite excited once we established that, yes, they could have two cupcakes. After ceasing to be angry with Michaela for running her finger thru the frosting of her 2nd cupcake when she wasn't looking, Maia, especially, started getting loud. Maia has a tendency to speak rather loudly already, it was 1.5 hr past bedtime and I was starting to get mighty tuckered out. The girls started pretending to be something we have yet to figure out and were jumping around the kitchen, high from the sugar I am sure.

I looked at Sam and said," Do your ears ever start to ring from all their noise?" and he said," Yeah, it's like being a fish in the middle of the ocean who has been stunned by the noise that dolphins shoot out to disorient them." This made the both of us laugh really hard. Olivia then busted out laughing as if she had already heard the joke and said, "What is so funny?" This made us laugh even harder.

These kinds of moments are always difficult to convey to others who weren't present but it was one of those moments I just had to write it down so we can remember it. It will likely be useful to recollect on one of our less than sterling moments when the little girls are overtired and crying, the big girls are irritable, past feeling and/or not paying attention, Mom wants to nothing more than for the children to be in bed and Dad has been stunned by the all the dolphin noise.

And so, I write this to let the record show that there is always enough good to balance the not so good. It definitely makes it all worth it and when it comes to small children it is rather entertaining too.

The Best Joke I Have Heard in a Long Time

Olivia interrupted my intense concentration at figuring out the new Facebook. I wanted to scold her for interrupting me but my initial irritation at being interrupted was quickly followed by laughter when I focused on what she was trying to share with me.

She said,"Mom, what do you give a dog with a fever?"

Me: "I don't know, what?"

Olivia: "Must be ketchup, they go on hot dogs."

I really did almost lose my balance while sitting on my exercise/birth ball from laughing at that one.

Who would want to miss that one just for the sake of Facebook? Another lesson learned today.

Day 8 Loves and Milestones

This little practice is beginning to make me think that families are more in sync in the things they love more than I realized. I swear that I don't help my kids make their choices with the exception of Michaela. Sometimes she will just tell me and other times I give her lots of choices of things it seemed like she was enjoying from the day and I just wait to see what she says. What is most interesting is how often Sam's answers are similar to ours even when he is away at work. Every work day, I call to ask him what he loves AFTER we have said ours. His answers are usually along the same vein as ours. I think that is kind of neat. Now that you have read this disclaimer feel free to proceed.

Today We Love:
Olivia: I love riding my scooter outside and feeling the wind.
Maia: I love going to Lia's house and playing with my friends.
Michaela: I love going outside.
Tisha: I love talking walks outside with my girls.
Sam: I love warmer, springlike weather.

In other good news, today we finished our first semester of Math. WOO HOO!! Olivia only missed a few problems as well. Of the 3 she did miss, there was only one she truly couldn't recall how to do and it was from the time when we hit that wall in Math a couple months ago. Once I reviewed the concept she was able to do several other example problems just fine.

The other two were just human error type of things. Like counting 12 instead of 14. All I had to say was check your answer and she got it correct on her own without any prompting from me.
I know its February and all but we didn't do much school at all in December so we are feeling good. It feels nice to have hit this halfmark milestone. We've come a long way and we are thriving as a homeschool family thus far.

Things are about to change in some way once Paisley arrives but I think we have a good enough handle on how we do homeschool that we will survive the impending time of transition well enough and grow a heck of alot from it as well.

Day 7 of Love

List of Love
Olivia: I love that I am getting baptized this year.
Maia: I love it when Daddy prays for the baby.
Michaela: I love Jesus.
Sam: I love Sunday.
Tisha: I love that the Lord answers prayers.

So today is Sunday as you know. Last Sunday, I stayed home from church because I really needed some peace and some rest. I thought people would be happy to see me today. Not really. More than anything it seems like they just want me to have the baby. I may be the only patient one.

People commented on how surprised they were to see me appear happy and lithe. They asked me if I was ready. I had one lady tell me that I looked small. I have to wonder if she really thought that or if she was just trying to make me feel good. Who knows? My babysitter (whose name will be the first part of Paisley's middle name) is waiting on pins and needles as well. She just can't wait. Her mother says it is all she can talk about at this point. How cute is that? I love that girl.

I have to give props to Olivia and Maia for my patience in the "waiting for baby to arrive" arena. Both of them arrived a week after the estimated guess date and that just naturally made a decent waiter out of me. If this baby were to go past that 7 day it would be new territory. I would most concerned for one reason. What would I wear?

As the last couple weeks have passed, I have started putting away some of my maternity clothes because they have gotten too small. Too small meaning that they aren't long enough to sufficiently cover my gem of a belly. I put on a dress this morning and Sam pointed out that I had a bunchy creasing going on in the small of my back...again too small. My belly outgrew the maternity belly allowance it has provided.

So, here ya go. 39wks. My waist is 45.5 inches around and my belly sticks out 9.5 inches from my legs. Sam wanted to throw in the stat that his chest is 40 inches around. LOL. Consider yourself well informed. I am REALLY hoping to get a Feb 14th baby.

There is a church Valentine's dance on Saturday night and I will be there dancing the night away hopefully hosting in some contractions. Sam thought he was going to get out of the V-Day dance this year. I don't think he will. I went to a missionary farewell reception a couple weeks ago and I made several people nervous with how freely I was dancing. Who could hold back when "I Wanna Dance with Somebody" comes on? Certainly not my mother's daughter.

More Love from the Kitchen: Day 6

Our lunchtime loving mood was set by Sam and I dancing in the kitchen. *sigh* I was listening to a good ole NKOTB love song and Sam stepped down from painting and asked me to dance. Maia and Olivia sat at our feet and called themselves our "students." Have I mentioned that I love that man?

Today's List
Olivia: I love that Mimi, Tempie and Savvy are coming soon.
Maia: I love Valentine's Day.
Michaela: I love kisses.
Sam: I love the temple.
Tisha: I love slow dancing in the kitchen with my husband. It reminds me of the days when I used to watch my parents do the same and how secure it made me feel. Actually, it still does.

Day 5 of Confessions and a visit from Murphy

As we began today's list, I told everyone that we were to think outside the food box as we listed our loves.

Olivia: I love the sparkly ball that you got me for Christmas and I love my bed.
Michaela: She pointed to the crown moulding that Sam put up. I told her it was called crown moulding. Then she pointed to her head and said," I love the crown."
Maia: I love the crown moulding too and the baby that is coming.
Tisha: I love it when I receive kind and encouraging words from my friends.
Sam: I love it when I get things done.

Now about Murphy. We knew he'd be making his rounds today, right? Well, so far it hasn't been that bad but I should have supposed a pain in the patoot in Language Arts instead of Math. Ya'll know about my love-hate relationship with Math. I should never even joke about a run in with it. NEVER! Now I have learned my lesson.

Olivia had a goal of wanting to do three lessons. We should have stopped at two. I really needed a nap AND my blood sugar was low. We got to word problems. I was determined to make them fun and decided to liken them to the riddles given by the grumpy old troll on Dora the Explorer. We got past that lesson. Phew.

THEN, we got more word problems. And Olivia's focus started to flag. I said, "Ok, let's stop there for today." But Olivia said she wanted to finish this third lesson. But the further we got into it, the less focus she could muster and more she irritated my non fish oiled pregnant nerves. She started making simple mistakes and I tried to talk us both down. I tried ya'll, I really did. But it didn't work. I told her we had to stop and I left the room to rant and vent to Sam.

First, he fed me. This makes him VERY wise because when I get all onery the best course of action is to increase my blood sugar. Then, he listened. I told him to go talk to his daughter. I also told him to go ahead and finish that lesson with her as well. It was a good talk. I was in the room for the first half of it.

Dads are so good at making those talks short but effective, aren't they? I need to learn that skill. Hopefully it won't take 7 years to soak in. At least for today, I am still a good mom and I got out of doing the rest of the word problems. Sam is sending me off for a much needed nap now. Well-rested mommies are happy mommies. Time for me to go grab some happiness while I have the chance.

Day 4 Confessions and One Mommy one too

We were away for lunch so we did our little exercise at dinnertime.

Olivia: I love the bread.
Maia: I love the rolls.
Betcha can't tell that I made bread for the first time in about 2 weeks today, can ya? Yep, they have been bread deprived for about a week since my freezer stock ran out.
Mika: I love that Mommy and Daddy change my diapers.
Tisha: I love it when my kids eat dinner w/o my having to remind them to keep eating.
Sam: Well Sam was as cub scouts so Maia and I just extrapolated what he loves. I'll let you guess who said what. I love that I have learned how to cope (which means to cut the diagonal corners of crown moulding). I also love the bathroom. *giggle*

I have a Mommy confession for you all in addition to my love one. I am just going to say it. Loudly and proudly. I am a good mom. Today was one of those full, normal days. We got up early to go to my checkup with my midwife, then Maia had preschool, then we had homeschool playdates, then naps, then we had a Spelling Test, then I made dinner and bread/rolls for the week.

The girls were girls. There were moments of helpfulness, sharing, crying, whining, ingratitude, happiness, entertainment, smiles, giggles, timeouts and tired outs. Sam came home early from work but had his plate full with finishing home projects and prepping for his Cub Scout meeting. I was mostly on my own.

The girls got into bed an hour and half late, which means we ate late and come 7pm--we are all tired and hungry. At the end of the day, when I was feeling so tired and very ready to have my girlypies in bed, there came a moment when I congratulated myself on being a good mom. I had held it together.

I remember an incident 4 years ago while trying to get Olivia and Maia ready and out the door to get Olivia to preschool on time. She was fussy, I was cranky and I just LOST.IT. Out came the mommy breathing dragon and in came a bit of shame for not having acted more appropriately. But it is all a learning experience. We become better and better bit by bit.

In all the craziness of prepping for baby, I found myself wondering if I was really going to be able to do it. Would I make it? In that moment between centering myself to send the girls to bed on a happy, unrushed note, I realized that in the seven years of being a Mom that I have become a good one. Bit by bit. I realized that I had grown and "become" in ways that I only hoped and prayed I would on that preschool day 4 years ago.

I know it seems taboo at times to admit this but why don't we do that more as mothers? I remember when I used to think I was a bad mom because of my kid's shamefully disturbing behavior in the grocery store or when they'd be less than impressive in front of my parents. Meh. That just made her 3 and me learning a whole lot.

Of course, since I have made this declaration tonight I know tomorrow may be a bear. Someone's hair might be found shorter on one side, Michaela might pour honey all over her body and then roll in a box of Multi-Grain Cheerios, someone might be a gargantuan pain in the patoot all through Math and someone else might wake up with an impossibly sassy attitude but would that make me less of a good mother? Heck to the no.

It just makes what I experience day in and day out as a stay at home mom real. As real as blessed normality gets. I also think it will have made me just a bit more equal to take it on too. Bring on the 4th kid. I'm as ready as I can get.

Now, here is my challenge to all of you reading mothers. Go and declare that you are a good Mom on your blog this week too. Because you are. I am constantly inspired and strengthened by my friends and family who are INCREDIBLE mothers. Why do you think I keep hanging out with you, huh? If you surround yourself with the best things, they are bound to rub off. And, you, my fabulous friends (AND MOM!) are definitively the best things.

Love Confessions: Day 3

Maia is quite thrilled that our window doors are getting more and more full of hearts. She woke up this morning with several things to share with me. I told her to save some for the other days but to just give me 1 or 2.

Olivia: I love blossoms.
Maia: I love lemonade and Valentine's Day.
Michaela: I love the 5 little monkeys jumping in the tree.
This is her current favorite song--she is very efficient and exuberant about "snatching those monkeys right out of the tree!" too.
Sam: I love the Book of Mormon.
Tisha: I love naps. And if I had any sense, I would go take one right now.

Our Love Confessions: Day 2

Yesterday many of our love confessions centered around family, earthly and heavenly and, of course, sunglasses. Mika has been wearing CONSTANTLY the last couple days so her actions truly do confirm that she loves them. She asked for them first thing this morning but we couldn't find them for several hours. When she found them she was very excited. "I found them, Mommy!" is too darling in 2 yr old dialect.

Today we sat down to ponder over the most important things. Things that we love and here are the things that came to the forefront of our minds on this lovely February 2nd. This is how it went down and in this exact order.

Olivia: I love my purple rock. I want to start a rock collection.
Maia: I love my food.
Michaela: I love honey. This one she acted out by licking the honey off her plate.
Tisha: I love it when the snow melts.
Sam: I called our sweet Sam at work and this was his response. I love root beer floats.

I found it quite ironic that 3 out of 5 love confessions centered around food today. Sam thought it was funny too. He said that after the Lord and family that food definitely is up there. Apparently so.

What are you all loving today?

Better get back to the troops. I came down here to get lemon juice for lemonade and Olivia came down here to reprimand me for getting distracted and informed that I had 5 minutes to resurface. She reminds me of someone I know....

The Wall O' Love

Happy February! It being the first day of this ever so loving month, I began racking my brain to find a simple way to celebrate Valentine's Day. There are so many fun ideas out there, a good friend of mine does the 14 days of Valentine's by leaving a simple treat for each family member at the beginning of each day. I hoped to be able to do that this year BUT little did I know that I would be popping out my 4th daughter at some point during this time AND little did I know that my budget wouldn't have any of that.

However, on Saturday, I walked my pregnant self into the ground at Target picking up cute stuff for their Valentine's Day lovey, goody bags. Seriously, what pregnant woman in her right mind wears high heeled leather boots out shopping? One who had no intention of walking around that long that is who. Needless to say, I shucked those puppies the moment I got into the car and drove home barefoot. But I digress.

So, I am set for their presents except for Sam but he is still deciding what he wants. He has said a baby will be good. I am hoping to oblige him on that one ;) AGAIN, I digress. SO, I wanted to do something fun to lead up to that day, right? Right! So as the girls were at the counter eating lunch it came to me.

We are creating a Wall (or Window/Door) of Love. Each day at lunch, we are going to write down what we love that day on a construction paper heart and stick it up on the glass door. This is something Sam can do with the girls if I have the baby earlier than expected, it gets us thinking about the things we love and appreciate the most AND I get a bit of festive decorating done everyday.

Today's List of Love:

Sam: I love my family.
Tisha: I love Sam.
Olivia: I love my parents.
Maia: I love flowers and Heavenly Father.
Mika: I love my sunglasses.

We will have a candlelight dinner on V-day together as a family to top off the holiday and hopefully Paisley will arrive just in time to celebrate with us as well. *Fingers Crossed* I think it will be fun to see and be reminded of the things we love the most in the coming month as we take the time to write them down and hang them up. The girls' responses should make for some good entertainment as well.