Are you better than a bad guy?

Mom: (wiping Michaela's chocolate pudding face) "What am I going to do with you, Pudding Face? I think I am going to have to keep you!"
Michaela: "No, I don't want you to keep me. I want to go with the bad guys."
Mom: "Why do you want to go with the bad guys?"
Michaela: "Because I don't like you."

Well, ok then. I thought for sure I was better than the bad guys. They don't feed you good food and sing you lullabyes. Do they? No hard feelings, no hurt ones either. I am learning to expect comments of this nature from my 3.5 yr old.

My mother-in-law has this rule where she says you can't hold anything against what a pregnant woman in the midst of a mood swing says. I think this is a good rule of thumb for 3 yr olds too. If they don't like you, then perhaps you are doing better than you think you are. ;)

How I changed my life this week

There was a large, unsettling pile at the bottom of my stairs. It was messy. It made me stress. It mocked my pain for letting it sit there for a week or two..ok maybe it was three. With every trip downstairs, it stripped away at my housewife pride. I tried to stop going down there but it called to me. It laughed at my lack of time management. I might have even heard it revel in the sheer delight of being touched when the girls had a little hootenanny with its contents.

Finally, the stars aligned and the appointed time arrived. I have some good HGTV shows AND Persuasion saved on my DVR. I folded and folded and folded. In a little over an hour, in the quiet of my family room at half past midnight. I changed my life. My perspective. My reason for coming downstairs! Sigh. Folded laundry- put away is a hefty slice of bliss.

Personal Triumph

I made it to church on time today. I have been gunning for this achievement for some time now. We have 9 o'clock church and Sam's callings require me to get our crew to church without him.Nothing new or particularly extraordinary, many LDS women do the same thing. I tend to be about 5 minutes late rather consistently. We normally walk in during the opening song.

It felt so good to walk into the chapel and be seated during the prelude music. I've been rather hard on myself and my mothering shortcomings lately and I just wanted to record a personal victory. It is small, I know, but it feels mighty fine. Next goal, on time for 2 weeks in a row. 3 weeks in a row could start a new habit. Woot! Until then, I will just babystep it and enjoy the little victories. Never mind that I walked out of the house without cheerios and a sippy cup for Paisley, right? ;)

Motherhood: Some days those are fighting words

*Knowing grin and harrumph* When we were little girls, we could have never imagined the days where your delicious cheeked baby would ever willing take the diaper off her baby sister (while she is her crib) in hopes that baby sister would mess everywhere. We never would have thought that in the same day that she would paint the wall with latex paint and then dump the roller on the couch when she heard you coming up the stairs. We never fathomed that she would color on her own bedsheets and walls and then dump all the clothes out of her drawers and then pull down the curtains in her room--all in one day. We never pictured taking time out of a time crunched afternoon to make the offending child clean, scrub and make up for her transgressions either.

Today, motherhood is a fighting word. I want to be their mother but I'd just like a day when they don't whine at me because Sesame Street isn't coming on fast enough or complain about cleaning their rooms or scream at their sibling for touching her side of the room. It is a bedlam filled, in the trenches sort of growth phase I am afraid I have entered. I think the time has come for me to take more time playing on the floor and leading that wild horse by walking alongside it more. Time for early morning prayer and scripture for the benefit of us all. Time for Mom to be ready before the kids are awake.

When I think back to better mothering days, I was doing those things. It helped to fortify me. Fortify me against those thoughts that needle you into thinking that perhaps you are failing pitifully at this mommy thing. Here I stand in the kitchen wondering if I can handle the new orange wall, hoping I will have a good hair day and praying that I will not be a casualty to garden variety childhood behavior. I want to just do and leave internal struggles and weariness at the wayside. I know I better get to cleaning up breakfast and get into some day clothes so I can do a bit of homeschool, gardening and assemble that no-bake lasagna so it will be ready for me. I better get at it because my kids have actually left me alone for 15 minutes and I probably only have 5 more minutes before they "daisy." "Daisying" explanation to come later.

I have been feeling an internal shift within myself lately. I think I am in a growing phase. I am hoping for something good to ....oh look, a little daisy just popped up....where was I? No time for that now. It's time to get myself together and fight the good fight. I need to remember that. It is a good fight. The next time I feel aforementioned needles I need to remind myself that I am fighting a good fight. I am apart of a great work and cannot come down. Those needles can have no power over me if I remember that I can avoid them if I focus on this good work of motherhood and chose to not come down. This isn't about ease. There will be opposition. But when I do this work with the Lord and the companionship of this Spirit by my side, I will be able to do His will, His way and will not be brought down.

Onward. Ever onward, Mothers. We can do this. Let us keep an eternal perspective while we weather the crazy and wearying day to day commotions of motherhood. It is so easy to focus on things that seem to matter the most in any given moment but really don't. This makes me want to make a list of the things that matter the most in my mothering so I can keep the proper focus when I am tempted to get caught up the whirlwinds with my girls.

It is a good work we are doing. Let's not let it get us down, at least not for long, 'cause we all know it does sometimes, right? Am I right or am I right or am I right? Right,right, right? Cyber sanity for anyone who can name that movie. Cheers, it is Tuesday! We made it thru Monday. Holla!

Freed of Guilt: Love is Spoken Here

It is Father's Day. In church, the primary children sang Love is Spoken Here. I cried. I have always loved this song. It reminds me of the three most significant blessings in my life. A mother. A mother who loves me, who loves the Lord and who taught me how to love the Lord, my family and life. A father. A father who loves me, who loves the Lord and who taught me how to obey with exactness thru word and deed with a gentle, unrushed fervor. Thirdly, the knowledge that I am a daughter of God with heavenly parents who love me and want me to return to live with them. I cried because the lyrics remind of whence I have come and what I strive to be like. This week has been a rough one emotionally for me and I often feel a measure of guilt for not having perfected the art of speaking love despite stress and emotional triggers. Losing my temper with my children is probably the greatest source of regret and feeling guilt that I have.

In the past, I have spoken with MANY friends convincing them to let of their guilt over things that we, as mothers and women, think we should have better control and don't. We give ourselves a hard time and let that guilt fester and eat away at our heaven- gifted confidence and capacity. Therefore, as a general rule, I don't buy into guilt of this nature. I see it as a stumbling block that is best avoided.

However, this song had become a bit of a guilt teaser to me. As if that unseen but real and evil force was trying to convince me that I could never become sufficiently better at exemplifying the title of that song. I have the title of said song on the wall in our living room over our family name and birthdate. On bad days, I look at it and flog myself, "Tisha, Love is not spoken here. Tongue and temper control thyself!" I venture to guess that many a mother has felt a similar unsettling tug on her own respective heartstring.

Let us return to my sacrament meeting experience. My 3 oldest with the rest of cute kids are up these singing their sweet guts out. And while I hear the words, "I hear the words she whispers as she bows her head to pray. Her plea to the Father quiets all my fears and I am thankful love is spoken here." I was blessed with a peace and some needful knowledge. The love of which they were singing was not about me nor of how I speak (though it is a still a worthwhile goal). It is about the Savior. *Enter a peaceful, calming even redeeming swell of emotion* In 2 Nephi 25:26 it says, "And we talk of Christ, we rejoice in Christ, we preach of Christ, we prophecy of Christ, and we write according to our prophecies, that our children may know to what source they may look for a remission of their sins."

The power of the atonement is sweet. It is swift to act and quick to soothe and heal. I am not a perfect parent. In fact, this week I basically sucked rocks. But despite it all, I did not fail because while my temper may have surfaced all too often. I spoke of Love as we prayed and talked of Christ, our Master, Teacher and Friend. I am letting my guilt fall at the wayside on this. I will do my all to speak with the tongue of angels but I find comfort in knowing that as I focus on my Father in Heaven and Savior that Love will bring healing, growth and an improvement in behavior. We are trying to be like Jesus, walk in His paths and thru doing this our ways and actions will become more and more straight.

I am grateful for my amazing father. He is one of the top 4 best men I have ever known and been close to. He is the first on this small list. I couldn't ask for more because there is nothing more that I could ever want. He is a straight arrow, a true, gentle, humble and amazingly good man. He took me on daddy-daughter dates, made me clean the kitchen in the middle of the night if I wasn't true to my after dinner stewardships, made sure I always respected my mother and threw socks at my head to make me laugh. I LOVED it when he'd talk to me while I cleaned the kitchen as a teenager (I cleaned purposely slow on those nights) and even when he secretly put tabasco on my chicken to see how I'd react. He taught me what I wanted in a husband as he flirted with, kissed and slow danced with my mother in the kitchen. He makes me want to be good because he is good and I want to make him proud. He is the REAL deal. My cup runneth over in rushes of gallons when it comes to how I hit the jackpot in my own earthly father.

Second on the list is my maternal grandfather, Pa Pa, as we call him. Again, another straight arrow with a calm and gentle way. He was loved by others so much because he loved others so much. He seemed to always know how to make the individual feel loved. I loved going out on errands with him. He always stopped to visit people. He was never rushed--always kind. He always let me order the quarter pounder burger at Wendy's even though I was probably only 4 yrs old and it was bigger than my face. When I think of think of Cherry coke, the Detroit Pistons, French salad dressing, smell peanuts roasting in the oven, eat homemade vanilla ice cream and bbq on the the 4th of July or swallow a few watermelon seeds and feel a special comfort in knowing I won't grow a watermelon in my belly, I think of him. I can almost smell him and hear the grumbly way he'd clear his throat before he spoke in his own soothing way. I am almost certain I can feel the breeze against my skin like I did when we sat outside on the swing together. I miss him but I still feel him with me even though he is no longer physically accessible.

Third, my Sammy. Real deals #1 and #2 taught me what to look for in a husband and I was l.u.c.k.y to get this sweet and patient man to marry me and then deal with my mood swings and sassiness. He is the best father and a tender husband. He is our emotional stronghold here in this hormone filled house. I don't know how he has stayed so mellow all these years. We girls must be wild in a charming sort of way. He is half saint because he willingly takes all four of his precocious, and often busy, daughters on dates so yours truly can catch a break. He not only does their hair but isn't afraid of girly discussions or talks about "feelings", getting bows clipped in his hair and never squirms when we tell him we are watching "The Princess Protection Program" or "Anne of Green Gables" for family movie night. I prayed to marry a man who had the characteristics of a stripling warrior and I got one. Lucky duck, I am.

Number 4 on the list is my own father-in-law, I call him Dad too. I have only known him for 11 short years but he has taken me under his wing of love, concern, protection and sincerity. He teases me like his own and he regards me with the same kindness and seriousness as well. He is gracious enough to love me despite my weakness. I have a special gratitude to him for raising his son, my Sam, to know how to be true, firm and committed. He also has great taste in jewelry and the girly girl in me is touched with this thoughtfulness. He made sure Sam had a proper ring to propose to me with (which I still wear) and I still have and wear regularly the first pair of earrings he ever gave to me a little over 11 years ago. He doesn't squirt me with water as much any more but he shares his heart and testimony with me. We laugh together. He has taught me how to be patient, thoughtful, generous and that lovingly teasing your family is a pretty standard way that men nurture and bond with those they love.

Happy Father's Day to all the tremendous men in my life. Thank you for being true to who you are, for loving (and teasing) me (except when you poke in my armpit, Sam, I still don't like that *seriouslovingwink* ) and for not shying away from the weight and responsibility that comes with being the real deal.

Will there be cameras in heaven? I sure hope so. I would LOVE to get a picture of this Fatherly dreamteam all together. What a day this has been. All in one day I have been freed of guilt and able to reflect on how I am blessed by and bonded to good men. Life is good.

The Hero in our New Chapter

Yesterday morning, I opened my eyes to this sweet man all handsomed up and ready for his first day at his new job. The day felt incredibly right and uniquely special. Almost like the morning after you've had a new baby. Remember that feeling? That new addition is finally there. Teensy and curled up on your chest or in your arms. It is as if she's always been there and at the same time you can't wait to get acquainted. That is what it felt like as I followed Sam outside to take a few pictures. The sun was rising and the day was bright and clear.

During all of this, I have been so grateful and humbled by the measure of my Sammy's integrity, creativity, strength, perserverance and faith. This position was among one of many miracles and tender mercies along our job hunt path. It came and was offered out of nowhere. A month or so earlier, they told us that were no longer considering him. However, they called him one day as he was flying home from another interview. He had an interview the next day and Sam came home saying he didn't think it went all that well. Imagine our surprise and shock when they called back the following day to talk about pay and the following Monday they extended a job offer. He is now the Construction and Maintenance Coordinator at Primary Children's Hospital.

He is my hero. I say that because, in the face of this job loss/layoff drama, he has confirmed to me that he is exactly who I thought he was. And I've seen him stand in his majesty as a son of God. That makes me tear up with joy and peace. There are still a few facets of unknown, possible tweaks and new changes that may need to be made. All of which require stepping into the dark and possibly even hanging out there for a bit but we know we are in the right place at the right time. Myriads of my children's prayers have been answered and we are growing. Growth is good. Growing pains may not be pleasant but their results are.

So, we've begun a new chapter. After that tender mercy of a moment, we embraced and kissed and then I sent my honey off to his new job. I have a feeling it is going to be a very good one. We are grateful to be in this place. We are looking forward to a happy page turner of a chapter. Thank you for all your continued prayers, support, listening ears and love. They have been felt. You have been angels sent from our loving Heavenly Father.

Miracles happen. I am learning that miracles are still miracles even if they aren't what you asked for or were expecting. I am learning that even personalities who see almost every good thing as a miracle are bound to miss recognizing some--at least at the beginning. I have learned that your recognizing miracles is a miracle in and of itself. It heals you. It soothes you. It expands your soul and opens your eyes. It gives you strength to learn and grow in the way that you need the most. (Oh my goodness, did I just sum up what happened in Pollyanna of what?)

A new dawn in a new day truly does feels good. It brings with it so much potential and potential is downright exciting, if you ask me. It usually does bring with it work and possible hardship but it is still hope filled and hope is like the icing on the cake. It is essential in emotional and spiritual livelihood. It breathes life and light into your physical being. It gets you excited to see what is under that initial sweet layer. Hope truly is the anchor of one's soul. Just as it holds layers of cake together, it keeps you tethered to the Master and helps you want what He wants for you thus feeding your ability to be grateful. And gratitude, well it is a gift. It is that sigh of relief and expanse of happiness that comes from knowing that you can see, feel, taste and experience the goodness even when it isn't your favorite kind of cake.

God is good. God is great. Let us thank Him for our food. Amen, amen and amen!

Cancation Plans

This summer we have plans for a family vacation in Las Vegas. Everyone will be there. Brother, sisters, spouses (please oh please let Sam get time off his new job), grandchildren and, most importantly, Mimi and Poppy. During this vacation there will be kids daycamps for the girls to go off to and enjoy. It is a requirement, however, that daycampers be pottytrained. Michaela has recently had a potty regression of sorts. I have been trying to encourage full commitment to pottydom by telling her that in order for her to go to day camp with the big kids, she must stay dry all day. None of this pull your panties down and pee on the carpet instead sort of thing. That would be the wrong idea of "staying dry" all day. All household surfaces AND your underthings must stay dry.

(If you look closely at this picture, you will see Michaela's hiney print on the pee soaked area rug.)

She was intrigued by day camp. She asked if there were slides at daycamp. I said, "Maybe, I'm not sure. But there will be games, crafts and all sorts of fun stuff to do." I could see gazelle intensity come into her eyes when I said, "Maybe." I never knew that she liked slides so much but apparently she does. She has stayed dry for 7 out of the last 9 days. For each dry day, she gets a pink star on the calendar. She digs those stars. She gets a smiley for waking up with a dry diaper in the morning. Only 1 of those in the last 9 days but there I go straying off the on-topic road again.

Back to our vacation plans. She mentions it fairly often probably because I praise her for getting ready for Mimi's vacation. I can tell she has been thinking of all the fun possibilities because tonight I put her to bed and closed the door. Then she came out and said," Mommy, I am going to pee pee and poo poo on the potty so that I will be ready for Mimi's cancation. We are going to go on the slides, swing on the swings and get my face painted like a tiger at Mimi's cancation."

Does my 3.5 yr old know how to plan one rocking cancation or what? I mean, who needs plain old vacation when you go cancating with Michaela on the slides AND the swings all while having your face painted...like a tiger, no less. BOO YA Disneyland. We don't need you. You are mere vacation. This summer, my Michaela is going to Vegas where she will join her Mimi and have one blazing hot, dry all dry, big girl panty wearing cancation. Don't ask me where she got all these ideas but she is making serious plans and she is cracking me up. I sincerely hope they have face painting or we might have to break out our makeup to make her grand dreams of "Mimi's Cancation" come to full fruition. CANCATION OR BUST!

Healthier and Tastier

Kids love treats. My kids are treat fiends. Drives me nuts how much they ask for it. But let's get real, Momma goes searching for a little something 1- 2 times a day too. Bring on the healthier options, please! Case in point. Granola bars. All the common storebought options just aren't what I am looking for and I find them distasteful too. All sweet without much substance. The ones I do like are pricey and Momma is loyal to her budget. Enter this fine lady with this fine recipe.

Treats are still treats, just because they are a bit more nutrient dense doesn't mean we should be eating them all day. But I like them to contribute good components to our bodies. BUT they must taste good. Health without the taste is no fun. And I love me some fun. Especially health promoting fun.

Now I made these with 1/2c. honey and 1/3c. organic evaporated cane juice. I added choc. chips and pulsed up flax seeds. Next time, I am going to try a 1/4c. of agave nectar first and then go from there. The choc. chips add plenty of sweetness. I also used 1/2 the amount of canola oil and then used coconut oil for the other half. I also added some almond extract because it is a obsessive baking habit that I possess. I just can't NOT do it. They are soft and chewy. So nice.

Our rule is that we can only have one per day. I want to try some with dried cherries and sunflower seeds and flax. I haven't been able to convince my girlies to like much dried fruit yet. Except Paisey and Mika. It made 19bars, I believe. The girls helped me make them and it went surprisingly fast. It was a nice activity to do together. I dubbed it a listening exercise since the girls needed some practice listening and doing what I said instead of making requests all the time. There I go digressing again. I will be doubling the recipe next time. And there will be a next time, even the hubster said so.

Liked--Shared

I was browsing some crafting blogs today and saw this. It was something I needed to hear at that moment. It came from this blog. If I were to reword it, I'd substitute the word universe for "Heavenly Father's plan for you".

Happy Thursday. :)