It's a common thing I am sure. Being a mom is hard work. The kind of work that can throw a woman to the edge of insanity HOWEVER that is not what being a mom is about. It is just one of those things that come with the territory at times. But I think I have been defining motherhood as a sanity tester too and my perspective has been clouded. So, last Sunday, I took some time to talk with my husband and pour my heart out to the Lord in order to gain some much needed strength and corrected perspective. The main thing that was making me feel out of balance and on the edge of insanity was that I wasn't creating my own cocoon of peace and I needed to make it a serious stewardship of mine.
You see, my litte 4 yr old was challenging me beyond what I felt I could handle. Out of whack and extremely dramatic, I wondered what was wrong with her. In truth, a large part of her dysfunction was a result of my own. How could my gifted and perceptive 4 yr old feel peace if her mother didn't? So this has been my quest for the last 7 days. And it is working. It can be draining to bridle one's passions but the payoff is worth the work, because I am feeling more peace and love for myself than I have felt in many months. I received some counsel as I began my journey to more peaceful living and being a better mother from Alma 38: 12 it says, " Use boldness, but not overbearance; and also see that ye bridle all your passions, that ye may be filled with love; see that ye refrain from idleness." This was perfect counsel to me as a mother. To be firm in my discipline but not naggy and overbearing. To bridle my feelings of inpatience and frustration so that I could have the Spirit with me and feel more love, compassion and understanding for the needs of my children. Also, I must remain productive and not waste my time on things that are not my priorities.
The past 7 days have been really good. We began the week with Family Home Evening reading about Captain Moroni and the title of liberty he made to remind the Nephites of what they were fighting and living for. So, we made a title of liberty for family. Our motto is
Be Kind, Be Gentle, Obey God.
And it has been a useful tool to remind us of how we need to be with one another all week. So, I wanted to keep on this path and do what I can to make this more fully a part of me, something that reacts first. In my scripture study this morning I was reading in Jacob 5 where the Lord of the vineyard and His servant are trying to nourish the trees of the vineyard so that they might bring forth good fruit. I thought of myself as one of those trees that the Lord was putting every effort into saving. In Jacob 5: 59 it reads, " And this I do that , perhaps, the roots thereof may take strength because of their goodness: and because of the change of the branches, that the good may overcome the evil. " What happened in the olive tree allegory was that some of the trees were bearing bad fruit because the bitter branches had overgrown and become stronger than the good roots of the tree. This has been an allegory in my life. My roots have always been good but because of some bitter branch overgrowth I had forgotten to take strength from my very good roots. So it is up to me, with the help of the Lord, to pluck away that which is bitter and graft in that which is sweet.
In Mosiah it says that "Men are that they might have joy" and that is my purpose here. And this is my focus over the course of the next 15 days. I will have joy because that is what the Lord wants and has planned for me. My 17 mos old will still cry (like she is at this very moment)as to fight off the grips of the nap that is essential to her pleasantness and well being. My 4 yr old will still throw a fit when I tell her that she can't have the gumball in the van because she came out of her room after I warned her of said consequence. But I will not let any of these things steal my peace. It is MINE and they cannot have it. And quite frankly, if I take care of my peace then they will have it as well.
You see, my litte 4 yr old was challenging me beyond what I felt I could handle. Out of whack and extremely dramatic, I wondered what was wrong with her. In truth, a large part of her dysfunction was a result of my own. How could my gifted and perceptive 4 yr old feel peace if her mother didn't? So this has been my quest for the last 7 days. And it is working. It can be draining to bridle one's passions but the payoff is worth the work, because I am feeling more peace and love for myself than I have felt in many months. I received some counsel as I began my journey to more peaceful living and being a better mother from Alma 38: 12 it says, " Use boldness, but not overbearance; and also see that ye bridle all your passions, that ye may be filled with love; see that ye refrain from idleness." This was perfect counsel to me as a mother. To be firm in my discipline but not naggy and overbearing. To bridle my feelings of inpatience and frustration so that I could have the Spirit with me and feel more love, compassion and understanding for the needs of my children. Also, I must remain productive and not waste my time on things that are not my priorities.
The past 7 days have been really good. We began the week with Family Home Evening reading about Captain Moroni and the title of liberty he made to remind the Nephites of what they were fighting and living for. So, we made a title of liberty for family. Our motto is
Be Kind, Be Gentle, Obey God.
And it has been a useful tool to remind us of how we need to be with one another all week. So, I wanted to keep on this path and do what I can to make this more fully a part of me, something that reacts first. In my scripture study this morning I was reading in Jacob 5 where the Lord of the vineyard and His servant are trying to nourish the trees of the vineyard so that they might bring forth good fruit. I thought of myself as one of those trees that the Lord was putting every effort into saving. In Jacob 5: 59 it reads, " And this I do that , perhaps, the roots thereof may take strength because of their goodness: and because of the change of the branches, that the good may overcome the evil. " What happened in the olive tree allegory was that some of the trees were bearing bad fruit because the bitter branches had overgrown and become stronger than the good roots of the tree. This has been an allegory in my life. My roots have always been good but because of some bitter branch overgrowth I had forgotten to take strength from my very good roots. So it is up to me, with the help of the Lord, to pluck away that which is bitter and graft in that which is sweet.
In Mosiah it says that "Men are that they might have joy" and that is my purpose here. And this is my focus over the course of the next 15 days. I will have joy because that is what the Lord wants and has planned for me. My 17 mos old will still cry (like she is at this very moment)as to fight off the grips of the nap that is essential to her pleasantness and well being. My 4 yr old will still throw a fit when I tell her that she can't have the gumball in the van because she came out of her room after I warned her of said consequence. But I will not let any of these things steal my peace. It is MINE and they cannot have it. And quite frankly, if I take care of my peace then they will have it as well.
