More

What if I am doing it wrong? Being a mother, I mean. I think of all the things I spend my time on. Do I spend my time in the right places? What if what I am doing is not the best that I could be doing? I've been thinking alot about how I spend my time during the day. A dear friend of mine has a quote on her blog that says "How we spend our days is how we spend our lives".

Now I am the type of person that tries awfully hard. I tend to expect a great deal and hold my self to a high standard. Not to be better than anyone else in any way, but to be my very best self. To fulfill the purpose of my life thru being as humanly present in my life's experience. I don't expect perfection but I do expect my best. I don't feel out of balance in any major way so much as I feel like it is time for more. But in what way is my more? I am searching, pondering and praying for more perspective and thoughts on this.

The move has been crazy but good but as we begin to form a new rhythm of life I am realizing the timing of this move was divinely significant for my growth as a woman and as a mother. I think this is the reason for the inner rumblings of stress, uncertainty, questioning and, in some degree, even wrestling. This is a growth spurt--I only have to figure out how and what the Lord wants for me and how to proceed. As I sit here, I am feel that one of the best steps to finding guidance and answers is to go to the temple. As members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints we are blessed with the opportunity to attend the temple. A sacred and holy place where we go to find respite from the world, peace, comfort, instruction and inspiration from the Lord.

Here we are in a new place--a good place, a new city, a new home with new neighbors and my favorite temple is now "my" temple--the closest temple to me. It is time for us to be personally acquainted. I feel so blessed and I want to do the best that I can. I don't want to waste time on things that are not needful. I hunger after the "better part"--the very best part. I don't want more, I want to be more. There is a song called "More" and the lyrics encourage more from my searching soul, they inspire faith--which implies action, they embolden the shy or reserved fibers of my being and put music to the desires of my heart.

More Steady, More Sure, More trusting, More Pure
Some say it doesn't matter
More trained and more aware
More aim to get me there
I climb this far, You raise the bar
You want my heart

More fierce desire to stand against the wind
More blazing fire when darkness closes in
More love inspired change within
So there's more and more of me to give

More words to learn and know
More etched upon my soul
Some say it doesn't matter

More tried, more true
Less me and much more you
I stretch this tall
You sound the call
You want my all

More fierce desire to stand against the wind
More blazing fire when darkness closes in
More love inspired change within
You keep reaching out
You're calling out to me

For more strengthened shoulders
To face the war with sin
More wise and bolder
To save the souls of men
A more faithful soldier to the end
You want more and more of me to give

More and more of me to give
More love
More light
More purpose
More serve with all might
I need more hope, more faith, more patience
Each day I prayer for more

More and more of me to give
More fire
More zeal
More spirit to know what's real
More courage, More joy
More, more and more of me to give
More grateful, more true
More humble to trust in you

You call- I hear
I walk the path that's set in stone
My heart is fixed on getting home
What on earth could ever matter more?

These are alot of words but they remind to hold on, to do my very best, to seek and remind me that I will find. They cause me to be true to the good desires of my true heart. They bring to the surface the knowledge that I am loved, that I am enough--as we all are-- that I will be made enough and that the best is yet to be.

On the same dear's friend blog there is another quote that says,"

"We should begin by recognizing the reality that just because something is good is not a sufficient reason for doing it. The number of good things we can do far exceeds the time available to accomplish them. Some things are better than good, and these are the things that should command priority attention in our lives."

--Elder Dallin H. Oaks

I think that after I get off my knees after praying for guidance, I need to break out my paper journal(indeed I do have one of those too), determine what those best things are. Then, identify what keeps me from them, how I can disengage from the things that aren't my priorities and create a plan on how I can engage in the best things in my life and pour myself into them.
Well, here goes.