Feel the Burn, Mommy!

I'm feeling the burn--that's right. I've been working hard and I can feel the fatigue deep in my mommy muscles. So when you are feeling like you can't do one more lunge, tricep press or leg lift--what do you do? You breathe. You take in a good, replenishing breath of air so you can finish your reps. You allow that muscle to go numb and YOU DON'T STOP. Muscles become stronger when you push them to failure. A few years ago right before I got pregnant with Maia, I was taking a weight lifting class. I had been taking the class for a couple years. This new teacher challenged us to lift more weight and to go to utter failure--to perform rep after rep until we could no longer do any more with good form and that muscle group was healthfully done in. You know what happened? I had some dang good looking muscles. I was strong, confident and capable. I felt it and it translated into my life. So you may think I am again alluding to my current quest to getting back into shape after giving birth just 9 months ago--but I am not. It's all about motherhood. Being a mother to three has pushed me to failure as I am exercise these new matriarchal muscles I didn't know existed.

I am finding that in my search to create a nourishing, orderly and peaceful environment in my home that I am forced to oppose the alter egos of these goals. The alter ego of nourishment is emptiness and fluff. Nourishment takes purpose and effort--not hours of effort but it requires focus attention and purpose if even for a short five minutes. I often wonder how much time I spend on fluff--a seemingly beautiful and tempting something that has no real meaning, substance or sustenance. I need to remember that as I feel tired and want to reach for a cookie--instead of a well balanced snack that will take 2 minutes more to prepare and one that will fill me. It also means reaching for my scriptures to ponder over instead of sitting on the computer for wasteful and distractory periods of time.

The opposite of order is, of course, chaos. Not to be confused with movement and energy. A home with small children is full of motion, EMOTION (my home especially) and a great deal of vitality. Will I ever be able to find matching socks? Maybe not all the time but this is what cute sparkly sandals and furry snowboots will conceal for me, right? But creating order is a journey, it is a process--my children will eventually put their clothes away (and not on the floor) at least 60% of the time if I stick with the long process of teaching and reminding them--right? I just need not let any of my restless or negative emotions about this repetitive chore of my stewardship add chaos to my experience. I also should stop and remember that a toys on the floor isn't chaos--is it a chance to teach, serve or.... declutter. All of which add to order--not take away from.

Peace. Be still my sweet soul, there is peace to be had. I have a decorative tile that says, "When you find peace within yourself, you become the kind of person who can live at peace with others."
Amen to this. My peace is found with being gratefully ok with the challenging blessings I have. My children and my opportunity to stay at home and rear them is hard work. My motherly muscles get weary and get pushed to failure more times that I wish they would but all of that means that I am getting stronger and I need to allow myself to take on the strength that comes with that. My peace is found in knowing that the Lord always helps me when I ask and many times when I don't. If I am willing to be ok with me, as a daughter of God with incredible potential, who can do all things thru Christ who strengtheneth me--there will be peace. Peace in the midst of tantrums, sasses, smiles and giggles--peace in knowing I can pick up the mess and bring myself peace that way. Or peace in knowing I can just step over the mess and do something that will energize and reboot my fatigued (but tightening) mommy muscles like a deep cleansing breath would in a weight lifting class.

I definitely don't have the answers but putting my perspective in writing helps me figure out what areas I can focus on and it helps me see that even though I may be tired, I am really ok. You know that feeling of peace and satisfaction that comes after a hard workout? How proud you feel of yourself that you did it? That you can do much more than you think? How proud you feel of your body and spirit for carrying you thru a challenge--to know that you survive the burn. Well, thus is my experience in motherhood anyway--feel the burn, mommy--don't resist it or fight it. If we push thru and finish the very repetitious weight lifting of motherhood--we'll be proud to realize that we are made out of some pretty stern stuff and we'll have some pretty ripped hot momma muscles to boot.

For me, I am realizing it is time for me to expect the burn, to push thru it, to take time to breathe and replenish my maternal muscles REGULARLY and to be proud of myself after each mommy training session with my girls that pushes me to my limit. And how comforting it is to know that going to failure in this sense is only making me stronger--it is progress, endurance and capability brought on by pressure, resistance and weight. It isn't failure at all.